Sunday, August 31, 2008

Once Was Lost...

But now it is found!

So after a long night of searching through every crevice of our house I decided to check my car for my missing journal. I had already cleaned out my car the day before and had a look for it but couldn't find it anywhere. I got a bag out of my car that had stuff in it from months ago and I thought that there is no way it could be in there.. but, there it was.. right down the bottom of the bag underneath the plastic insert in the bottom of the bag.. relief!

It is crazy just how much I missed having my journal.. It almost felt as though I had lost a best mate! Weird.. but I guess that's just me.

Last night I went to see Anti rock it out one last time. I was a bit disappointed at their show really.. poor mix and lighting didn't help.. it was out of sync and had these bright blue lights that kept blaring in my eyes so I couldn't see what was going on. Hmm... but it was good to see them rockin it.

I would have to say... that I was more disappointed with the sermon and praise section of the night.. I don't want to seem negative about this but it is something that I have been thinking about a lot since last night and I am really quite disappointed. I haven't been to a big youth rally since I was younger.. back then I didn't dig it. And nothing has changed. I feel sad for the young dudes who are there hearing a message about depression and self harm and binge drinking and drugs etc.. and then a guy says "I've got Jesus now. He is the answer... now here is an opportunity for you to receive Jesus in your heart too.. put up your hands, come up the front.." ... you know how it goes.

Yes He is the answer... and yes it is important to give these dudes the opportunity to ask Him into their lives.. but I just don't think they know the decision they are making.. It seems to be an emotionally driven decision a lot of the time, with no real understanding of salvation in its entirety. It is such a vulnerable and emotional time for these dudes, and I only hope and pray that they aren't left to wonder what to do next.. but they are discipled and guided by people around them.. I really hope last night wasn't just another night in history for these dudes, but that it can be a starting point of something amazing... I really really encourage you to talk to these young dudes if you know one of them who put up their hand.. because it doesn't end there.. its not a matter of "awesome they are saved welcome to the church brother..." it is so much more than that...

... End of blab.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Lost My Journal

I have been really uneasy this week because I have managed to lose my journal notebooky thingy. It is just your average notebook, with EVERYTHING in it!

I write my thoughts down all the time.. get them on paper so I can look back at them down the track. I have managed to misplace it.. somewhere.

I am annoyed because I love writing. There is a lot that I write about that I wouldn't chuck on this blog, purely because it isn't interesting to anyone else but me.. and it is probably a bit too personal!

So i hope i find it soon.. preferably tonight.. it has been missing for over a week which is no fun.

hmmmmph! sook!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Our Accidental Place

We met accidentally in an accidental place.
We knew straight away we were just like each other.
We knew without a doubt we would need each other at a stage in our lives.
Now all our mutual friends have shifted and we are left.
And it is only now, years later that we are both appreciating our random introduction to each other.
We are still just like each other.
We still know without a doubt we need each other at different stages of the day.
And now all our other friends have gone, we have a mutual bond.

Tonight we spoke about our past. We touched on our future. But we both decided that fate is fickle, but destiny is amazing.

I cherish my friendship with this person, and I am so thankful we met all those years ago.

That is all. Arrivederci!

Falling in Love With the 80's



Like my new style?


Im diggin' it.
Perms are BACK YA'LL!
SHIZZAM!






Indicative

one more time
just
one
more
time

I will never grow old from this

we will tell them it’s “just not kosher”
all the while loving their suggestive looks and giggles

they’re indicative

we will laugh about how ‘inappropriate’ it is
but revel in the mystery of it all
let our dreams surpass reality for a bit
until we realise we have enough just now

just us

little feet tiptoeing with anticipation inside me
i know you are feeling them too

i will never grow old from this
xxx

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Mad Skills

This week at school has been very exciting!

On Monday we had a student free day which meant I got to go to Acton Primary for a maths Professional Development day. It was pretty rad. I learnt quite a bit.. and it reinforced everything we have been learning at uni so that was helpful.

Tuesday - Jason came in for the day to teach my kids some quality music skills. They LOVED it. It was definitely a day they will remember. The staff loved having a new visitor to the school and conversations are still being had in the staff room about the Bachelor of the Year appearing at our school.. They recognised him from the newspaper straight away.. poor guy.

