Thursday, October 30, 2008

I am I am.. I am I am.. I think I am..

I have recently been enjoying BBQs in my backyard with quality people having quality conversations and generally enjoying some quality time.

It is nice to sit back and chillax once in a while. I am liking this lifestyle.. but I am also craving a bit of direction now.. I like to be busy.. and Im feeling like a bit of a slacker.. so bring on some work or something!

Hmmm.. long weekend.. any excuse for another BBQ.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Holy Cow!

On Sunday James and I decided to go for a drive to the coast to check out the blues festival and see my parents. We had a pretty chilled day just cruising around - good music, great food and a few nice juices from that spanky new mobile juice van. Yum.

All was cool. We went to visit my parents who were doing the Sunday arvo thing with the neighbours. Everyone had a brew in hand and the music was cranking. Mum was cooking up a storm on the new massive BBQ. It was great. I felt back at home again. Dad took James off to talk about home brew and old school music for about an hour and I sat and chilled with the ladies. They were all so awesome. I really love my neighbours in Wynyard. They were all tryin to get me to sing them a song, so I said that they would have to join in. Ha. It was hilarious. I requested Daryl Braithwaite - The Horses. Suddenly my backyard was a chorus of singers going for it at the top of their lungs.. haha.. so it turned into a singalong where everyone was requesting songs and we all got up and had a dance. I was keen to hit the road because it was getting dark and I was pretty tired. So after convincing mum and dad that we really did have to leave (and they convinced us that we really should stay and have another dance)... we finally got out of there! It was good fun.

Driving home was not so fun! We got to about Elizabeth town pretty safely, and then all of a sudden I was being waved down by a dude in the middle of the road. I was going 110km and had to slam the breaks on.. it was freaky. I looked across the road and saw a red commodore in the ditch, the front all smashed in and it was obvious it had been a head on collision of some sort. I jumped out of the car and we walked down towards a figure lying on the road. We were scared, both of us sayin how we didnt want to see what it was, we werent too keen on having to see whatever it was lying on the road. James said it looked like a motorbike.. no matter how much our minds were telling us not to go down the road, our feet just took us there. When we got closer I let out a laugh of relief.. it was most horrible thing I had seen, but it wasn't a motorbike.. it was a cow... a massive.. giant.. thug of a thing.. cow. We looked back down the road and cars had started piling up now. There were people with the girl in the red car, so we didn't worry about heading back to help her, we now had to get this cow off the road! It was a task.. it was gross.. it was horrible. I wont go into detail to save you getting visuals..

I am really concerned about how many cows have been hit lately.. it is so dangerous. That girl is very lucky.. (well lucky is not a word i like to use, but im struggling to think of a better one).. She had a baby in the car too...and im not exaggerating when I say that cow was massive.

Anyway.. now I have been having nightmares and it is just not something I would have liked to witness. So my weekend was awesome until the cow incident.. then it became..well.. gross.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

HOLD ON TO YOUR HEART

hold on to your heart


You tell me I need Him to fill the empty gap
Well, mate I think you’re full of crap.

You silently speak with the figure in your mind
He sits in the clouds looking over mankind.

What good is this guy if He is hanging out up there?
If He truly is the answer then why is the world so unfair?

Your guys keep telling me “life can be great!”
But I prefer reality - even if it is second rate.

Will I go to hell if I choose not to believe in something so unbelievable?
If God has so much grace - how is this conceivable?

I love your double standards; they could really work out for me,
Come on church! Let’s give an offering and buy ourselves some more slave-made tea.

Keep up appearances and don’t let yourself slide,
If you were really honest about your faith- you would have nothing to hide.

So thanks for your thoughts on my life and how it should be,
I appreciate the thought - but I know already.

If you don’t understand I will make it clear -
I am not a pretender and I won’t conform to your idea.

I am who I am. No surprises with me.
I am honest with my God, as honest as I can be.

embarrassed

Oh my golly giddy gallabians! I just saw some pics that were taken of me a year ago for a wedding I was in. These pics weren't the glamour pics that everyone takes these days, angled from the roof so you lose that double chin and manage to hide all those extra kgs... these pics were just of us girls cruising around the house getting ready for the wedding - natural.

Anyway - I just looked through them all and couldn't believe my eyes. Since that time last year I have shed 27kgs and people are now saying how awesome im looking, but in all honesty I have wondered why the heck I cant see the difference.. I think it is because all the pics I have to look back on are just head shots or glamour style... but looking back on these pics.. FAR OUT. I can't believe I used to look like that. I am actually embarrassed for myself. I must have been in denial.. because I was never too worried about how I looked, always happy with myself.. which is a good thing, but not great for my health.

These days it is different. I am really aware of how I look.. which can be good and bad.. but far out.. I am just glad I dont look like that anymore!

