I Hear Your Words... Babble!

I have recently been thinking. My life is at a funny stage. I am busy trying to finish my degree, still putting every ounce of effort into finishing it with a bang... yet still having to find the effort to deal with family, work, and my own emotions. These are my thoughts...

At times I feel that by putting all my hope in a future is only diminishing the hope I have for today. I find it too easy to get caught up in future ideals and forget to be thankful for the present blessings in life.. losing sight of my blessings is the fastest way for me to lose hope.

I am a constant planner and dreamer.. always considering where each step will take me in the future, and hoping for better things to come. I fully believe in opportunity, and I aim to take every positive opportunity that comes my way, in case I will be better off from it in the future...

Not every opportunity pans out the way I plan it to.. but sometimes I find myself amazed at the way things have worked out unexpectedly...I am at a stage in life now where I am wondering where the next opportunity is going to come from.. when is it going to happen? How can I be preparing for the future if I have no idea where I will be.. my life as I know it ends in 10 weeks.. uni finishes. My life as I have built it day by day over the last 4 years is going to change. I no longer have the excuse of being a 'uni student'.. I need to sort out my life.. my parents want me to buy a house.. my friends say I should travel.. society says I should get a job and 'settle down'...my sister needs me at home...my other sisters want me in Melbourne.. the world says 'make a decision!' I say... 'no thanks!' I am waiting for my next venture.. I am waiting for the next cue to make a move. This is an exciting time for me.. however, it is also frightening...

I have not had an easy ride over the past 12 months. I have recently began my journey out of depression and am beginning to realise just how much the depression has impacted me. It is not until you come out the other side of something that you realise how much it can effect you. At times I still fall into the negative thoughts and the feelings of hopelessness... this is something I am learning to deal with.. and I feel like I am learning so much about myself both physically and spiritually through it all. It is amazing how much the physical health of my body can effect the emotional health and thus the spiritual health. I am more sure today than ever before that I need to keep my spiritual health at its optimum if I am going to be prepared to meet my destined purposes in life.

I am believing for my depression to fully subside. I am believing for clear guidance for my future. I am believing in myself.

Thanks for today's blessings, for the friends that allow me the pleasure of blessing them.

I pray this prayer today for the days when I don't have the strength to pray for myself.. take my life in your hands and guide me to a place where I feel safe and secure in You. Close my eyes to the deceit and lies, and open my eyes to truth and only truth.

Amen

I dont know where I will be in the future, but I know where I stand today. This may have seemed like a bunch of babble.. but hey, thats just my thoughts.. Welcome to the mess in my mind ;-)