grade 2

know that this is complicated
a puzzle with no pattern
no picture or straight edges
and I don't hold the plan

easiest pieces first
the corners set in place
but know that this is complicated
because I still can't see your face

looking for the bigger picture
in the mess spread across the table
task deemed impossible
without guidance I'm not able

but it is all there...the picture
every piece that is needed
know that this is complicated
it seems looking won't help me see it

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im not a stoner

Last night I dreamt that I downloaded an application on my iPhone that let me smoke weed at any time...just put your lips on the screen and take a chuff.

I dreamt that I was sitting next to my mum at the family house I grew up in and I took a chuff. She asked me what I was doing and I had to confess to her. I was so upset!

It's strange. It actually felt pretty awesome in my dream. It was so real. I woke up and considered not going to work because I was worried you could smell it on me and that I was still under the influence. I felt so bad about it too!

Haha strange. I put it down to watching The Mighty Boosh before bed and drifting off to sleep while listening to 'The Drugs Dont Work'.


***I do not take drugs or condone the use of illicit drugs unless in a dream because that is actually pretty bonkers***

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heat of the moment

So I've decided after today's classroom antics that I am...

1. Not getting married.
2. Not having children.
3. Never teaching highschool grades again.

Over and out.

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LIOR - I'LL FORGET YOU

I like this song a lot. Mainly the lyrics, but it has a catchy tune and quite a sweet little melody that is sung by Lior and Sia together. I like it :)

I left you out

Inside my heart

How easily

This could be the start

And rip my life apart

Like a bowerbird collecting blue

See me gather words

To let you know

It's hard to let this go

But I'm making up my mind

I'll forget you in time

You still make me cry

Like a song of the east

That loses its centre

But always finds its way back home

How this bird has flown

So I'm making up my mind

Gonna rescue myself tonight

Yeah I'm making up my mind

I'll forget you in time

I am leaving you

You are leaving me

We've sung our song

And we chose to roll on

Although this love never fades

It's time to forget the road we never travelled along

So I've made up my mind

Gonna rescue myself tonight

Yeah I've made up my mind

I'll forget you in time.

high fives and smiles

six thirty we gather
high fives and banter
she's got a new headband
and he's rockin the raybans
loud 'yo bros' and flashy smiles
greeting strangers in youthy style
everyone is impressed with the funky coloured lights
the girls on the stage in short skirts and tights
high fashions roll, the leaders are blingin'
the moshing gets pumpin' as the band gets singin'
hands held high and voices shouting
everyone's up the front and the 'praise pit' is bouncin'
adrenaline rush as the concert begins
everyone cheers when the pop song ends
slow down the tempo and forget the jumping
this slow synthy tune is serious worship or something
the keys keep twinkling right through his talk
the carpet wears a hole from his back and forward walk
his language is hip and he's holding the book
this guy must be alright because he's got the look
clap, clap, clap and cheer and banter
service is over - time for pizza and fanta

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the universal language

so they say that music is a universal language.. but obviously some styles/artists appeal to people in different ways. Lately I have been indulging in new musical goodness as opposed to my couple of months recently where I was content just listening to old stuff and had no real desire to buy a new album. I love my CD collection for its randomness and almost embarrassing selection of tunes. It tells a story about my musical appreciation journey..the things I listened to along the way that have lead me to loving music the way I do.

So I thought I might enlighten you with some of my most recent musical loving.

A band out of France called Pheonix are my current favourite. They use a lot of synth coupled with odd but catchy beats and a very unique vocal sound that glides over the complex synth action going on. They use a lot of tempo and timing techniques that intertwine to create depth to a rather simplistic melody. It is quite fascinating to listen to the way different timing and tempo is used for different synth parts in unity...strange but good.

then there is this guy who sells himself as Bon Iver which means 'Good Winter' in French (I'm sensing a French theme) but this guy is from Canada? I think? Anyway, he wrote his most recent album after a breakup with 1.his band and 2. His girlfriend. The album is called For Emma, Forever Ago. It is beautiful. It is acoustic based with stacks of vocal multitracking and a lot of random sounds thrown in that create a very emotional and touching theme. Bon Iver is an artist that I appreciate for his ability to write a good song and portray his emotions brilliantly through that medium, not so much for musical genius.

MuteMath - wow. I won't go down the line of trying to use words to describe them..just buy the album. Armistice. It is fab.

Now for a talent that I am looking forward to further releases from. Florence and the Machine out if London. She has an awesome voice and I love her style but she is quite new on the scene and although I do appreciate her music I am more excited about things to come. Worth a looky if you are into jazzy but poppy but soulful female vocal greatness.