Wednesday - The staff and students were buzzing with excitement about the science day were hosting today (Thursday). Everyone was getting stuck in to helping out and the kids got to muck around with heaps of gear and have a sneak peek at the science equipment they get to use at the science expo!

Thursday - today is science day and the kids are DIGGIN it! We went down to the wetlands this morning to catch bugs and test the water. I am playing office lady right now because in a small school you have to work with change, and today they needed an office lady! All my kids are out playing with the science gear so I'm happy they are having a good time.

Friday - well hopefully tomorrow we will be back in the classroom!

I love this school. I love these kids. I love this career.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

an argument that got me thinking

Why do people automatically resume the position of a travel agent for guilt trips whenever they want to win an argument?

If there is one thing that annoys me the most is when people lay out guilt trips freely and constantly.

There are mature ways of talking through things that don't result in people getting hurt. There are respectful ways of negotiating with people without oppressing their own values. There are much more appropriate ways of conveying your opinions without insulting and using hurtful words that can't be reclaimed after they have been said.

I am honest in my opinions when I'm asked... and I always try to make sure people know where I stand.. but in no way do I ever want to be that person who guilts others into agreeing with me.

Give me grace to forgive.
Equip me with the words and wisdom to know how to respond.
Help me to stop thinking negatively and start acting positively.
I am done with these selfish arguments that only suppress any goodness.
Let it go, Grace and Peace.
Amen

Assume the Contrary

Relinquish that look in your eyes!

Let’s pretend neither of us have an inkling

We could just assume the contrary of what we know is true

We could perplex each other beyond the bounds of our denunciation

At what end will the swathe be lifted and the veracity revealed?

Surrender that look in your eyes!

Can we pretend no one else has a clue?

We could let their assumptions linger…

Until we are ready to expose the words we seldom speak.

That look in your eyes…

I need to look away.

So I can start looking at me

So I can stop looking to them

And only when I stop looking to them will you glimpse what I perceive in you.

Monday, August 25, 2008

i like both

My name is Corrie..

that is right. Corrie.

Sometimes I forget that it is my name... if it was someone else's name I would probably think it is pretty. I have been told by a select few that they think my name is nice..

names are strange.

I was called 'Coz' by so many people for a very long time.. and now I am getting used to being called Corrie again.. and I think I am liking it.

It is a bit different though.. I am not used to being called Corrie.. its a bit foreign to me. which is even more strange.. it is my name for goodness sake!

anyway.. just thinkin bout it.. I like being called Corrie.. I also like being called Coz.. and I think that is a good place to be :-)

So for all you rockers who wonder what name to call me... you make the choice.. I dont mind anymore.. i like both.

xxx

Misconception

my brother is sitting next to me.

he just pointed out that the title of my blog could be a little misleading...

i asked him what he thought of my latest post and he asked if it had anything to do with babies... no it doesn't... where did he get that idea from?... and he said the word 'misconception'. haha oops.

So just to clear up any confusion.. this blog is nothing to do with babies.. not that babies aren't cool.. they just aren't my scene right now ya'll!

Palpable

Keep it up.

Don’t let it slip, don’t let it slide.

He won’t ever know just how sham you can be.

Keep dropping his name like all and sundry wants to hear it,

Let it slip out at casual points in time,

When she happens to be in room.

Never admit it,

This secret can’t be disclosed.

But be certain you make it

blatantly

palpable.

Let that loop… just let it hang in the moment.

I wouldn’t mind telling you that I know,

Just so you know

That everyone else knows.

But I don’t want to blemish your denial.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Secret - Ask the Universe

Tonight I have a lot of things I would like to write about. The last 24hrs have opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I dont like the reality of most of these things.

Last night I was talking to my family, just crappin on about nothing in the lounge room.. doin our thing.. just chatting.. and one of my family members mentioned the new rad religion called 'the secret' and how she fully believes in it and has got all these dreams and goals that she 'knows' will come true because she has been applying all the rules of the secret.. the basic overview of this craze is that anyone can have anything they want.. all you have to do is ask the universe for it and truly seek it and it will come to you. It basically sees the universe as a god that gives out whatever you want.. if you ask for it.

