So I've hit a bump in my blogging where there is just too much to write about so I just stop.
I'm currently in Darwin. To sum up my experiences in one sentence I would say:
I'm loving the travel, never bored, seeing all I could dream of seeing, meeting amazing people, missing time alone, yearning for a home, needing more quiet space, excited to adventure, probably been a bit too adventurous at times, wishing I was invincible, new found love for swimming, the heat is awesome, the rain and floods are more awesome, lightening and thunder are entertainment, frogs are not friends, and vodaphone is not either.
I'm sitting at a crossroads tonight between Struggle Street and Growth Grove. I think I need to hang a hard right onto Growth Grove after a good night sleep. Yiyili in 7 days and I can't wait!!
I get to see my place and set up but only staying one night. From there I cruise to broome for a week followed by training in fitzroy crossing for a week. So really, another three weeks on the road.
Now time to journal the stuff that won't make it onto this blog..in the words of a close friend "turning my emotions into a masterpiece"...hmmm or a mess of random thoughts.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
lingering dreggs of past experiences
in the vacant lot
stale and stagnant
a tiny tear falls
put away for safe keeping
she knows it is hers
lying still till sadness calls
her luring voice
sensitive and sweet
invites herself to the vacant lot
familiar, heavy, unwelcomed but strong
forces peace to leave and sits snug in her spot.
she imitates goodness
and fools me to believe
her binding lies of reason
a striking manner to deceive.
who is this thief who has stolen my hope
the voice singing of sorrow and despair
you will find her dwelling deep in my lot
-but I didn't invite her there-
you are not welcome and you will not stay
I'll know next time you call.
piss off 'sadness',
I won't prepare a bed for you
I'll just let the tears fall.
stale and stagnant
a tiny tear falls
put away for safe keeping
she knows it is hers
lying still till sadness calls
her luring voice
sensitive and sweet
invites herself to the vacant lot
familiar, heavy, unwelcomed but strong
forces peace to leave and sits snug in her spot.
she imitates goodness
and fools me to believe
her binding lies of reason
a striking manner to deceive.
who is this thief who has stolen my hope
the voice singing of sorrow and despair
you will find her dwelling deep in my lot
-but I didn't invite her there-
you are not welcome and you will not stay
I'll know next time you call.
piss off 'sadness',
I won't prepare a bed for you
I'll just let the tears fall.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
touchy topic
Is it racism? Or culturism? Or socio-economicism? How about locationism?
When I tell people about my plans to go north and teach in an aboriginal community, they usually respond one of two ways...
1. 'That's awesome.'
Or
2. 'Why?'
There have been quite a few negative comments thrown my way by close friends recently..
"why would you bother living with people who will treat you like shit no matter how hard you try to fit in?"
"they are dirty and rude-you won't last"
"surely you could have found a job somewhere else?"
Now, I'm not naive..I know this is going to be a challenge.. And I know that the culture is going to shock me.. But these comments are made with a vicious undertone of judgement and ...anger?
Similar things have been said by supportive friends and I've felt encouraged. It isn't so much the words, it is the intention of their impact.
I'm not too bothered by the amount of negative feedback I've received because it is massively outweighed by the support and positive comments, but it just makes we wonder..
I honestly don't think it is all racism..I think people would make the same comments if I said I was moving to a prodominently non-aboriginal community in the same location...same economic background and population size. Obviously there is also an element of racism too. It worries me that it is acceptable in our culture to make these comments, and that it is almost unacceptable to dispute them.
In my opinion - every community in the world has its challenges. I am looking forward to enveloping myself in a culture I'm yet to experience... challenging as it may be.
Thanks to those who are supportive..
And bigger thanks to those who aren't- because you are reinforcing how important it is that I go.. and your comments just make it easier for me to leave.
When I tell people about my plans to go north and teach in an aboriginal community, they usually respond one of two ways...
1. 'That's awesome.'
Or
2. 'Why?'
There have been quite a few negative comments thrown my way by close friends recently..
"why would you bother living with people who will treat you like shit no matter how hard you try to fit in?"
"they are dirty and rude-you won't last"
"surely you could have found a job somewhere else?"
Now, I'm not naive..I know this is going to be a challenge.. And I know that the culture is going to shock me.. But these comments are made with a vicious undertone of judgement and ...anger?
Similar things have been said by supportive friends and I've felt encouraged. It isn't so much the words, it is the intention of their impact.
I'm not too bothered by the amount of negative feedback I've received because it is massively outweighed by the support and positive comments, but it just makes we wonder..
I honestly don't think it is all racism..I think people would make the same comments if I said I was moving to a prodominently non-aboriginal community in the same location...same economic background and population size. Obviously there is also an element of racism too. It worries me that it is acceptable in our culture to make these comments, and that it is almost unacceptable to dispute them.
In my opinion - every community in the world has its challenges. I am looking forward to enveloping myself in a culture I'm yet to experience... challenging as it may be.
Thanks to those who are supportive..
