Earlier this month i posted a blog called Nigel asked Me This.
Nigel is a chaplain at the school I work at. He is a young guy who manages to inspire the people around him simply by asking them a question.. he does not give answers or advice.. he just asks a question.. I told him to give me a question.. and he did.. you can read it in the post by clicking here.
At first I was all excited about finding an answer to these questions.. knowing that only I could answer them.. because my answers would be very different and unique compared to anyone elses.. but a part of me put it off. Today Nigel asked me if I had answered the question yet and I was a little bit hesitant to tell him I was putting it off.. so I pushed myself to start.. I spent an hour on it in my break today and MAN ALIVE IT IS GOOD!
I encourage you in a big big big way to try it.. just start.. really think about the question and give it an honest shot an answering.. when I have sorted out my thoughts enough I will post some of what I got out of it..
for now.. staff meeting. Catch ya!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
frog in a pot
If I accept this now
It will be easier to tolerate that later
And if I excuse you now
It will be granted as natural later
so if I let it boil
a slow pending fate
no sudden movements
just adjusting to the heat
I won't see the harm
I won't feel the burn
I won't leap to safety
I will become
a tasty snack for the stingy French man to enjoy
It will be easier to tolerate that later
And if I excuse you now
It will be granted as natural later
so if I let it boil
a slow pending fate
no sudden movements
just adjusting to the heat
I won't see the harm
I won't feel the burn
I won't leap to safety
I will become
a tasty snack for the stingy French man to enjoy
Friday, March 27, 2009
Harvey
Harvey the hyundai is now sold. I got a good offer for him. Told the guy exactly what happened, showed him pics of the crash etc... And he still wanted it. Woo!
I'm a bit sad.. Harvey was a good car.
But... I have a new car.. KIA rio.
I hereby call a competition. All bloggers are invited to participate.
What shall corrie's new car be called?
My only thoughts so far are:
Whiteboy (it's white)
Sedatch (it's a sedan/hatch- not quite cool enough to be a wagon)
Chancho (because he is one of my favourite characters of all time)
So.... Beat my lameness and enter the comp.
To enter: post your ideas as comments.
Prize: a sweet pimpin ride in a white KIA rio sedan/hatch
Terms and conditions apply.
Not really, but I'm just making it official.
I'm a bit sad.. Harvey was a good car.
But... I have a new car.. KIA rio.
I hereby call a competition. All bloggers are invited to participate.
What shall corrie's new car be called?
My only thoughts so far are:
Whiteboy (it's white)
Sedatch (it's a sedan/hatch- not quite cool enough to be a wagon)
Chancho (because he is one of my favourite characters of all time)
So.... Beat my lameness and enter the comp.
To enter: post your ideas as comments.
Prize: a sweet pimpin ride in a white KIA rio sedan/hatch
Terms and conditions apply.
Not really, but I'm just making it official.
my shout
just a nice chance to catch up
pull up a stool
this ones on me
tell me more
let's get talking
i miss you.
so we sit
and we talk
sometimes as a group
then we split into twos and get a little deeper
we move a little
the sounds of conversation surround us
strangers meeting
old friends reuniting
we fit somewhere in the middle
but we fit.
the car we packed into sits outside
no one is driving home now
let's enjoy the cider
this ones on me
talk talk dance talk talk
go away
creepy old guy
can't you see we are happy
no, we don't want your hands on us
I'm not flirting
I'm telling you to leave
free. just the girls.
hold up, she caught his eye
a new friend, sweet
bring him over- this ones on me
talk talk talk laugh dance talk talk
that familiar twinkle
the facial expressions start becoming bigger
she's trying hard to look interested, but pretty at the same time
their legs get closer
not long before they are practically sitting on each other
he buys her a cider
- this ones on him -
I sit, and wait
he can't be that exciting
exciting enough to shrug your friend off
to let her sit by herself
an easy target for old sleezy men
each thinking they have some kind of charm
beer breath and a wobbly stance
you could at least keep your eyes open when you are chatting me up
you drunk
go home to your wife
I see the gold band on your finger
you disgust me.
and as for my girls - lost cause
the worst ending to a night out
but exactly how you love to end the night.
I'm out.
pull up a stool
this ones on me
tell me more
let's get talking
i miss you.
so we sit
and we talk
sometimes as a group
then we split into twos and get a little deeper
we move a little
the sounds of conversation surround us
strangers meeting
old friends reuniting
we fit somewhere in the middle
but we fit.
the car we packed into sits outside
no one is driving home now
let's enjoy the cider
this ones on me
talk talk dance talk talk
go away
creepy old guy
can't you see we are happy
no, we don't want your hands on us
I'm not flirting
I'm telling you to leave
free. just the girls.
hold up, she caught his eye
a new friend, sweet
bring him over- this ones on me
talk talk talk laugh dance talk talk
that familiar twinkle
the facial expressions start becoming bigger
she's trying hard to look interested, but pretty at the same time
their legs get closer
not long before they are practically sitting on each other
he buys her a cider
- this ones on him -
I sit, and wait
he can't be that exciting
exciting enough to shrug your friend off
to let her sit by herself
an easy target for old sleezy men
each thinking they have some kind of charm
beer breath and a wobbly stance
you could at least keep your eyes open when you are chatting me up
you drunk
go home to your wife
I see the gold band on your finger
you disgust me.
and as for my girls - lost cause
the worst ending to a night out
but exactly how you love to end the night.
I'm out.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
eeek!
last night i had nightmares.. a few various types.. not the 'wake up screaming' type.. but the ones that haunt your thoughts all day. I can't stop thinking about it.
One dream was about my friends - I was sitting back watching, trying very hard not to step in and tell them what they were doing was destructive and would bring about pain.. but because of the situation I couldn't do anything but sit and pretend I didn't see.. if I was in that situation in real life Im not sure what I would do - but it would almost kill me to see it happen. Its made me feel very sad and angry for them all day and it didnt even happen! Lately my dreams have been so vivid and meaningful.. its great when they are good dreams but last night I had a series of bad ones.