I am shocked. I never realised how big I was.
Ugh.
I feel so embarrassed.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

travels

Well I just got back from Melbourne, where I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I am and where I want to be. I was staying with a house full of kiwis who like to smoke the weed a lot and who think beer is more important than water. As a result of this I spent a LOT of my time walking around exploring Melbourne and just generally getting out of the house. One day I was walking to a train station which was meant to be a ten minute walk, but I felt such a desire to take a wrong turn and get lost in a place I know nothing about without a map.. so i did. I found myself 2 hours later at the beach in St Kilda, so effectively I had walked through 5 suburbs in some kind of round-a-bout way.. and there I was. Jumped on a train and cruised into the city.

Melbourne trams and trains.. so depressing. Everyone acts like they are so scared of each other. No one wants to look anyone in the eye just in case they are some kind of a freak. I was so shocked at how silenced it was.. yet so many people. Confused me.

I didnt have the best time in Melb. I am not a fan of the culture there. Maybe it was just the people I was around, but the vibe aint a good one!

I had my interview and all went well - got the job all confirmed which is great but Im having second thoughts about going through that agency.. I have had offers from another 2 agencies which I am very much considering. It is good to know I have a job guaranteed if I need it but am going to look around for a better option.

Things are good in general - happy with the sunshine, it means I can get out and about more. I am loving the outdoors lately. Planning on doing some hiking in the next few weeks. I went to Bridport the other day to camp and failed miserably.. forgot to pack the tent poles.. so that was fun. But - if you want a good full sized meal Bridport is that place to be! $5 chicken parmi served with chips and salad.. mmmmm good value!

So thats it from me - over and out.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Snapshot of My Emotion

Today we cheered

Voices trembled and hearts were pounding
Cheeks were red and tears prepared

Friends
Don't let go, let it linger.

Mates held hands
Strangers cried together

Authorities congratulated
Underdogs arose to finish

Popularity became transparent
It was always fickle

Today we cheered
The end of an era

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Graduation






Last night was amazing. We had our graduation ball and it was a night I will remember forever. I love my friends so much. All the graduates got up on the stage for one massive photo and you could just feel the emotion. We are all so relieved and excited and pumped for our future. I have made the most amazing friends at uni. Love them with all my heart! xx

Thursday, October 9, 2008

smiles

Oh I am so happy.

I am going to Melb on Friday and my good friend Dan just called and said he would join me.

How awesome.

I am blessed majorly with the lovely friends in my life who do things like this for me.

xx

This is the Last

I am at uni currently - it is 1:25am. I have been here all day. Been working on my very last assignment EVER. It is massive. Seriously, about 30 pages. I am over it. I just finished all the thinking part of it.. now I just need to cut a few things and stick them in.

Tomorrow is my ball. I was making my dress but due to having to alter it a million times because either I keep getting smaller or it keeps getting bigger, I have decided to just go and buy one that fits me on the day. Ha. So yes, tomorrow morning, off to the shops to buy a ball gown. Fun. I hate shopping.

Tomorrow night is meant to be the highlight of our uni degree.. but I would almost say last night was. I had a party to celebrate the last Wednesday of uni - random but fun. Had heaps of people rock up and we all danced in the kitchen, packed in with a few guitars and bongo drums crankin. We all had a massive sing along and it was awesome. I was chillin with people I have seen the last four years but never met.. and now we are great buddies. ha. Well too bad it is all over on Tuesday. We are all a bit sad about this but it is also very exciting.

In reflection, I have met the most amazing people at uni. We will all go our own way, but these memories will stay forever. Tonight is one I wont forget.. it is not unusual for us to be here this late.. but tonight we did something a little different. We grabbed a 6 pack of beers and some indian take away and all sat around in the labs having our own little chillax party while punching out this assignment. I would say it has been the most fun assignment I have ever done.

Well it is now bed time for me, the beauty needs her sleep for the ball tomorrow night.

Goodnight Machos and Bellas xx

Monday, October 6, 2008

Cleaning out the Closet

Tonight my life is different

Formally choosing to shut you away in my emotions chest

Instead have chosen to cast you out

There is no room in my drawers for you and your baggage

No energy left to deal with the frustration

Tonight my life is different

Tonight you are not part of it


I am at the point in life where I am realising a lot of the issues that are big to me dont need to be. I have been dealing with people, things, situations, feelings and memories for way too long that are really no longer a part of who I am. I dont need these things, yet I still cling to them because the give me some kind of happiness on the odd occasion. I dont need that. I am letting go with grace and peace and am determined to find forgiveness in myself. Part of this process is cutting ties with certain people. I realised that they have such an emotional tie to the things that get me down.. I know it seems severe. I am sad but relieved.

Time

Time - it is the strangest element of life.

The last four years of my life have just flown by. It seemed to take SO long while I was in it, but now looking back it is hard to believe I was wanting it to go faster... it is just so strange.

Last night was daylight savings night. Suddenly we have 'an extra hour' in our day.. I go for a jog most nights and tonight was absolutely beautiful. I decided to walk through Invermay and across the boardwalk under the bridge to the gorge. I jogged the gorge track from Trevallyn to to pool and back. There were SO many families walking tonight. I noticed the same last night. There are so many more people out and about - and I reckon its all because daylight savings. A little more 'time' in their day, a little more sunshine, and WALLAH! family time! I am really cheered from my jog tonight.. really pumped for tomorrow night. Makes me happy to see so many people out and about.

