Habit

Wake up early - it is a nice day - she would usually smile.
Instead she stays in bed until at least 4 more hours have passed.
Sleep through the buzz - everyone else's lives are just as hers should be.
Gets up - walks around - stumbles through the house deciding to retreat back to bed where she can feel warmth - yet no security.
Heater cranking, TV on to block out any thought.
Phone beside her - waiting. Nothing.
Push play - start the season so she can block out another episode of thought.
Stressful dreaming - catholic schools - ringing bells bigger and louder than conceivable.
All the while she is standing, clinging to a plank of wood - floating in the dark water.
Afraid of the unknown.
Wake up. Look around. He is gone. Rest easy now. Push play for another episode.
Sun is belting its heat through the slats in the blinds. Time to get up.
Day is lost. Better it be lost than another reason to feel lost.