The last dream I had was strange. I dreamt I was standing in my kitchen and this guy knocked on the door and walked in. He was tall and dark and had kinda strange eyes that looked like he had a secret or some hidden agenda. He walked in and asked where Josh was. I explained that Josh had left to go out with some friends (this actually happened last night), and expected the guy the be cool with that and leave.. but he didnt. He almost looked delighted (in a dark kinda way) that Josh wasn't home.. he asked if anyone else was home.. and I stupidly said 'no'. He then walked into the kitchen and started making himself something to eat, so I very promptly walked into my bedroom and shut the door. I could hear him walking towards my room so I tried to lock the door but it wouldn't budge, the key got stuck.. I was looking around for a place to hide so I could pretend I wasn't there.. the only place was in the cupboard under the stairs (which is actually in my room).. I tried so hard to get in without making a sound, I got out my phone and tried to call Sam to come over and help me but when I looked up he was standing staring down at me in the cupboard.. dream over. I woke up very scared.. no one was home and I was terrified.. its been forever since ive had a yucky dream like that.
Last night was just packed full of bad dreams. Not too sure why - although (as my blog reflects) I was in a strange mood.. deep thinking, reflecting, perhaps being pretty harsh on myself, and bringing up a multitude of negative issues with myself.. perhaps I just set a bad mood before sleep.
Do you have nightmares? I think there are different sorts of nightmares.. the emotionally driven ones and the fear ones.. what sort do you have? Hmm..
One dream was about my friends - I was sitting back watching, trying very hard not to step in and tell them what they were doing was destructive and would bring about pain.. but because of the situation I couldn't do anything but sit and pretend I didn't see.. if I was in that situation in real life Im not sure what I would do - but it would almost kill me to see it happen. Its made me feel very sad and angry for them all day and it didnt even happen! Lately my dreams have been so vivid and meaningful.. its great when they are good dreams but last night I had a series of bad ones.
The last dream I had was strange. I dreamt I was standing in my kitchen and this guy knocked on the door and walked in. He was tall and dark and had kinda strange eyes that looked like he had a secret or some hidden agenda. He walked in and asked where Josh was. I explained that Josh had left to go out with some friends (this actually happened last night), and expected the guy the be cool with that and leave.. but he didnt. He almost looked delighted (in a dark kinda way) that Josh wasn't home.. he asked if anyone else was home.. and I stupidly said 'no'. He then walked into the kitchen and started making himself something to eat, so I very promptly walked into my bedroom and shut the door. I could hear him walking towards my room so I tried to lock the door but it wouldn't budge, the key got stuck.. I was looking around for a place to hide so I could pretend I wasn't there.. the only place was in the cupboard under the stairs (which is actually in my room).. I tried so hard to get in without making a sound, I got out my phone and tried to call Sam to come over and help me but when I looked up he was standing staring down at me in the cupboard.. dream over. I woke up very scared.. no one was home and I was terrified.. its been forever since ive had a yucky dream like that.
Last night was just packed full of bad dreams. Not too sure why - although (as my blog reflects) I was in a strange mood.. deep thinking, reflecting, perhaps being pretty harsh on myself, and bringing up a multitude of negative issues with myself.. perhaps I just set a bad mood before sleep.
Do you have nightmares? I think there are different sorts of nightmares.. the emotionally driven ones and the fear ones.. what sort do you have? Hmm..
wordle
This is a wordle (http://www.wordle.com/)
My friend Nick posted one which reflected his blog posts sometime last year. I have been waiting until I had enough posts to do an effective one.
It is a summary of all my blog posts since I began blogging. I found it interesting. The more common words are largest.. I believe you can get a closer look by clicking on the pic.
My friend Nick posted one which reflected his blog posts sometime last year. I have been waiting until I had enough posts to do an effective one.
It is a summary of all my blog posts since I began blogging. I found it interesting. The more common words are largest.. I believe you can get a closer look by clicking on the pic.
one more for the road
its one thing to complain about it
another to act
by writing this out i make me accountable
and my thoughts are no longer trapped
so enjoy the change of pace
these feelings may seem raw and blunt
i guess you know a bit more of me now
but there's plenty more to come.
another to act
by writing this out i make me accountable
and my thoughts are no longer trapped
so enjoy the change of pace
these feelings may seem raw and blunt
i guess you know a bit more of me now
but there's plenty more to come.
unexpected, slightly unwanted... - but makes sense?
who can count the amount of times i begged God to tell me
i never actually believed he would
i guess he either got sick of my nagging
or saw it as a chance to stretch me beyond hurt
always thought i would see it in the clouds
or a bird would drop a note through my window
perhaps an angel would visit and scare the shit out of me
instead you told me over general conversation
while sitting but three seats from the answer
ha.. i laugh at the simplicity of it all
at first i was cool with it
no real change in thoughts or feelings
if anything, a peace, accepting it as a 'maybe' thing
but now I am concerned
what if i am a fool to believe it
or a fool to not?
i believe in the power
i believe in the messenger
i have no doubt of the honesty behind the claim
i also have no doubt of the pain i would encounter if i choose to believe
- and if i chose wrong
who knows what the future holds
i have been given a hint - some hope -
but if i knew for sure, there would be no room for faith
and where's the hope in that?
i never actually believed he would
i guess he either got sick of my nagging
or saw it as a chance to stretch me beyond hurt
always thought i would see it in the clouds
or a bird would drop a note through my window
perhaps an angel would visit and scare the shit out of me
instead you told me over general conversation
while sitting but three seats from the answer
ha.. i laugh at the simplicity of it all
at first i was cool with it
no real change in thoughts or feelings
if anything, a peace, accepting it as a 'maybe' thing
but now I am concerned
what if i am a fool to believe it
or a fool to not?
i believe in the power
i believe in the messenger
i have no doubt of the honesty behind the claim
i also have no doubt of the pain i would encounter if i choose to believe
- and if i chose wrong
who knows what the future holds
i have been given a hint - some hope -
but if i knew for sure, there would be no room for faith
and where's the hope in that?