And bigger thanks to those who aren't- because you are reinforcing how important it is that I go.. and your comments just make it easier for me to leave.
Friday, November 20, 2009
2002
It is a mystery how I manage to forget or temporarily misplace memories that hold the reasons and ways I have become who I am in this moment.
In 2002 I had my life planned out. I was going to become a farmer's wife with lots of kids and take over MrFriends dads farm.
MrFriend was my closest mate. An innocent teenage companionship between two friends longing to be grown up and mature enough to make our own decisions, but not ready to embrace maturity. Neither of us were looking to live the Christian dream of getting hitched by 20 and popping out the first by 21..we were just keen to hang at the river and kick balls along the beach. My favourite memory was riding 4WDs around the farm and chasing cows around the paddocks.
A leader in our church decided to spook us out by making us watch DVDs about not kissing until you are married etc.. And suddenly our innocent friendship became awkward. Bit by bit it all fell apart. We were never in love-but we did love each other a lot. Looking back, it seems the simple suggestion of us being more than friends tore our relationship apart. Damn.
I forgot all about MrFriend until recently..it's been years since I thought about him. He is married now. To a friend of mine. I'm glad for him...but more glad for myself that I didn't end up being a farmers wife.
Strange, slightly awkward, and rather pointless blog post..but I just thought I'd share.
In 2002 I had my life planned out. I was going to become a farmer's wife with lots of kids and take over MrFriends dads farm.
MrFriend was my closest mate. An innocent teenage companionship between two friends longing to be grown up and mature enough to make our own decisions, but not ready to embrace maturity. Neither of us were looking to live the Christian dream of getting hitched by 20 and popping out the first by 21..we were just keen to hang at the river and kick balls along the beach. My favourite memory was riding 4WDs around the farm and chasing cows around the paddocks.
A leader in our church decided to spook us out by making us watch DVDs about not kissing until you are married etc.. And suddenly our innocent friendship became awkward. Bit by bit it all fell apart. We were never in love-but we did love each other a lot. Looking back, it seems the simple suggestion of us being more than friends tore our relationship apart. Damn.
I forgot all about MrFriend until recently..it's been years since I thought about him. He is married now. To a friend of mine. I'm glad for him...but more glad for myself that I didn't end up being a farmers wife.
Strange, slightly awkward, and rather pointless blog post..but I just thought I'd share.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
stones
So.. Jesus goes for a walk along a stony road with his disciples and tells them each to pick up a stone to carry. John picks up a large one and carries this, while Peter picks the smallest stone to carry. Smart idea? Well.. I guess he wasn't struggling to carry it.. and he was still obeying the commandment of Jesus, right? John, however, chose the big heffa stone to carry and is most likely struggling to lug the over sized chunk of Earth with him. I can just imagine them walking along the road.. Peter probably slipped his stone into his pocket or playfully tossed it as he walked along the road, whilst John sweats and aches carrying the large stone. They get to a point where they are hungry and tired from their walk and Jesus says 'stones..turn into bread' and bamshabam each of the stones carried by the disciples turns into bread. Obviously Peter's stone being small is not enough to satisfy him, so John shares some of his with him. Jesus then says, 'lads, choose another stone, we are going to walk again'... so Peter, feeling as though he has this all worked out and knows how the game runs chooses a massive stone. He struggles along carrying the stone believing the at the end of the walk he will be rewarded for his efforts. When they stop, Jesus says 'throw your stones in the river' and Peter is left dumbfounded. I can imagine his frustration and confusion, because he had struggled to carry this stone all the way and then WHAT THE?!?! What good is a stone thrown in the river?? Jesus turns to Peter and says 'Who did you carry this stone for? For me?... or for yourself?'
SO many times in offering sermons I hear the same old, 'God doesn't need your money, but what a blessing it is to give to him! Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Isn't it wonderful knowing that our offerings are refunded ten fold?! Let's give church, lets give give GIVE'.
Yes - cool.. give ten percent.. that is great.. but if our motives for giving aren't 100% out of pure desire to give without the expectation of receiving.. then surely we are being just like Peter was that day on the stony road? If we carry a heavy load in life expecting that blessing will follow... and aren't prepared to carry that same load purely because it has been asked of us.. aren't we doing a Peter? I believe God blesses. No doubt about it. But I don't believe we can earn his blessing or his favour. It is already there. We can't become MORE blessed.. we just become more aware of our blessings. He doesn't favour or love us more according to what we do.. we just learn to recognise his love. I feel most blessed when my attitude is 100% for the kingdom. Let me define what I mean by 'blessed'... I'm not talking an extra $100 in my pay packet, or winning a small lottery, or being given gifts, or anything human in fact.. When I think of blessing, I think of that indescribable feeling/knowing that I am connected to God in a way I simply can not explain. Somehow, in the times I am fighting against a million blows and burns coming at me, I feel most blessed. There is power in knowing that I am capable of forgiveness in the most unforgiving circumstances, that my heart attitude towards life's blows and burns is what gives me reason to carry the stone..
