yep.

This week has been an interesting one for me..

On my drive to work in the morning I find it to be the time I get to really think deep about life and where I'm at with everything. On Monday and Tuesday this week I was giving a lot over to God about things I get hung up on and emotions that I don't want to be experiencing. On Tuesday I found myself addressing a burden I have had on my heart for years.. and I felt relieved and excited to think that I could move on from that.. what has always felt like a burden soon felt like the past.. and an open door to the things to come. I have wanted to let go of it for years - tried - failed - fallen back into the same routine of thought again.. over and over.. for about 6 years now. There have been times where I temporarily switched it off but the thoughts and feelings have always been there underneath it all.. so that day I said out loud to God that it was time to move on - time to let go of this thing I didn't want to let go of.. always holding on in hope.. and I believe I did.. I believe I let it go.. but only 3 hours after that for the first time in the 6 years I experienced the exact thing I had been hoping for all these years.. I was shocked. I had waited all this time and BAM there it was.. the day I chose to give it away.. unbelievable. So it left me confused - but filled with this amazing sense of fulfillment.. I shouldn't really be that surprised about it because I already know this.. but God actually heard me.. for 6 years I have been fighting this in my mind.. and God actually heard me.. why does that surprise me? I'm not sure.. perhaps I never really believed He heard my prayers.. last weekend I wrote a thought down that said "sometimes I feel like I'm praying into the sky.. I wonder how many dreams are hanging about up there because that's where people send them.." If people really knew that He hears them.. would they talk to Him more? I still don't know what the purpose of all of this is - but I know that there is one.

Then.. yesterday I was driving home and before I knew it I was sliding across the wet road and heading straight for a 4WD so I slammed on my breaks and let the car take me off road.. I knew I was in trouble and just had to let the car take me because I had no control. I was up on 2 wheels (drivers side) and skidding towards a paddock at about 70km/hr. I could see the road out my window and thought I was going to flip down the bank but remembered being so relieved to see I was heading straight for a metal gate.. I would rather slam into a gate than roll down the paddock. So BAM into the gate I went. The car stayed up on its side for a bit and then fell back down onto all four wheels. Sounds impressive.. and the guy in the 4WD said it looked pretty impressive. At first I didn't look at the damage.. all i knew is that I couldn't get out so I'd climbed over the passenger side and then couldn't find anything in my car.. things were everywhere. I sat down, had a bit of a cry, called dad, and then began to realise what had happened. I looked at the road, and how close I came to crashing into the 4WD, I looked at the fence.. and how amazing it is that I hit the metal gate that stopped me from flipping down the bank.. because for kms along that property there is only that loose wire fencing that I would have gone straight through.. and.. the big metal pole (one from a rail yard or something) that caused the most damage hit just in front of my drivers door.. if it had of been 30cm closer to me I would have hurt my legs. I came out without a single scratch.. bit stiff and bruised from the seat belt.. but nothing wrong. I just feel so glad.. its strange. Its just a car.. and yeah a little bit inconvenient but really.. its just a car.

so there's my week.. up and down.. good and bad.. but an interesting week to have.