my immediate reaction
so you are meant to be that friend who is steadfast and sure
the one who calls to see that im doing ok
my sturdy, reliable, consistent friend
dont give me that
dont go saying you need me now
im all about take take take
im that girl who recieves the calls and soaks it up
gimme gimme more of that attention you hand out so freely
it has always been about what you can do for me
when you put it like that, suddenly I am expected to come back with something
its easier to shut you down
you took 'caring' a step too far
the last thing a selfish girl like me needs is to know you want me to love you back
im happy being the taker - you can love me as much as you like
just dont expect any in return
the one who calls to see that im doing ok
my sturdy, reliable, consistent friend
dont give me that
dont go saying you need me now
im all about take take take
im that girl who recieves the calls and soaks it up
gimme gimme more of that attention you hand out so freely
it has always been about what you can do for me
when you put it like that, suddenly I am expected to come back with something
its easier to shut you down
you took 'caring' a step too far
the last thing a selfish girl like me needs is to know you want me to love you back
im happy being the taker - you can love me as much as you like
just dont expect any in return
the ugly me
i think you are the most beautiful girl
your hair is perfect
your eyes - beautiful and piercing
you talk with character
unmistakable self identity
yet you say you are so self conscious
i see you have it all together
maybe not emotionally, but you are consistent in who you are
you are admired and envied by me and them
we all look at you and cringe - not at you - but judging ourselves in comparison
yet you portray your thoughts as insecure
i cant help but think you are prettier than i am
- because you are -
i cant help but feel jealous
i cant help but wish you would leave
i cant help but wish you never knew me
i cant help but think you are perfect
lately i have been praying for you
but more so for me
that i might channel my frustration into positive thoughts
that i can stop being so jealous
that i will allow myself to let go of the 'me' problems so i can appreciate you for the beautiful you i see
it is tearing at me and i can see it is impacting you
how could i let myself do that?
ugly ugly envy.
i hate being so selfish
i hate being so caught up in myself
i hate that i let it bother me
i dont hate you - i love you
im sorry it appears that way
i hate that im too damned proud to tell you
your hair is perfect
your eyes - beautiful and piercing
you talk with character
unmistakable self identity
yet you say you are so self conscious
i see you have it all together
maybe not emotionally, but you are consistent in who you are
you are admired and envied by me and them
we all look at you and cringe - not at you - but judging ourselves in comparison
yet you portray your thoughts as insecure
i cant help but think you are prettier than i am
- because you are -
i cant help but feel jealous
i cant help but wish you would leave
i cant help but wish you never knew me
i cant help but think you are perfect
lately i have been praying for you
but more so for me
that i might channel my frustration into positive thoughts
that i can stop being so jealous
that i will allow myself to let go of the 'me' problems so i can appreciate you for the beautiful you i see
it is tearing at me and i can see it is impacting you
how could i let myself do that?
ugly ugly envy.
i hate being so selfish
i hate being so caught up in myself
i hate that i let it bother me
i dont hate you - i love you
im sorry it appears that way
i hate that im too damned proud to tell you
back in the day
ok, safe to say I have blogged too much tonight already but I just can't switch my thoughts off. I want to write so much but I will refrain!
So anyway - I read back over some of the old myspace surveys and crap I used to post about a year ago.. what the!? Who is that girl who used to write that crap? I am actually feeling very very embarrassed and highly concerned for the people who read that and thought that it was a true reflection of me - perhaps it was at the time.. who knows.. but reading back over it I am embarrassed and wanting to hit delete.. unfortunately.. I know the damage is done and people have read it. Oh well.
Isn't it funny how in a year from now I will probably read back over this blog and be embarrassed about what I am writing now.. I think the more I grow and mature the more I realise how far I have got to go.. I truly think I am still growing in a big way and havent come to any sort of a plateau as yet.. and thats a good thing!
So tonight I am going to pimp this page with thoughts.. apologies to those who read every word.. I have a lot of words tonight.
So anyway - I read back over some of the old myspace surveys and crap I used to post about a year ago.. what the!? Who is that girl who used to write that crap? I am actually feeling very very embarrassed and highly concerned for the people who read that and thought that it was a true reflection of me - perhaps it was at the time.. who knows.. but reading back over it I am embarrassed and wanting to hit delete.. unfortunately.. I know the damage is done and people have read it. Oh well.
Isn't it funny how in a year from now I will probably read back over this blog and be embarrassed about what I am writing now.. I think the more I grow and mature the more I realise how far I have got to go.. I truly think I am still growing in a big way and havent come to any sort of a plateau as yet.. and thats a good thing!
So tonight I am going to pimp this page with thoughts.. apologies to those who read every word.. I have a lot of words tonight.
thoughts towards an answer
If I could trust you enough to trust me
I would find myself letting go
hard work - but worth the effort
I would drop it like an unwanted kilo
Will my weight be too much for you?
I could offload it temporarily
- but I wouldn't want to break you
i know this honesty scares you
So I will hold on one more day
each day no measure of time
we could share the burden together
or you could just let me carry it - to be cruel is to be kind.
I would find myself letting go
hard work - but worth the effort
I would drop it like an unwanted kilo
Will my weight be too much for you?
I could offload it temporarily
- but I wouldn't want to break you
i know this honesty scares you
So I will hold on one more day
each day no measure of time
we could share the burden together
or you could just let me carry it - to be cruel is to be kind.
Corrie Louisa Baxter
The meaning of Corrie is "hill hollow". Popular name from 1810 - 1920.
Corrie is a very rare first name and a very popular surname (source: 1990 U.S. Census).
The girl's name Corrie \c(or)-rie\, also used as boy's name Corrie, is a variant of Cora (English, Greek), Corey (Irish, Gaelic) and Kora (Greek), and the meaning of Corrie is "the hollow (Irish); or maiden (Greek)".
Louisa was more common in the 18th and 19th centuries. German and French name meaning: Fame and War.
Baxter \bax-ter\ is pronounced BAK-ster. It is of Old English origin, and its meaning is "baker". Occupational name and transferred use of the surname, which originated in the Middle Ages.
Corrie is a very rare first name and a very popular surname (source: 1990 U.S. Census).
The girl's name Corrie \c(or)-rie\, also used as boy's name Corrie, is a variant of Cora (English, Greek), Corey (Irish, Gaelic) and Kora (Greek), and the meaning of Corrie is "the hollow (Irish); or maiden (Greek)".