Anyway - that is all sir. Enjoy your night xx

Sunday, October 5, 2008

hate is a strong word

i hate money

with a passion

more than any other worldly creation - i hate money

it is so destructive and demanding and restricting and controlling

i dont know what i prefer - having no money but struggling, or having too much money and responsibility.

i hate money

Saturday, October 4, 2008

telephonics

Dan called from Kalgoorlie as per usual at 9pm. But tonight was different. He was there with all his buddies. They were from all around the world. I spoke with a couple of kiwis, an indian dude and even got to chat in afrikaans with a guy from africa.. he only knew a bit of afrikaans so it was awesome having a chat in as much broken language as we could manage!

it was good fun.

i love meeting people - even if it is over the phone - especially people who are well travelled and can share all about their experiences and give advice on where to go.. its awesome.

Dan asked me tonight to try and visit kalgoorlie sometime before the december excitement so i could meet all his friends over there.. would really love to but not sure if i can squeeze it in! There is so much happening in the next few months - life is rather mad right now. But i love it.

I need to work out priorities and such.

Friday, October 3, 2008

starsailor

Yet another AMAZING band rises from the UK.

I recently invested in a set of 5 disks that have a range of alternative guitar based bands.. mainly packed full of radiohead. There are some amazing songs on this set.. and I have only listened to one disk so far! I am hanging out to hear the rest.. I should actually check out if it is a UK set or not, because it does have a lot of radiohead, coldplay, gomez and another band that I have fallen in love with - Starsailor. Actually - come to think of it.. all the bands on this set are English Indie as far as I know. I am going to check this out.

Anyway

James Walsh has the most unique and beautiful voice in the world. I love it. Their songs are very deep both lyrically and musically. I particularly love the song called 'tied up my hands'. It has something about it that just grabs me in the strangest of ways!

They are a guitar band but use a lot of keys and are very lyrically driven. It is very much about the vocal melody.

I recommend you check them out. I fully dig them - what I have heard of them. And surprise surprise they are out of the UK.

Ciao Macho

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Metaphorically Speaking

Key Changes - the cheap emotional musical experience.

Today I turned the radio on, and it was tuned into a local christian radio station so I just left it and thought 'what the heck, i will give it a shot'. The songs are all very similar in style, all very verse - chorus - verse - chorus - bridge - chorus -chorus - structure. The thing I noticed about these songs in comparison to the music I usually listen to is the number of key changes.

In the last chorus there is this build up and key change then they sing the exact same chorus as before but in a different key.. and for some reason this gets people all emotionally involved in the song and they dig it at that point.

Interesting.. personally I think it is tacky - in most cases.

So I got thinking.. if my life were a song.. hmm.

Do I want to keep doing the same thing over and over again but chuck in a key change occasionally to make it a little more exciting...? Not really.

I want my life song to be intriguing... complex yet simple... harmonic but not just the 1st - 3rd - 5th structure harmonies... melodic...I want my melodies to dance around the reference note, no key changes... just exciting and empowering musical genius working its magic and doing its thing... I want to sing in languages unknown... ahhh... if my life were a song I would embrace it in full.

Metaphorically speaking..

nervous right about now!

These next weeks are critical.

I finish uni on the 14th of October. 2 major assignments to knock off before then.

Confirmed financial stuff today..

Tomorrow I do some cool bookings that cost a lot of money..

Then I start getting excited.

Next week I get my LAT organised and start relief work.

On October 17th I fly to Melb to finalise the December excitement. I have my final interview to say yes 100% doing it, and I have an appointment with the authorities to make sure I have everything ready to go.

December 8th I jump out of a plane.

December 9th I turn 22 (ugh...) - potentially spending this day in hospital on account of the previous day's activities.

December 13th I graduate and get handed a piece of paper.

December 14th - ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

note to self

Love is a very splendid thing...

Goed Oefen

(afrikaans)
Ek gaan to melb in 3 weke vir 'n werk onderhoud om te onderrig in torquay. dit is 'n bietjie opwindend, maar ek is baie senuagtig ook. Ek het ookin aanraak met 'n internationale skool wat het 'n skool hier in launy. Ek is steeds beplan om te los in desember maar mag oplaai sommige werk voor dan. steeds voel terneergedruk maar ek dink ek leer hoe om te behandel dit voor dit word te. asseblief ekskuus my spel, ek is steeds leer hierdie taal, maar dit is goed oefen!

(engels)
Im heading to Melbourne in 3 weeks for an interview. Bit excited but very nervous. I also have been in touch with an international school that has a school in Launy. Im still planning the December excitement but will see what happens bewteen now and then - not really depending on me anymore.. im set.. depends on the someone else! Still feeling not so great but I have learnt to deal with that before it gets too nasty. Excuse any spelling mistakes, just having a practice.