Muse - hmmmm. I should be careful with this one because I know there are a lot of diehard fans out and about who are loving their 2009 release but for me personally I am quite disappointed. I am not too sure what I expected but I didn't expect Bellamy to be Beyoncè. Granted, they are still Muse and haven't 'lost' their brilliance...they just didn't really infuse it into this latest release.

And that brings me to the end of my blab.

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gifts

I love gifts. Giving and receiving. When I give a gift I think a lot about what I would like to bless someone with -big or small- it is something I have lots of fun doing. Tonight I got a gift in the mail from a friend back home. It was so heartfelt in that I could tell a lot of thought had gone into it -coupled with a handmade card- it made me feel so special :-)

It was a copy of the book, 'Seven Seasons in Aurukuu'...a story about time spent living and teaching in a remote aboriginal school. How exciting! The picture on the cover brought tears to my eyes. I know I am doing what my heart is demanding by going to Yiyili. My emotions react so strongly with the things I have been reading as preparation and I am becoming more and more certain of my choice being a positive one! I was scared, and didn't really want to follow through (not scared of there...scared of leaving here) but now I am feeling affirmed in my decision and the encouragement from friends has made a huge impact on me. It really hit me last weekend just how much humans need each other. I will expand more on this in future posts.

Until such a time,
Goodnight x

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mission: solo

It seems whenever there is change or transition I like to go solo in figuring out my next moves. It's habit I think, and I also believe I'm not alone in this, that I go for as long as possible on my own mission to fill the gaps in my story so I know things will be ok tomorrow.. instead of trusting now and forever.

The 'now' bit is alright for me.. I have no worries taking each moment of each day and trusting it to God but when it comes to the forever part..I start filling my 'now' with worries about 'forever'.

The proverbs talk about a lot of things...mainly wisdom in living out a faithful life. I don't usually like to separate verses from their chapter or book (to maintain context) but this one kind of speaks for itself anyway..

Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

I like this verse because it reminds me that we are all on our own paths (plural) and that they are indeed OUR paths that he will straighten. It makes me wonder exactly what the metaphor for a 'straight path' is referring to..it is often interpreted as being 'righteous and without sin', or in the more religious sense of doing all the right things to get into heaven... but I wonder if it is perhaps suggesting something more literal, and more practical. I don't know, and I haven't thought about it enough to make a call but all I do know is that no matter what 'straight' means, God is making my paths that way and I'm up for that.

I get caught up in thinking it's so terrifying to make decisions because I might be stuffing up my destiny...how selfish of me! I spend so much time worrying about the decisions I'm making that I don't get out and let myself be used. And if I look at my life so far..I never really chose to do the things I've done or have the passions I have..they have just become a part of my life.

My friend said this to me on the weekend, and it has stuck: "too many Christians worry so much about what they are meant to do to the point where they end they end up doing nothing."

I don't want to get to heaven and have God say "well done good and not-so-faithful servant."

When I think of the word "faithful" I think of 'loyal' and 'obedient', but when you look at the word, these things are merely fruits of faithfulness.

Faith= being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.

Therefore, faithful= living that out = acknowledging your beliefs in everything you do = proverbs 3:5-6.

'nuff said.

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last leg

So...I've been on holidays for the past two weeks but it feels like about 3 months. I go back to work tomorrow and I'm almost positive that as soon as I arrive I will feel like I had no holiday at all.

I love my job but I feel like I've already left. The past 2 weeks have been spent doing two things
1. Relaxing/traveling
2. Preparing to leave in 3 months.

In my head I'm already there...so going back to work for another 10 weeks is painful!

On the upside, this holiday has been very productive. I had a great time away, satisfied my craving for adventure (for now), scored the job, finished reading my book, caught up with all the people I have been missing because work takes up too much time AND I even started clearing out my junk and giving away loads of things I will never need.

So my plans at this point in time are to teach for a year minimum at Yiyili and travel as much as I can during the breaks. I would still love to move to Romania and get to see Lietchtenstein at some point..whether that is in the next 5 years or the next 50 I don't know..and I'm ok with that :)

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zodicrap

Why do people search for the answers in their zodiac signs? A close friend of mine finds identity in knowing she is a Libra. She says reading her signs each week gives her a heads up and stability.

Two thousand years ago the night sky looked completely different, and so when you get right down to it, the Greek conceptions of star signs as related to birth dates are grossly inaccurate for today's day and age. It's called the line of procession: back then the sun didn't set in Taurus, but in Gemini. A September 24 birthday didn't mean you were a Libra, but a Virgo. And there was a thirteenth zodiac constellation, Ophiuchus the Serpent Bearer, which rose between Saggitarius and Scorpio for only four days.

The reason it's all off kilter? The earths axis wobbles. Life isn't nearly as stable as we want it to be.

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sparks

...how great a matter a little fire kindleth...

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