Louisa was more common in the 18th and 19th centuries. German and French name meaning: Fame and War.
Baxter \bax-ter\ is pronounced BAK-ster. It is of Old English origin, and its meaning is "baker". Occupational name and transferred use of the surname, which originated in the Middle Ages.
this might work
I got a new blogging application
So you can consider this a demonstration
As I type this I wear a cheeky smirk
Now I just hope my post will work
Sent from my iPhone - technology is bliss!
Who ever could imagine convenience like this?
Now look at me I am muchos excited
That blogger.com and iPhone have united!
So you can consider this a demonstration
As I type this I wear a cheeky smirk
Now I just hope my post will work
Sent from my iPhone - technology is bliss!
Who ever could imagine convenience like this?
Now look at me I am muchos excited
That blogger.com and iPhone have united!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Nigel asked me this...
If you could do anything knowing you couldn't fail, what would you do?
Following that:
What is stopping you from doing that?
What things might you still be holding onto?
For you to grow - what things could you let go of?
Keep an eye on the blog for some random posts that will be reflecting my answers to this question..
Following that:
What is stopping you from doing that?
What things might you still be holding onto?
For you to grow - what things could you let go of?
Keep an eye on the blog for some random posts that will be reflecting my answers to this question..
some very random google searches that lead people to my page..
"i was a king" (about 7 different searches for this over a few days)
"dennis schocket"
"creaky boards"
"brooklyn is love"
"corrie baxter"
"Dennis Schocket "The Cinderblock Mansion" (again?)
hmmmm the internet is a different kinda place..
"i was a king" (about 7 different searches for this over a few days)
"dennis schocket"
"creaky boards"
"brooklyn is love"
"corrie baxter"
"Dennis Schocket "The Cinderblock Mansion" (again?)
hmmmm the internet is a different kinda place..
new horizons
my dad has applied for a job in egypt...
its pretty cool and im pretty excited. its a job he would love and it would be great for our family. we are all a bit excited about it.. im just excited that things are moving again and that dad is well enough to be applying for jobs again (since his crushed leg incident). So if he gets this job or not im just stoked that he is even able to apply :-)
things at home were pretty cool this weekend.. a different vibe.. it was exciting.
its pretty cool and im pretty excited. its a job he would love and it would be great for our family. we are all a bit excited about it.. im just excited that things are moving again and that dad is well enough to be applying for jobs again (since his crushed leg incident). So if he gets this job or not im just stoked that he is even able to apply :-)
things at home were pretty cool this weekend.. a different vibe.. it was exciting.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
i choose to act accordingly
not thought through or planned
just habit, routine repeating itself
i find me in the same place again
not such a bad thing
to conform to this way
to live as an ambassador for you and for real faith
making all the right moves
saying all the correct words
i am influencing you
and my actions are being heard
its a shame i let myself believe
that he cares most about my actions
because the thing he looks at - it overrides them all
is in fact my intentions
such a subtle part
of all the living that is done
but he judges my heart
not how many hearts are won
not thought through or planned
just habit, routine repeating itself
i find me in the same place again
not such a bad thing
to conform to this way
to live as an ambassador for you and for real faith
making all the right moves
saying all the correct words
i am influencing you
and my actions are being heard
its a shame i let myself believe
that he cares most about my actions
because the thing he looks at - it overrides them all
is in fact my intentions
such a subtle part
of all the living that is done
but he judges my heart
not how many hearts are won
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
ouch x 10
so I'm lying in bed, trying to get some sleep.. my body is tired, aching in fact.. i did a body pump class this morning at the gym and did training tonight so a double whammie has totalled me.
So even though I am so tired, my mind is awake and buzzing. It has been lately - in general. A few things circling around in my little hollow head that seem to be taking up a lot of thinking space!
Its funny being me.. and I hope I'm not the only one who thinks that about myself.. do u find it funny being you? If you were not you, would you advise yourself to do things differently? I would foh shizz. I think I need to advise myself now to stop thinking and start dreaming..
On that note - I have been dreaming a LOT lately.. have blogged about a few of them..they are all very vivid dreams.. strangely realistic.. and comforting? I don't know.. you ever have a dream when you feel like you grew closer to someone even though in real life you haven't? Well for me I am dreaming a lot about a few particular people lately and I actually think it is helping me understand them a lot more.. almost like I'm getting to know them without actually seeing them.. weird - and probably not very accurate in terms of what they are like in real life compared to my dreams.. but hey.. i like dreaming.
So good night all you legends out there.. thanks for being my debrief for today..
sleep tight and remain macho.
x
So even though I am so tired, my mind is awake and buzzing. It has been lately - in general. A few things circling around in my little hollow head that seem to be taking up a lot of thinking space!
Its funny being me.. and I hope I'm not the only one who thinks that about myself.. do u find it funny being you? If you were not you, would you advise yourself to do things differently? I would foh shizz. I think I need to advise myself now to stop thinking and start dreaming..
On that note - I have been dreaming a LOT lately.. have blogged about a few of them..they are all very vivid dreams.. strangely realistic.. and comforting? I don't know.. you ever have a dream when you feel like you grew closer to someone even though in real life you haven't? Well for me I am dreaming a lot about a few particular people lately and I actually think it is helping me understand them a lot more.. almost like I'm getting to know them without actually seeing them.. weird - and probably not very accurate in terms of what they are like in real life compared to my dreams.. but hey.. i like dreaming.
So good night all you legends out there.. thanks for being my debrief for today..
sleep tight and remain macho.
x
two things
Today is St Patricks day.. yesterday I gave my students homework to find out some info on this Patty bloke.. because one of the girls said 'why the heck do we celebrate it anyway?'.. so I got them to do the research!
