perplexed by you and your adept timing
harass my apprehensive heart again
at the very moment when i give you over
you bound back in to claim your place
you sit solid in the core of my thoughts
you overtake any rational decision
everything is you
everything is for you and your hold over me
i want to let go
so badly
yes, i screamed at God today
because He should know better
than to push me this far
to have me give you up
and then let you slam back into my life
you have no clue
you never will
because the letters i've written mean nothing
compared to the years spent faithful to you
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
72481539
agh! today is one of those days where I am getting everything done that needed to be done about 5 weeks ago.. or in some cases 5 months ago.
I finally did my tax return. I hate tax. I hate numbers and money and invoices and transfers and crap. Im trying very hard to finish off my child care book work so I never have to do these crappy invoices again. UGH! I dont think I will ever run a business.. or if I do I will hire someone for every job that involves thinking.
So im feeling a bit drained, a bit over it... and slightly annoyed that the sun is shining and I am tucked up in bed doing this rubbish.
Enough of the negative.. I have some good news..
I am getting my car this week! YAY.. Kia Rio 2000 (the interior and the engine is 2004).. im pumped.. should be a nice ride. I just want to know I have my own car again!
Now what to do with the old one?..... its still mechanically fine.. got a whole heap of work done to it recently and its a shame to let it go.. its classed as a write off because of the damage to the body.. hmm not sure what to do.. rego runs out this month.. so I better do something quick. Suggestions?
Over and out.
I finally did my tax return. I hate tax. I hate numbers and money and invoices and transfers and crap. Im trying very hard to finish off my child care book work so I never have to do these crappy invoices again. UGH! I dont think I will ever run a business.. or if I do I will hire someone for every job that involves thinking.
So im feeling a bit drained, a bit over it... and slightly annoyed that the sun is shining and I am tucked up in bed doing this rubbish.
Enough of the negative.. I have some good news..
I am getting my car this week! YAY.. Kia Rio 2000 (the interior and the engine is 2004).. im pumped.. should be a nice ride. I just want to know I have my own car again!
Now what to do with the old one?..... its still mechanically fine.. got a whole heap of work done to it recently and its a shame to let it go.. its classed as a write off because of the damage to the body.. hmm not sure what to do.. rego runs out this month.. so I better do something quick. Suggestions?
Over and out.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Re: Ten Things
Nick posted a blog about the ten things that he hates.. being the first ten things that come to mind.. here are mine:
1. buying screw top light bulbs when you need twist ones
2. buying twist light bulbs when you need screw ones
3. lending CDs/DVDs that come back scratched
4. crashing cars into gates and not being insured
5. when people deliberately try to make you look stupid or inferior in front of someone they are trying to impress
6. mc donalds
7. instant coffee
8. money and people who are so absorbed in the superficial idea of wealth
9. bullying of any sort
10. hiding in helicopters during lightening storms
1. buying screw top light bulbs when you need twist ones
2. buying twist light bulbs when you need screw ones
3. lending CDs/DVDs that come back scratched
4. crashing cars into gates and not being insured
5. when people deliberately try to make you look stupid or inferior in front of someone they are trying to impress
6. mc donalds
7. instant coffee
8. money and people who are so absorbed in the superficial idea of wealth
9. bullying of any sort
10. hiding in helicopters during lightening storms
umm something deeper than usual
calamity has it's charm
she pulls it in- looks it in the eye
not scared of the confrontation
but satisfied with the stare
he gapes at her fixation
he sees nothing past the skin
no desire, no perturbation
oblivious to the commotion
sees only the husk, the shell
he sees her as she once saw him
a something
commodity
a stock
he sees it as a sale
an exchange between the two
he cant afford the mistake
on this 'no refund' stint - he bails.