I stuff up. All the time. I say 'yes..erm.. it is ok that I am struggling with this now because I know it will all work out and I will be so much better off because of it and wow, how much is God going to bless me after this!?'... it is quite a common thought pattern. I think back to the stony road. Hope is good. And Peter hoping for a nice chunk of bread at the end of the road is fine.. in fact it is great.. hoping in God for fulfillment and blessing is wonderful.. but simply living knowing that you are blessed already, and that you don't need to earn it, that is when you carry that heavy stone without even considering opting for the smaller one. That is how I want to live.
Just a thought.
SO many times in offering sermons I hear the same old, 'God doesn't need your money, but what a blessing it is to give to him! Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Isn't it wonderful knowing that our offerings are refunded ten fold?! Let's give church, lets give give GIVE'.
Yes - cool.. give ten percent.. that is great.. but if our motives for giving aren't 100% out of pure desire to give without the expectation of receiving.. then surely we are being just like Peter was that day on the stony road? If we carry a heavy load in life expecting that blessing will follow... and aren't prepared to carry that same load purely because it has been asked of us.. aren't we doing a Peter? I believe God blesses. No doubt about it. But I don't believe we can earn his blessing or his favour. It is already there. We can't become MORE blessed.. we just become more aware of our blessings. He doesn't favour or love us more according to what we do.. we just learn to recognise his love. I feel most blessed when my attitude is 100% for the kingdom. Let me define what I mean by 'blessed'... I'm not talking an extra $100 in my pay packet, or winning a small lottery, or being given gifts, or anything human in fact.. When I think of blessing, I think of that indescribable feeling/knowing that I am connected to God in a way I simply can not explain. Somehow, in the times I am fighting against a million blows and burns coming at me, I feel most blessed. There is power in knowing that I am capable of forgiveness in the most unforgiving circumstances, that my heart attitude towards life's blows and burns is what gives me reason to carry the stone..
I stuff up. All the time. I say 'yes..erm.. it is ok that I am struggling with this now because I know it will all work out and I will be so much better off because of it and wow, how much is God going to bless me after this!?'... it is quite a common thought pattern. I think back to the stony road. Hope is good. And Peter hoping for a nice chunk of bread at the end of the road is fine.. in fact it is great.. hoping in God for fulfillment and blessing is wonderful.. but simply living knowing that you are blessed already, and that you don't need to earn it, that is when you carry that heavy stone without even considering opting for the smaller one. That is how I want to live.
Just a thought.
Monday, November 9, 2009
I said a bad word
A series of events filled my day, each with their own unique style of ruining my optimism. I was pissed off. So angry at the world and I wanted to tell everyone just how mad I was, but I didn't want to talk to anyone...so that made it a little hard for me. I ended up sprawled out on my bed staring at a tiny spider crawling along my window. I stayed there for hours just letting my thoughts pass into a haze of ignorance and denial. I didn't feel angry in that state, just numb. I felt no sadness and no worry. I love that our minds have the ability to escape our feelings.. At least long enough to calm down and wait long enough for the dust to settle. Today was crap. Tomorrow will probably reflect and respond to today's happenings...who knows? I'm not about to pretend that my life is meant to be peachy. It's not.
A friend told me today she thought I'd had above and beyond my fair share of 'bleh' moments...and that life doesn't seem to deal them out equally. It's strange, because even though she sees my life as being unfairly overindulged in rubbishy events, I still feel like I've got it good and often wish I could take some of someone elses problems on behalf of them because I don't think it is dealt out fair. Bizaarro.
A part of me is glad to have trials. A very small part. But a part. I'm choosing to tap into that miniscule part of me and try to enlarge it for the sake of my character. I know that trials are opportunities to extend myself and amplify my faith, I'm just not sure I have wired the amp right, and wouldn't want to blow a fuse.
A friend told me today she thought I'd had above and beyond my fair share of 'bleh' moments...and that life doesn't seem to deal them out equally. It's strange, because even though she sees my life as being unfairly overindulged in rubbishy events, I still feel like I've got it good and often wish I could take some of someone elses problems on behalf of them because I don't think it is dealt out fair. Bizaarro.
A part of me is glad to have trials. A very small part. But a part. I'm choosing to tap into that miniscule part of me and try to enlarge it for the sake of my character. I know that trials are opportunities to extend myself and amplify my faith, I'm just not sure I have wired the amp right, and wouldn't want to blow a fuse.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
teachinthekimberley.blogspot.com/
www.teachinthekimberley.blogspot.com/ is the link to my new blog (Walkabout), purely dedicated to stories about my experiences teaching in the Kimberley. This blog (Welcome to the Misconception) will remain one for all other blog posts not relating to my teaching experiences. I decided to create Walkabout for my friends and family to stay in touch with what I am up to, and also because I think it would be helpful for future Kimberley bound teachers to have a read. So subscribe.. read.. and enjoy.
Corrie.
Corrie.
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