They all busted in this morning with beaming faces all wanting to share what they had discovered.. it seems old Patty lived a pretty eventful life.. so anyway, we had a bit of a discussion about it all and everyone got to share what they found out.. and then we got onto talking about why some people were labelled as saints in the catholic church and what they had to do to become a saint.. this is an area I know very little about so I let the students take the discussion and just took it all in and saw where they were going with it all. So it got to the point where they were talking about miracles and that you had to perform two miracles to become a saint.. at that point I asked them all to think of two things they would do if they could perform miracles.. they all had a good think about it and one by one hands started popping up and it wasn't long before they were all busting to share their thoughts.. so.. one by one they had their say..
some beautiful things came up.. here are just a few
grade 6, girl: I would find a cure for cancer.. not just for humans but for the tassie devils too.
grade 7, girl: I would make every parent love their children.. because every child needs to have a mum and dad who loves them.
grade 6, boy: i would bring back all the huge extinct animals and let people enjoy them.
grade 7, girl: I would get rid of money so everyone is equal.
grade 8, boy: I would jump in front of trucks if old grannies were going to get hit by them.
I then asked them to think about how many different people that would effect.. and to explain what they think would happen if they performed that miracle today..
they all got excited.. it was kind of amazing really.. it made me feel so so so pumped for these guys who have such an excitement and an obvious passion for helping people.. they were beaming with excitement at the thought of changing the world.. we all talked about how we can each impact the world in different ways and that the things we do play a massive part in others lives.. and that there is nothing that says we can't perform those kind of mircales..such a good conversation.
So... now its your turn.. if you could do two things.. what would you do? I know we all would like to do more than two but just put it out there.. pick two things u would do if u could do anything in the world :-)
They all busted in this morning with beaming faces all wanting to share what they had discovered.. it seems old Patty lived a pretty eventful life.. so anyway, we had a bit of a discussion about it all and everyone got to share what they found out.. and then we got onto talking about why some people were labelled as saints in the catholic church and what they had to do to become a saint.. this is an area I know very little about so I let the students take the discussion and just took it all in and saw where they were going with it all. So it got to the point where they were talking about miracles and that you had to perform two miracles to become a saint.. at that point I asked them all to think of two things they would do if they could perform miracles.. they all had a good think about it and one by one hands started popping up and it wasn't long before they were all busting to share their thoughts.. so.. one by one they had their say..
some beautiful things came up.. here are just a few
grade 6, girl: I would find a cure for cancer.. not just for humans but for the tassie devils too.
grade 7, girl: I would make every parent love their children.. because every child needs to have a mum and dad who loves them.
grade 6, boy: i would bring back all the huge extinct animals and let people enjoy them.
grade 7, girl: I would get rid of money so everyone is equal.
grade 8, boy: I would jump in front of trucks if old grannies were going to get hit by them.
I then asked them to think about how many different people that would effect.. and to explain what they think would happen if they performed that miracle today..
they all got excited.. it was kind of amazing really.. it made me feel so so so pumped for these guys who have such an excitement and an obvious passion for helping people.. they were beaming with excitement at the thought of changing the world.. we all talked about how we can each impact the world in different ways and that the things we do play a massive part in others lives.. and that there is nothing that says we can't perform those kind of mircales..such a good conversation.
So... now its your turn.. if you could do two things.. what would you do? I know we all would like to do more than two but just put it out there.. pick two things u would do if u could do anything in the world :-)
Monday, March 16, 2009
reflections
I just have to say that I have a very tough job, but it is also exactly where I want to be and exactly what I want to be doing. I work in a small town with a tiny community of people who all know each others business and who all live by the same set of values - and its a town I was once pretty afraid of being a part of because of how set in their culture they are.. its a bit scary really.. but after working there and seeing just how much good comes out of the place I am really falling in love with the people there... yeah there are things I don't agree with and there are people who make me want to chuck, but there are also the people whose hearts are so evidently in tune with compassion and who give all they have to making life a positive experience for others. I have seen a lot of heartache since working at this school, and a lot of broken children who are in desperate need of love.. and it touches me to see how the community pull together in a non-weird kinda way to help these young dudes. Its cool being an 'outsider' who comes in each day to work and then leaves.. I wouldn't have it any other way.. I don't think I could live there - because of my own personal reasons - but I can see why people do choose to live there. It is a very supportive community (once u get past all the technical rubbish that every organisation seem to have).. I'm just glad to be doing my bit there.. I'm employed as a teacher, but i really feel that my job is so much more than that. Working in a small school you naturally have to learn to work as a team - it just doesn't work otherwise. I love it.. and I don't know if I will be there after this year (who knows where i will be) but for now this is my job and it is also very much a passion.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
not sure why.. but i do.
and this is what I think of you
you're too concerned with yourself
but its beautiful when you show how concerned you are about others
you get critical and have a rant
but its beautiful to hear you speak so passionately
you forget how much impact you have on everyone around you
but its beautiful when you intentionally impact people
you are opinionated and outspoken
but its beautiful to see you being just
you can be rude and misunderstood
but its beautiful when you speak uplifting words
you are always late
but its beautiful when you get there
you dont let people know how much you appreciate them
but when you do, its beautiful
you repeat yourself over and over and over
its ardent - its beautiful.
i always feel judged by you, and not good enough
but it makes me want to become a better person
and that is a beautiful thing
you're too concerned with yourself
but its beautiful when you show how concerned you are about others
you get critical and have a rant
but its beautiful to hear you speak so passionately
you forget how much impact you have on everyone around you
but its beautiful when you intentionally impact people
you are opinionated and outspoken
but its beautiful to see you being just
you can be rude and misunderstood
but its beautiful when you speak uplifting words
you are always late
but its beautiful when you get there
you dont let people know how much you appreciate them
but when you do, its beautiful
you repeat yourself over and over and over
its ardent - its beautiful.
i always feel judged by you, and not good enough
but it makes me want to become a better person
and that is a beautiful thing
Friday, March 13, 2009
this boy thing
so they think i am a lost cause
just playing it cool
staying safe in my hard shell that you're not allowed to break through
its safe in here
just me and me
i'm stating my claim -
no room for anybody
i think you're a lost cause
no matter how cool I play it
you stay in your shell -
that's right... you're scared, I can tell.
such a cautious approach
- if you only knew-
you don't need to be that way with me
I'm me for me, not 'me' for you
i'm happy with me,
just me and me
stating my claim
no room for anybody
so get off my grass
take a look at what we have
if you keep thinking I'm in it for more
you're just fooling yourself.
