raspberry twisters

forever from here when i think of now
will i feel so torn when the future has come
and the now is gone?

will you find?
in someone else?
probably
just dont tell me
...but make sure i know

will i still hear the words you wrote
come alive with their own pulse
will my words still read the emotions stagnant in me?

time will tell
when my decisions turn to change
is it enough to remove the stain
he spilt on my shoulder?

your words and ways are wound tight around my everything
cut me down, i cant hang here forever
and forever from here i will think of now
i will wonder if you knew
that raspberry twisters will always remind me of you

Australia

I just got back from a holiday around South Australia and Victoria. I went with one of my friends from uni. We spent most of our time in SA because it was so beautiful. In true corrie style we made no plans, just booked a flight into Adelaide and out of Melbourne. The journey in between would be determined day by day. It was amazing. It's hard to explain everything we did because we did so much. I will write out some highlights.. We stayed one night in Adelaide where we went to the Woolshed- the pub known for its country vibes and mechanical bull rides. Hilarious. I met loads of people there and decided I like farmers for their gentle open nature. It was a great night. I also met a guy called russle from The Alice. He is an indiginous aussie from the bush. He taught me some of his language (how to say cigarette and lighter) and told me some stories about his life. This was cool because I'm going to be teaching in a school very similar to the one he described as his primary school. We decided to head as far north of SA as possible. We ended up in Hawker. Check it out on google. Not much there, but beautiful landscape. It is at the foot of the Flinders Ranges. We got up early and watched the sunrise over the cliffs. It was insane. At this point I fell madly in love with outback Australia. Then we needed to head to somewhere with phone reception because I had a job interview. We had been through Port Augusta and knew coverage was good there, so off we went. Had lunch at a place called Tassie. Got a phone call and had my interview with the indiginous elders of the community I applied for...and...got the job :-) big smiles from me! So I'm moving to Yiyili next year..and going up to see the school in a few weeks too. Another adventure ;-) So after that we made our way to Freeling, home of McLeods Daughters. I'm not a fan but had seen the show and recognized the town. We stayed at the Gungellan Pub and THAT was an experience!!! Let's just say I had to sleep with my bed jammed up against the door so no one could get in...those outback fellas haven't seen girls in a while. I was scared but we survived! I also had stacks of fun there though.. Quite a bit of bootscooting went down. So we took off from there and drove through a billion towns until we reached Mount Gambier. We got there at night so we bought a torch and went to see all the limestone sink holes lit up at night. It was beyond describable. Amazing. We had no accommodation booked that night so we drove into a caravan park and found a spot between two empty cabins. I slept in the boot. Interesting times. Went to blue lake in the morning and watched the sunrise over the ancient volcano. It was gorgeous and quite eery being the only people there. We passed through Warrnambool and saw a couple of whales dancing along the coast and then headed along the Great Ocean Road. We stopped at every lookout and admired it all. It was a sweet time to be there because the winds and waves were so huge that you actually got wet standing up on the cliffs. It was magical! And scary! I loved it. Somewhere in there we went to Port Fairy which was awesome too. We walked right out across the river mouth to the island on the coast and went for a bit of an exploration. Great fun. From Lorne we drove to Queenscliff and caught the ferry across to Sorento. We drove the Nepean Hwy through to Melb city where I hung out with my big bro and surprised my big sis. Then we came home! I've missed out so many of the little coastal towns that were awesome but I wanted to keep it reasonably readable! Haha. If you read through this far, well done good and faithful blogger.

Now some visuals for your eyes...

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creative space

Lately I have been lacking creativity and inspiration in my writing and thoughts. I have found it really hard to think and write like I love to.

I used to lay awake just thinking, reading a few verses, mumbling into the nothingness, and writing.. I would spend hours each night doing this and the creativity just came naturally.. words would appear in my vocabulary that I had never uttered before.. I was filled with inspiration and the desire to write until my eyes wouldnt stay open anymore. What I loved most was the passion building up inside me.. my heart demanding action and my spirit overwhelmed by purpose.

Earlier this week I saw a picture I drew as a self-portrait about 5 months ago. It looked nothing like me. It had a few random scribbles that represented what I thought was a true reflection of my heart. I saw that picture earlier this week.. it is stuck to my desk in my office.. it has been stuck there all year. I just never looked at it.

When I looked at the picture I felt sad. I feel that I have lost myself in all that is me.. make sense? It is bizarre you know, just doing the 'right thing' and living a 'good life' is pointless. It is one of the saddest misunderstandings about christianity.

I think it is time to whip out the leatherbound, grab a fineliner and get back to basics.

these streets

these streets are cold
they hold no truth
trial and trust
these streets are used

with each step
she knows the way
worn and faded
her tracks decay

cracks in the stone
taking your stride
these streets lead you deeper
to where the real people hide

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I told

I told my boss I'm leaving.
It seems so much more real now.

I'm terrified. But so keen. Adventure time. Life change. Potential screw up.

The thing I'm struggling with most is knowing I'm leaving a perfectly satisfying life here. I've got it all. No worries. Beautiful friends. Supportive church. Great job. Family. Love. Ocean. Nice house. Car. Cultural acceptance.

Where I'm going there is none of that...yet.

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gone to nowhere

she still wonders
how far is gone enough
to forget the ties
draw new lines
choice equals broken
pain not sin
his failure to notice
equals her reason to give in.

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catholic haunting

I'm considering my movements for next year.

I can stay in the cushion comfort easy job i'm in, or I can satisfy my spirit of adventure that is just begging to be set free.

A sweet opportunity came up this week. It is definitely an adventure. It would take a lot of guts. I tick all the boxes and just have to do an official application to score it. I wanted to make sure I was in a job where I can be serving a higher purpose than just doing what I get paid to do. I was keen for this job, especially when I realised it was based in the heart of a mission community. I almost tricked myself into thinking it must be the Christian community lifestyle I'm being called to...then I realised it was catholic. Shattered. The one religion I struggle with the most. I would rather throw myself into a job filled with Christian hating athiests instead of Catholics.

I know it sounds prejudice and nasty.. Not how I intend it to be. I'm actually terrified...but almost more driven to apply for this position because I've been praying for challenges and a job that will extend my skills, but more so, my faith. I've found that when you are in a position where you have to question your faith and justify why you choose to live it out, you grow deep roots.

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a sequence of thoughts about a photograph

I kept a picture of you
fuzzy edges
blurred colour across your hand
I took it and kept it
It makes me warm
And somewhat sad

do you know about this picture?
We took so many
Who would notice one gone?

The emotion breaks through the print
You were laughing - so much
It looks like tears
Sometimes I look at it and I see you crying
It gives me a strange unfamiliar comfort

I love this picture
the blurry out of focus darkness
It reminds me of the time I knew you were careless about what I thought

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