it dawns on him her feelings
he retreats to save face
she has no suspicion he knows this
until the dreaded 'mate'
he changes his mode
too confounded, perplexed to care
obviously he knows - her intentions behind the stare
back to where she started
calamity and emotion reign
she wont learn from this mistake
instead she will live for the commotion again
too enthralled in his intrinsic self
no focus on his husk
she sees his faults and loves him
won't put this one on the shelf
she pulls it in- looks it in the eye
not scared of the confrontation
but satisfied with the stare
he gapes at her fixation
he sees nothing past the skin
no desire, no perturbation
oblivious to the commotion
sees only the husk, the shell
he sees her as she once saw him
a something
commodity
a stock
he sees it as a sale
an exchange between the two
he cant afford the mistake
on this 'no refund' stint - he bails.
it dawns on him her feelings
he retreats to save face
she has no suspicion he knows this
until the dreaded 'mate'
he changes his mode
too confounded, perplexed to care
obviously he knows - her intentions behind the stare
back to where she started
calamity and emotion reign
she wont learn from this mistake
instead she will live for the commotion again
too enthralled in his intrinsic self
no focus on his husk
she sees his faults and loves him
won't put this one on the shelf
Thursday, March 5, 2009
sausages and such
YAY! We won our first game of basketball tonight.. I loved it so much! Its such a good feeling to work your butt off as a team and even if we didn't win I know I would have had a fabbo time.. Im pumped for this.. I think Ive found something I love.
Can I just share with you something that made my heart melt today at school.. one of the boys who has been a bit of a challenge to me said completely out of the blue 'you served me a sausage miss'.. and at first I thought.. what the? What was he saying... so I asked him to say it again.. "what did you say sorry?" and he repeated "you served me a sausage".. I automatically got defensive wondering what the heck he was on about because he was just saying it like I should know what he meant and I began to wonder if he was about to make a big joke of me or something.. sounds harsh by me but its quite likely.. anyway.. he looked up at me and waited for me to respond.. I said "oh.. um.. what do you mean?" and he said "on the very first day.. remember.. before school started.. at the bbq.. you served me my sausage"..
he just looked at me and smiled. for this boy to stand there smiling at me without trying to pinch me or poke me is an amazing thing in itself.. but it was so sweet.. he was just letting me know that he remembered that and then he said "yeah - remember? you served me a sausage and it was gooood".
haha.. sorry.. I just found it such a nice thing.. even if it isn't an intentional compliment, it really made me feel like he was responding to me in a positive way for the first time this year. I think its going to be a long road with some of these students, but I care very much for each of them and am prepared to take the journey with them.
Can I just share with you something that made my heart melt today at school.. one of the boys who has been a bit of a challenge to me said completely out of the blue 'you served me a sausage miss'.. and at first I thought.. what the? What was he saying... so I asked him to say it again.. "what did you say sorry?" and he repeated "you served me a sausage".. I automatically got defensive wondering what the heck he was on about because he was just saying it like I should know what he meant and I began to wonder if he was about to make a big joke of me or something.. sounds harsh by me but its quite likely.. anyway.. he looked up at me and waited for me to respond.. I said "oh.. um.. what do you mean?" and he said "on the very first day.. remember.. before school started.. at the bbq.. you served me my sausage"..
he just looked at me and smiled. for this boy to stand there smiling at me without trying to pinch me or poke me is an amazing thing in itself.. but it was so sweet.. he was just letting me know that he remembered that and then he said "yeah - remember? you served me a sausage and it was gooood".
haha.. sorry.. I just found it such a nice thing.. even if it isn't an intentional compliment, it really made me feel like he was responding to me in a positive way for the first time this year. I think its going to be a long road with some of these students, but I care very much for each of them and am prepared to take the journey with them.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
did that just happen?
Most of the 'love' poems I post on here are written by me but not exactly a clear reflection of my thoughts and feelings.. i usually tend to write from my perspective of someone elses perspective.. if that makes sense? But last night I had a strange dream about a friend of mine.. it was one of those dreams that feel so real until about an hour after you wake up and realise it was all in your head! So this morning I was in love with this guy for about an hour.. haha and then i realised it was a dream.. so weird. Anyhow.. here is my reflection of that experience!