just playing it cool
staying safe in my hard shell that you're not allowed to break through
its safe in here
just me and me
i'm stating my claim -
no room for anybody
i think you're a lost cause
no matter how cool I play it
you stay in your shell -
that's right... you're scared, I can tell.
such a cautious approach
- if you only knew-
you don't need to be that way with me
I'm me for me, not 'me' for you
i'm happy with me,
just me and me
stating my claim
no room for anybody
so get off my grass
take a look at what we have
if you keep thinking I'm in it for more
you're just fooling yourself.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
thinks me words stuffed up
i dont know where to start today
im just going to type and whatever comes out is what you get.
well lately i have been thinking a lot about life and my beliefs and where i stand on a lot of things and basically im really confused. I guess I do have pretty strong opinions on some things, but in other things I am completely fickle and have paper thin reasoning for everything.. I have found lately that my thoughts tell a completely different story than my words and this frustrates the heck out of me. I want so badly to express what I am thinking without stumbling all over my words and not having a vocab big enough to get my point across without tainting it with lameness. I often walk away from conversations feeling like a total fool. Why cant I just say it - why cant it just roll out my mouth in the same language as Im thinking it?
A few years ago a guy I was really diggin told me I had a 'nervous giggle'.. he said it in a way that made me feel self conscious about it.. like he kinda pointed it out as a fault or something.. and yeah fo shizz he was spot on.. I did have a nervous giggle.. but that giggle helped me break the silence for words to come out.. i guess? It was like the giggle replaced the need for those tough first words.. i dunno.. but anyway.. i worked hard on breaking the nervous giggle habit.. and it broke.. but along with that came this self conscious thing where I was constantly thinking about what I sounded like.. what other little nervous ticks did I have? Now I think it is habit for me without even realising it to be all worried about what I sound like and I completely lose what I want to say! It annoys me.
And another thing - I often say words that are not anything like what I want to say.. so not only do I not say my thoughts.. but I say them wrong.. and most of the time I have poor choice of wording so it makes me sound like a bitter cow or a negative nancy.
Hmmm this is not a massive thing for me, but it does affect me. I just want to feel like I can open up with people and say what im really thinking.. instead of what I think might sound OK. Its hard to explain.. its not like every conversation I have is like this.. in fact.. its pretty much only people that I care a lot about who I get like this with. If its just a regular convo with mates I am fine..
Its stupid. I should feel most comfortable with these people. I should feel like I can be myself because I love them so much. Who knows.
But anyway - the whole paper thin opinions and reasoning thing. I feel like a fool. No other word to describe it. I have so many intelligent friends around me who I LOVE talking with.. I actually love it.. but I always feel like I have nothing to contribute.. the other night my friend was saying some stuff to me about his views on things and I was sitting there taking it all in - so much that I didnt have anything to say back to him.. poor guy didnt know if I understood what he meant or if I was even listening.. made me feel like a real fool. I guess I just feel a bit insecure about the whole intelligence thing.. but in saying that.. i encourage my students everyday to embrace their natural intelligence because we all have different ways we are smart and gifted.. so I guess mine is something im yet to discover.
This is a bit of a rant, but I guess a blog is a good spot to have a good old rant about whatever.
im just going to type and whatever comes out is what you get.
well lately i have been thinking a lot about life and my beliefs and where i stand on a lot of things and basically im really confused. I guess I do have pretty strong opinions on some things, but in other things I am completely fickle and have paper thin reasoning for everything.. I have found lately that my thoughts tell a completely different story than my words and this frustrates the heck out of me. I want so badly to express what I am thinking without stumbling all over my words and not having a vocab big enough to get my point across without tainting it with lameness. I often walk away from conversations feeling like a total fool. Why cant I just say it - why cant it just roll out my mouth in the same language as Im thinking it?
A few years ago a guy I was really diggin told me I had a 'nervous giggle'.. he said it in a way that made me feel self conscious about it.. like he kinda pointed it out as a fault or something.. and yeah fo shizz he was spot on.. I did have a nervous giggle.. but that giggle helped me break the silence for words to come out.. i guess? It was like the giggle replaced the need for those tough first words.. i dunno.. but anyway.. i worked hard on breaking the nervous giggle habit.. and it broke.. but along with that came this self conscious thing where I was constantly thinking about what I sounded like.. what other little nervous ticks did I have? Now I think it is habit for me without even realising it to be all worried about what I sound like and I completely lose what I want to say! It annoys me.
And another thing - I often say words that are not anything like what I want to say.. so not only do I not say my thoughts.. but I say them wrong.. and most of the time I have poor choice of wording so it makes me sound like a bitter cow or a negative nancy.
Hmmm this is not a massive thing for me, but it does affect me. I just want to feel like I can open up with people and say what im really thinking.. instead of what I think might sound OK. Its hard to explain.. its not like every conversation I have is like this.. in fact.. its pretty much only people that I care a lot about who I get like this with. If its just a regular convo with mates I am fine..
Its stupid. I should feel most comfortable with these people. I should feel like I can be myself because I love them so much. Who knows.
But anyway - the whole paper thin opinions and reasoning thing. I feel like a fool. No other word to describe it. I have so many intelligent friends around me who I LOVE talking with.. I actually love it.. but I always feel like I have nothing to contribute.. the other night my friend was saying some stuff to me about his views on things and I was sitting there taking it all in - so much that I didnt have anything to say back to him.. poor guy didnt know if I understood what he meant or if I was even listening.. made me feel like a real fool. I guess I just feel a bit insecure about the whole intelligence thing.. but in saying that.. i encourage my students everyday to embrace their natural intelligence because we all have different ways we are smart and gifted.. so I guess mine is something im yet to discover.