Now.. I have never been against the power of positive thoughts.. but... BUT... 'the secret' seems to promote selfishness. Everyone that I have spoken with about it seems to ask the universe for money or things that are of dollar value. No one so far has mentioned that they are asking for justice or compassion or freedom or love or rescue. No one. I am sure there are people out there in the world who are... but.. I have talked with a few people on this topic and all of them have visions of winning the lottery and scoring a new car etc.

This makes me sick.
It is promoting exactly what the world is promoting..

"you need more.. buy this.. you need it... you can have better than they have.. what you have isnt good enough... if you had more money you would be a bigger and better person".

So, in discussion with my family I said "I find 'the secret' to be really selfish and Im sure its not the answer to the spiritual hunger each person has within them.. how can asking for money make us anymore satisfied if it is mainly money that drives us to want more satisfaction in the first place?"

Well...

Lets...just...say...

That didnt go down well. I have really offended her and now she thinks that I think she is selfish... its been taken out of context. I feel terrible because I didnt mean to offend her but at the same time I wonder if offending people isnt always the worst thing... which leads me to my next train of thought.

When I get offended it is usually because someone has pointed out something that I dont really like about myself.. and it is not so much offensive.. it is more the fact that they have caught me out on something I didnt want to admit.. I was happy living in the land of denial until someone decided to point it out and then I become offended.. strange.. I have never pondered exactly what would cause the feeling of offence.. or even what that feeling actually is.. is it anger? sadness? Hmm... for me it is a physical reaction.. I feel tight in my chest and my head starts to heat up and my forehead tingles.. is that normal?

And.. when I get offended I usually feel SO uncomfortable to the point where I do something about that thing that i dont like about myself.. It might not be my most favourite process to go through.. but when im through it im usually thankful for the person pointing it out.. after all, i only got offended because i didnt like it about myself.. hmm so back to my family situation.. have I done her a favour in the long run? Only if she is convicted about it i guess.. and if she chooses to make a change.. but i cant do that for her.. and I cant convict her heart.. I guess I will just hope that she can see what I was meaning.. maybe i will ask the universe. pffft!

Hey i really dont know if I am a bit too presumptious with my views on this, so make sure you holler back if you disagree or agree or whatever.. Its something I am getting more and more interested in.. and would be keen to hear your opinions on it.

I could write all night.. but i wont..

Thursday, August 21, 2008

dot dot dot

I love... teaching.



I really love... music.



I really really love... people.



I decided today that the thing I love most about teaching is the relationships I get to build with people. The kids, the teachers, the parents. I love that I get to see the kids developing in different ways every day.. its great.

I think I would like to be a youth workery person.. perhaps.. but.. i wonder if there is such a job as just being mates with people.. that would be a rad job... someone should create a job like that so I can do it.


... I also like fullstops

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Three to Six

I am so fortunate to be doing my internship in a tiny school with only 2 classrooms. It means I have students in grades 3/4/5/6 in my class of 25 kids. It is amazing.. amazing. I am learning so much. Today my supervisor came to visit and check that everything was going well. I started the day in tears because somehow through the stress i managed to leave my planning folder in Natone last night so I couldn't find it... If I didnt have my folder to show my supervisor it is very likely that I would fail.. Luckily, I found my folder before the start of school but was in such a horrible frame of mind to start the day. I was stressin to the max!

I couldn't have asked the kids to be anymore amazing today.. it is like they realised I needed them to be awesome so my supervisor would believe I can be a good teacher haha. They were so well behaved and from out of nowhere I found this new side of myself. My lessons ran amazingly today and the supervisor was very very impressed. She told me that I am made for teaching and that I have absolutely nothing to worry about. Agh... that is such a relief to hear after studying for four long years!! So all in all.. an amazing day, and an amazing internship. I have 2 weeks left after this week and I am not looking forward to the end of it. I really cant wait to get my own class crankin and working full time... BUT... like always.. if there is another plan for my life I welcome it with open arms.. so for now i am LOVING teaching.. but tomorrow I might be doing something I never dreamed of. Bring it on.