the dream you holds on tight
he clutches to my side and warms my hand with his
he makes no show of what we have
we just have it
the dream you looks just like you
he talks with passion
he stands with pose
he makes no statement; he just lets me know
the conscious me feels held
drawn closer to his side
warmed and loved and secure in his grasp
the conscious me is loved
i wake with content, rising to the day
the dream you haunts my thoughts
he looks like you
he talks like you
he loves the dream me
wait - the dream me.. the conscious me..
confusion.
reckon with my thoughts for a moment
sigh.
the conscious me was dreaming
the dream you holds on tight
he clutches to my side and warms my hand with his
he makes no show of what we have
we just have it
the dream you looks just like you
he talks with passion
he stands with pose
he makes no statement; he just lets me know
the conscious me feels held
drawn closer to his side
warmed and loved and secure in his grasp
the conscious me is loved
i wake with content, rising to the day
the dream you haunts my thoughts
he looks like you
he talks like you
he loves the dream me
wait - the dream me.. the conscious me..
confusion.
reckon with my thoughts for a moment
sigh.
the conscious me was dreaming
quick one
Tonight I had my first basketball training session. I forgot how much I loved sports. It was good fun. Im keen to get into it. I had a few knee issues as a kid which meant I had to stop playing sport when I hit grade 7. I hated that. So this is good.. I am excited to get back into sport.
Now - I have to be quick. I promised myself I would be in bed early tonight because I had a late one last night chilling with Nick, Katie and Jas. Loved it - always do. Something I realised about chillin sessions is that even if I literally just sit and chill and do not much else, I still walk away feeling refreshed and motivated.. something sparks inside me when I'm around close friends. I totally get why fellowship is needed. Last night I kinda said something along the lines of 'I sometimes get caught up in the meantime or the future.. never a balance between the two'.. and I started thinking about it all day today.. what is my passion for now.. and what is my passion for the future? I honestly have no idea.. for the now I know I am so committed to my kids in my class and would consider them a very high priority of mine.. I know that I want to be used by God in any way He chooses, and at the moment that seems to be through my work, mainly.
When thinking about the future.. I can't pinpoint a single thing I want to do passionately.. except.. I love being the support for someone who does have a passion.. if that makes sense? I enjoy so much encouraging others in their passion and I think that at the moment I am being used in that way with a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.. hmm.. its hard to put my thoughts into words.
It gets me excited though.. where will I be in ten years? With who? Doing what? Still blogging? Ha!.. possibly and probably still asking myself the same questions..
so I am just going to live with a will to do what I am called to do, and a faith that I will know (or not know but somehow end up) doing what I am meant to do..
Hmm.
OH! ...and... I made some amazing banana muffins tonight. Josh said he couldn't find a fault in them.. YAY! There is hope for the hopeless muffin maker!
Now - I have to be quick. I promised myself I would be in bed early tonight because I had a late one last night chilling with Nick, Katie and Jas. Loved it - always do. Something I realised about chillin sessions is that even if I literally just sit and chill and do not much else, I still walk away feeling refreshed and motivated.. something sparks inside me when I'm around close friends. I totally get why fellowship is needed. Last night I kinda said something along the lines of 'I sometimes get caught up in the meantime or the future.. never a balance between the two'.. and I started thinking about it all day today.. what is my passion for now.. and what is my passion for the future? I honestly have no idea.. for the now I know I am so committed to my kids in my class and would consider them a very high priority of mine.. I know that I want to be used by God in any way He chooses, and at the moment that seems to be through my work, mainly.
When thinking about the future.. I can't pinpoint a single thing I want to do passionately.. except.. I love being the support for someone who does have a passion.. if that makes sense? I enjoy so much encouraging others in their passion and I think that at the moment I am being used in that way with a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.. hmm.. its hard to put my thoughts into words.
It gets me excited though.. where will I be in ten years? With who? Doing what? Still blogging? Ha!.. possibly and probably still asking myself the same questions..
so I am just going to live with a will to do what I am called to do, and a faith that I will know (or not know but somehow end up) doing what I am meant to do..
Hmm.
OH! ...and... I made some amazing banana muffins tonight. Josh said he couldn't find a fault in them.. YAY! There is hope for the hopeless muffin maker!
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