This is a bit of a rant, but I guess a blog is a good spot to have a good old rant about whatever.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
yes, its about you.
perplexed by you and your adept timing
harass my apprehensive heart again
at the very moment when i give you over
you bound back in to claim your place
you sit solid in the core of my thoughts
you overtake any rational decision
everything is you
everything is for you and your hold over me
i want to let go
so badly
yes, i screamed at God today
because He should know better
than to push me this far
to have me give you up
and then let you slam back into my life
you have no clue
you never will
because the letters i've written mean nothing
compared to the years spent faithful to you
harass my apprehensive heart again
at the very moment when i give you over
you bound back in to claim your place
you sit solid in the core of my thoughts
you overtake any rational decision
everything is you
everything is for you and your hold over me
i want to let go
so badly
yes, i screamed at God today
because He should know better
than to push me this far
to have me give you up
and then let you slam back into my life
you have no clue
you never will
because the letters i've written mean nothing
compared to the years spent faithful to you
Sunday, March 8, 2009
72481539
agh! today is one of those days where I am getting everything done that needed to be done about 5 weeks ago.. or in some cases 5 months ago.
I finally did my tax return. I hate tax. I hate numbers and money and invoices and transfers and crap. Im trying very hard to finish off my child care book work so I never have to do these crappy invoices again. UGH! I dont think I will ever run a business.. or if I do I will hire someone for every job that involves thinking.
So im feeling a bit drained, a bit over it... and slightly annoyed that the sun is shining and I am tucked up in bed doing this rubbish.
Enough of the negative.. I have some good news..
I am getting my car this week! YAY.. Kia Rio 2000 (the interior and the engine is 2004).. im pumped.. should be a nice ride. I just want to know I have my own car again!
Now what to do with the old one?..... its still mechanically fine.. got a whole heap of work done to it recently and its a shame to let it go.. its classed as a write off because of the damage to the body.. hmm not sure what to do.. rego runs out this month.. so I better do something quick. Suggestions?
Over and out.
I finally did my tax return. I hate tax. I hate numbers and money and invoices and transfers and crap. Im trying very hard to finish off my child care book work so I never have to do these crappy invoices again. UGH! I dont think I will ever run a business.. or if I do I will hire someone for every job that involves thinking.
So im feeling a bit drained, a bit over it... and slightly annoyed that the sun is shining and I am tucked up in bed doing this rubbish.
Enough of the negative.. I have some good news..
I am getting my car this week! YAY.. Kia Rio 2000 (the interior and the engine is 2004).. im pumped.. should be a nice ride. I just want to know I have my own car again!
Now what to do with the old one?..... its still mechanically fine.. got a whole heap of work done to it recently and its a shame to let it go.. its classed as a write off because of the damage to the body.. hmm not sure what to do.. rego runs out this month.. so I better do something quick. Suggestions?
Over and out.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Re: Ten Things
Nick posted a blog about the ten things that he hates.. being the first ten things that come to mind.. here are mine:
1. buying screw top light bulbs when you need twist ones
2. buying twist light bulbs when you need screw ones
3. lending CDs/DVDs that come back scratched
4. crashing cars into gates and not being insured
5. when people deliberately try to make you look stupid or inferior in front of someone they are trying to impress
6. mc donalds
7. instant coffee
8. money and people who are so absorbed in the superficial idea of wealth
9. bullying of any sort
10. hiding in helicopters during lightening storms
1. buying screw top light bulbs when you need twist ones
2. buying twist light bulbs when you need screw ones
3. lending CDs/DVDs that come back scratched
4. crashing cars into gates and not being insured
5. when people deliberately try to make you look stupid or inferior in front of someone they are trying to impress
6. mc donalds
7. instant coffee
8. money and people who are so absorbed in the superficial idea of wealth
9. bullying of any sort
10. hiding in helicopters during lightening storms
umm something deeper than usual
calamity has it's charm
she pulls it in- looks it in the eye
not scared of the confrontation
but satisfied with the stare
he gapes at her fixation
he sees nothing past the skin
no desire, no perturbation
oblivious to the commotion
sees only the husk, the shell
he sees her as she once saw him
a something
commodity
a stock
he sees it as a sale
an exchange between the two
he cant afford the mistake
on this 'no refund' stint - he bails.
it dawns on him her feelings
he retreats to save face
she has no suspicion he knows this
until the dreaded 'mate'
he changes his mode
too confounded, perplexed to care
obviously he knows - her intentions behind the stare
back to where she started
calamity and emotion reign
she wont learn from this mistake
instead she will live for the commotion again
too enthralled in his intrinsic self
no focus on his husk
she sees his faults and loves him
won't put this one on the shelf
she pulls it in- looks it in the eye
not scared of the confrontation
but satisfied with the stare
he gapes at her fixation
he sees nothing past the skin
no desire, no perturbation
oblivious to the commotion
sees only the husk, the shell
he sees her as she once saw him
a something
commodity
a stock
he sees it as a sale
an exchange between the two
he cant afford the mistake
on this 'no refund' stint - he bails.
it dawns on him her feelings
he retreats to save face
she has no suspicion he knows this
until the dreaded 'mate'
he changes his mode
too confounded, perplexed to care
obviously he knows - her intentions behind the stare
back to where she started
calamity and emotion reign
she wont learn from this mistake
instead she will live for the commotion again
too enthralled in his intrinsic self
no focus on his husk
she sees his faults and loves him
won't put this one on the shelf
Thursday, March 5, 2009
sausages and such
YAY! We won our first game of basketball tonight.. I loved it so much! Its such a good feeling to work your butt off as a team and even if we didn't win I know I would have had a fabbo time.. Im pumped for this.. I think Ive found something I love.
Can I just share with you something that made my heart melt today at school.. one of the boys who has been a bit of a challenge to me said completely out of the blue 'you served me a sausage miss'.. and at first I thought.. what the? What was he saying... so I asked him to say it again.. "what did you say sorry?" and he repeated "you served me a sausage".. I automatically got defensive wondering what the heck he was on about because he was just saying it like I should know what he meant and I began to wonder if he was about to make a big joke of me or something.. sounds harsh by me but its quite likely.. anyway.. he looked up at me and waited for me to respond.. I said "oh.. um.. what do you mean?" and he said "on the very first day.. remember.. before school started.. at the bbq.. you served me my sausage"..
he just looked at me and smiled. for this boy to stand there smiling at me without trying to pinch me or poke me is an amazing thing in itself.. but it was so sweet.. he was just letting me know that he remembered that and then he said "yeah - remember? you served me a sausage and it was gooood".
haha.. sorry.. I just found it such a nice thing.. even if it isn't an intentional compliment, it really made me feel like he was responding to me in a positive way for the first time this year. I think its going to be a long road with some of these students, but I care very much for each of them and am prepared to take the journey with them.