So last night I went for a walk with my sister because my bro was too tired. I reckon I said about 5 words in the whole hour we were walking.. she was talking flat chat. I forgot what it is like to be in high school. Half of the stuff she was telling me made me cringe at how horrible people can be.. but then I just got sad because I realised how much my sister has no idea about the 'realness' of some of the stuff that is going on. She has no idea of the impact her words might be having on some of the people at her school.. she thinks it is her 'right' to say things that arent so nice to people if they have said/done those things to her.. since when does anyone have the right to do that? It just surprised me big time. I know it is just a matter of growing up and realising these things in time, but my heart is crying out for her to see these situation from a higher perspective. I know she has a heart of gold.. but her thoughts do not allow that 'heart' to shine through.. which made me think more deeply about a sermon I heard the other night. This dude from the Congo, Pastor Samuel preached an amazing sermon.. I need to listen to it again. One part that spoke directly to me was about how our thoughts impact our emotions.. if we think of something in a certain way we will reacted emotionally according to our thoughts... hard to explain.. but.. i realised that my sister needs to change the way she thinks about these situations and the people involved before she can change the way she feels about them. These words just arent saying what I want them to say.. I cant quite explain what im meaning.. which is something I have always struggled with.. Im working on it though.

Anyway, today has been a good day.. and the week leading up has been pretty good too. I had a great weekend, talking a lot with friends and feeling connected to people who are seeking more than the expected in life. It is always inspiring. I am so inspired by a few of the people I have been hanging with lately actually.. I dont know if they will ever realise just how much they have influenced my walk.. and I wonder if I will ever realised just how much they have. They are amazing and I have mucho's love for them!

Things I am thankful for:
- dad is healing really really well and is going to get the metal bars removed tomorrow
- the awesome kids i have in my class.. they are 'the bomb.com'
- congo dude
- the special relationships im developing
- mates who never say 'no' to helping out where they can..

Coz xx

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Bustin' a Move

I went for my nightly walk/jog with my bro tonight. It is always a good time strollin along the beach with him. We both have our plugs in our ears tuning into our fav songs of the day...and chatting as we bust out the occasional move. He is a legend. I have really began to appreciate my brother as more than the little dude who makes me laugh every now and again. He is his own person. His opinions and views on life fascinate me. Tonight we talked about lots of things.. one of the topics was how we view heaven to be. I dont really know how I view heaven..

One night I was chatting to a good mate of mine and he told me a story about this guy who revived his 5yr old son after he drowned (or something like that) and when his son came back to life he said 'dad, if I ever die again, please dont bring me back'... wow. What kind of a place must it be? Amazing.. in that same conversation we talked about heaven having no lust, greed or jealousy.. whoa.. imagine that. It blows my mind. It gets me thinkin.

hmm.. not sure how to write my thoughts into words. This is something I have always struggled with.. ask anyone that I have had deep convos with.. words are not my forte! Im goin to leave it here.. because no words are doing my thoughts justice.

In a change of topic..

This blog thing. I am liking it. I am also liking my prac right now. In fact... I am loving it. I am feeling like teaching is something I can do well.. not sure if it is what defines me.. but it is a big part of me and I am passionate about it. I love the kids in my class. I spend half the day looking away from them and covering my smiles and giggles when they do things that are just too funny to get grumpy about.. haha they are legends.. and I am smiling just thinking about going to school in the morning.. thats gotta be a good sign that Im in the right profession.

Things I am thankful for today:
- Stella, James, Zoe, Tiff, Nick, Thomas - all people who have brought a smile to my face.
- Bustin moves in the street with my bro Scott. Dancing brings freedom!
- Dad's doctor says he is mending well and will be walking again in 2-3 months.
- The few snow flakes that fell at lunch time
- The rainbow which reminded me of the power of promise

-xxx-

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Initiate a Flood



a moment to replenish the tank


unbolt the water gates

my thoughts initiate a flood

shudder as the dry pipes block with running waters

stagnant, sullied streams surge into the open

they sting in the liberty of the air

no longer ensnared within the boiler

secrets undergo destruction, exposed to the public eye

violated

moment is over.

hard left. turn off the tap.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

a small splash as they enter my state of consciousness

no stopping this mind from leaking

these secrets will seep

resounding

reverberating their own beat as they hit the sink.