Can I just share with you something that made my heart melt today at school.. one of the boys who has been a bit of a challenge to me said completely out of the blue 'you served me a sausage miss'.. and at first I thought.. what the? What was he saying... so I asked him to say it again.. "what did you say sorry?" and he repeated "you served me a sausage".. I automatically got defensive wondering what the heck he was on about because he was just saying it like I should know what he meant and I began to wonder if he was about to make a big joke of me or something.. sounds harsh by me but its quite likely.. anyway.. he looked up at me and waited for me to respond.. I said "oh.. um.. what do you mean?" and he said "on the very first day.. remember.. before school started.. at the bbq.. you served me my sausage"..
he just looked at me and smiled. for this boy to stand there smiling at me without trying to pinch me or poke me is an amazing thing in itself.. but it was so sweet.. he was just letting me know that he remembered that and then he said "yeah - remember? you served me a sausage and it was gooood".
haha.. sorry.. I just found it such a nice thing.. even if it isn't an intentional compliment, it really made me feel like he was responding to me in a positive way for the first time this year. I think its going to be a long road with some of these students, but I care very much for each of them and am prepared to take the journey with them.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
did that just happen?
Most of the 'love' poems I post on here are written by me but not exactly a clear reflection of my thoughts and feelings.. i usually tend to write from my perspective of someone elses perspective.. if that makes sense? But last night I had a strange dream about a friend of mine.. it was one of those dreams that feel so real until about an hour after you wake up and realise it was all in your head! So this morning I was in love with this guy for about an hour.. haha and then i realised it was a dream.. so weird. Anyhow.. here is my reflection of that experience!
the dream you holds on tight
he clutches to my side and warms my hand with his
he makes no show of what we have
we just have it
the dream you looks just like you
he talks with passion
he stands with pose
he makes no statement; he just lets me know
the conscious me feels held
drawn closer to his side
warmed and loved and secure in his grasp
the conscious me is loved
i wake with content, rising to the day
the dream you haunts my thoughts
he looks like you
he talks like you
he loves the dream me
wait - the dream me.. the conscious me..
confusion.
reckon with my thoughts for a moment
sigh.
the conscious me was dreaming
the dream you holds on tight
he clutches to my side and warms my hand with his
he makes no show of what we have
we just have it
the dream you looks just like you
he talks with passion
he stands with pose
he makes no statement; he just lets me know
the conscious me feels held
drawn closer to his side
warmed and loved and secure in his grasp
the conscious me is loved
i wake with content, rising to the day
the dream you haunts my thoughts
he looks like you
he talks like you
he loves the dream me
wait - the dream me.. the conscious me..
confusion.
reckon with my thoughts for a moment
sigh.
the conscious me was dreaming
quick one
Tonight I had my first basketball training session. I forgot how much I loved sports. It was good fun. Im keen to get into it. I had a few knee issues as a kid which meant I had to stop playing sport when I hit grade 7. I hated that. So this is good.. I am excited to get back into sport.
Now - I have to be quick. I promised myself I would be in bed early tonight because I had a late one last night chilling with Nick, Katie and Jas. Loved it - always do. Something I realised about chillin sessions is that even if I literally just sit and chill and do not much else, I still walk away feeling refreshed and motivated.. something sparks inside me when I'm around close friends. I totally get why fellowship is needed. Last night I kinda said something along the lines of 'I sometimes get caught up in the meantime or the future.. never a balance between the two'.. and I started thinking about it all day today.. what is my passion for now.. and what is my passion for the future? I honestly have no idea.. for the now I know I am so committed to my kids in my class and would consider them a very high priority of mine.. I know that I want to be used by God in any way He chooses, and at the moment that seems to be through my work, mainly.
When thinking about the future.. I can't pinpoint a single thing I want to do passionately.. except.. I love being the support for someone who does have a passion.. if that makes sense? I enjoy so much encouraging others in their passion and I think that at the moment I am being used in that way with a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.. hmm.. its hard to put my thoughts into words.
It gets me excited though.. where will I be in ten years? With who? Doing what? Still blogging? Ha!.. possibly and probably still asking myself the same questions..
so I am just going to live with a will to do what I am called to do, and a faith that I will know (or not know but somehow end up) doing what I am meant to do..
Hmm.
OH! ...and... I made some amazing banana muffins tonight. Josh said he couldn't find a fault in them.. YAY! There is hope for the hopeless muffin maker!
Now - I have to be quick. I promised myself I would be in bed early tonight because I had a late one last night chilling with Nick, Katie and Jas. Loved it - always do. Something I realised about chillin sessions is that even if I literally just sit and chill and do not much else, I still walk away feeling refreshed and motivated.. something sparks inside me when I'm around close friends. I totally get why fellowship is needed. Last night I kinda said something along the lines of 'I sometimes get caught up in the meantime or the future.. never a balance between the two'.. and I started thinking about it all day today.. what is my passion for now.. and what is my passion for the future? I honestly have no idea.. for the now I know I am so committed to my kids in my class and would consider them a very high priority of mine.. I know that I want to be used by God in any way He chooses, and at the moment that seems to be through my work, mainly.
When thinking about the future.. I can't pinpoint a single thing I want to do passionately.. except.. I love being the support for someone who does have a passion.. if that makes sense? I enjoy so much encouraging others in their passion and I think that at the moment I am being used in that way with a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.. hmm.. its hard to put my thoughts into words.
It gets me excited though.. where will I be in ten years? With who? Doing what? Still blogging? Ha!.. possibly and probably still asking myself the same questions..
so I am just going to live with a will to do what I am called to do, and a faith that I will know (or not know but somehow end up) doing what I am meant to do..
Hmm.
OH! ...and... I made some amazing banana muffins tonight. Josh said he couldn't find a fault in them.. YAY! There is hope for the hopeless muffin maker!
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