Drip.

each thought is a drip. that resonates my soul.

no conclusion til the tank is bare,

do I let it drip?

Drip.

Drip.



no.

turn a hard right

let the water prevail.


Corrie

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I Hear Your Words... Babble!

I have recently been thinking. My life is at a funny stage. I am busy trying to finish my degree, still putting every ounce of effort into finishing it with a bang... yet still having to find the effort to deal with family, work, and my own emotions. These are my thoughts...

At times I feel that by putting all my hope in a future is only diminishing the hope I have for today. I find it too easy to get caught up in future ideals and forget to be thankful for the present blessings in life.. losing sight of my blessings is the fastest way for me to lose hope.

I am a constant planner and dreamer.. always considering where each step will take me in the future, and hoping for better things to come. I fully believe in opportunity, and I aim to take every positive opportunity that comes my way, in case I will be better off from it in the future...

Not every opportunity pans out the way I plan it to.. but sometimes I find myself amazed at the way things have worked out unexpectedly...I am at a stage in life now where I am wondering where the next opportunity is going to come from.. when is it going to happen? How can I be preparing for the future if I have no idea where I will be.. my life as I know it ends in 10 weeks.. uni finishes. My life as I have built it day by day over the last 4 years is going to change. I no longer have the excuse of being a 'uni student'.. I need to sort out my life.. my parents want me to buy a house.. my friends say I should travel.. society says I should get a job and 'settle down'...my sister needs me at home...my other sisters want me in Melbourne.. the world says 'make a decision!' I say... 'no thanks!' I am waiting for my next venture.. I am waiting for the next cue to make a move. This is an exciting time for me.. however, it is also frightening...

I have not had an easy ride over the past 12 months. I have recently began my journey out of depression and am beginning to realise just how much the depression has impacted me. It is not until you come out the other side of something that you realise how much it can effect you. At times I still fall into the negative thoughts and the feelings of hopelessness... this is something I am learning to deal with.. and I feel like I am learning so much about myself both physically and spiritually through it all. It is amazing how much the physical health of my body can effect the emotional health and thus the spiritual health. I am more sure today than ever before that I need to keep my spiritual health at its optimum if I am going to be prepared to meet my destined purposes in life.


I am believing for my depression to fully subside. I am believing for clear guidance for my future. I am believing in myself.

Thanks for today's blessings, for the friends that allow me the pleasure of blessing them.
I pray this prayer today for the days when I don't have the strength to pray for myself.. take my life in your hands and guide me to a place where I feel safe and secure in You. Close my eyes to the deceit and lies, and open my eyes to truth and only truth.
Amen
I dont know where I will be in the future, but I know where I stand today. This may have seemed like a bunch of babble.. but hey, thats just my thoughts.. Welcome to the mess in my mind ;-)

Sunday, August 10, 2008

words that i quite like..

Well I've been here before
Sat on the floor in a grey room
Where I stay in all dayI don't eat, but I play with this grey food

Desole, if someone is prayin' then I might break out,
Desole, even if I scream I can't scream that loud
I'm all alone again
Crawling back home again
Stuck by the phone again
Well I've been here before
Sat on a floor in a grey mood
Where I stay up all night
And all that I write is a grey tune

So pray for me child, just for a while
That I might break out
Pray for me child
Even a smile would do for now


Have I still got you to be my open door
Have I still got you to be my sandy shore
Have I still got you to cross my bridge in this storm
Have I still got you to keep me warm

If I squeeze my grape and I drink my wine,
Nothing is lost, it's just frozen in frost,
And it's opening time, there's no-one in line

But I've still got me to be your open door,
I've still got me to be your sandy shore
I've still got me to cross your bridge in this storm
And I've still got me to keep you warm

Warmer than warm.

Damien Rice

Friday, August 8, 2008

This could go nowhere..

Well I am one of those people who reads blogs and am interested in people's thoughts. I am not one of those people who post blogs very often. I constantly write my thoughts down in a small jounal I carry with me, but blogging has not been a hobby of mine for quite a few years.. so.. this could go nowhere, but I thought I would create a page incase I feel the need to share some of those random thoughts once in a while.