Welcome to the Misconception

new year resolution

2010-12-31T06:43:00.000-08:00

This time last year I decided to give up something that was a daily part of life. It sounds lame, but I gave up bread because I knew that I would need to be more creative with meals if I wanted to stick to it. It didnt take long for me to realise that giving up bread limited me to pastries or deep fried foods when eating out, unless i went somewhere specific. So i decided i could eat wraps and pita bread. I lasted the year and it was worth doing. I'm going to continue this year but am also going to add something to my list of no no's. So far, over the years I have stuck to the following list:

No bread
No maccas, kfc, hungry jacks, subway
No softdrink (soda water excluded)
Drink 2lt of water daily

Hmmm it seems all of my resolutions involve food..perhaps tapping into a complex I seem to have. So this new year I want to resolve to something more character building..

...and here it is...

I won't gossip about anyone - ever.

My definition of gossip - saying something about someone else that you would not honestly say directly to them also.

I've always tried not to gossip, because I know that it is not helpful in building relationships, and it is just as damaging to the gossipee as the gossiper. But, I have indeed involved myself in gossip sessions that are not needed.

I will write out all of my frustrations in my journal and that way it is a way of working through things instead of adding to the mess of life.

So there you have it :) my twentyten resolution.

Ps: people look at you a bit funny when you just take the cup for communion.

12 hours in..

2010-12-20T05:35:00.000-08:00

Blanton is all about being honest in every way. He suggests we need to always say the radical truth, no matter how uncomfortable the situation may become. At this stage, I disagree. Here are some of the 'lies' I told today that I think are perfectly acceptable.

7:30am: mum asks, did you sleep well?I respond, 'yep'.

The FIRST word out of my mouth in the 72hr Radical Honesty Thingy was a lie. Great start.

I decided to try extra hard in the following conversations and managed to cruise through with no surprise lies...until

12:00 noon: brother asks, 'are you hungry? I'm keen for food.'

I respond, 'yeah I'm keen, we should get some of those yummy bread roll things with the seeds on top'

Brother brings home the rolls and says, 'are these the right rolls'

I respond, 'yep that's cool, cheers'

They weren't the rolls I was talking about. In this case...yes, I lied, but no, I didn't care too much for whatever rolls we got...soooooo hmm...

I lie like this throughout the day and am pretty ok with it. What are your thoughts? Should we be radically honest and ditch the social norms whilst we're at it?

I'm liking the challenge because it has made me think and become a lot more conscious of the things I say. I might try to be a little more radical tomorrow. You have to ease into these things..hehe..and I'm not certain this form of honesty is going to help maintain my relationships. I will keep you posted.

Radical or Reckless?

2010-12-19T04:51:00.000-08:00

My friend recently inspired me with a story he told where his integrity was questioned and he was put in a compromising situation that could have been quite damaging to his reputation and employment. My friend was accused of lying (which, in this circumstance was a big deal, not just a fluffy white lie)...as he was sharing this story with me I already knew he was telling the truth, because never in the years I've known him has he ever given me reason to question his honesty. Anyhow, the inspiration came when he told me he was trusted by his work mates who had also experienced his honesty and integrity for as long as they had known him. It got me thinking...would the people who know me have the same trust and faith in my honesty? I would hope so, but in saying that, I wish I could claim that I was honest 100% of the time. I feel like that would be quite a radical way to live..or would it be reckless?

My white lies usually pop out by default. "how are you, is everything going well?" ...."I'm great, yeah everything is good"...blah blah. Aaaaand I am guilty of lying by omission. I will quite regularly just not say what I'm thinking to avoid having to expand on the idea. But, in the long run, if I appear to passively agree to opinions raised in conversations...is my integrity compromised? Likely scenario.

I decided to investigate.

Blanton is a dude who believes Radical Honesty is the key to intimate relationships and a healthier, stress free lifestyle. If you are interested in reading what he has to say, here is a basic low down:

http://m.wikihow.com/Practice-Radical-Honesty

I'm not keen on his 'say everything that comes to mind' theory, basically because I believe our tongues can cause chaos if we aren't careful! However...filtering your thoughts...good plan. I am going to attempt a 72 hour Blanton-athon. I wonder how regularly I will find myself lying incidently or by omission..or even those nasty white lies. I'll keep you posted.

The Dry Season

2010-05-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

It feels like so much needs to be said about what has been happening over the past few months. I have had 3 weeks of holidays. I visited friends all over the country, and then a week of professional development with colleagues and now I am settling back into term with the kids.

I have also gained quite a few new followers of the blog... hello and cheers for your comments!

The cooler weather has started to set in and I am finding myself turning off the air con and layering my clothing! It is still a steady 30 degrees, but that is quite cold in comparison to the high 40s we have just had. I got quite excited the other day when I used to hot tap in the shower for the first time. Normally the water from the cold tap is warmed from the sun, but now it is cold... such a nice feeling to have a heated shower! I have also whipped out my blanket instead of just using a sheet at night. It is somehow comforting.

The frogs have decided to leave me alone for now - although I did find a dead one on my couch all shrivelled up. Apparently they leave my donga for the dry season and head closer to the water. The bugs have all gone into hiding too! No more huge bugs the size of my hand flying around every outdoor light anymore.

I thought I might share a story about my weekend.. because it is probably one worth writing down for my own sake!

On Friday evening, my good friend and I decided we would be sensible and drive to the pub a few hours away for a meal (just for a treat) and then come home that same night. We usually stay overnight if we head in, but we thought we better drive back because we had so much work to get done. So, we set off on the bumpy, dusty dirt track and were (as always) so relieved to get to the highway without the car falling apart or spinning out in the dust. The road is pretty nasty. When we got to the highway we got about 40 mins down the road until our little car decided to blow smoke...thick grey clouds of smelly smoke. We pulled over and the car was 'buggered up', as the kids called it. Luckily, a road train pulled over and the guy got out to have a look. It was getting close to dark now and we didn't have many options. We had a satellite phone but even it was out of range. So... the choice was pretty limited. We hitched a ride in the bunk of the road train. Those trucks are pretty well set up! I was comfortable and feeling alright about it all until we approached the Wolf Creek turn off... for those who have seen the movie, you will understand why I got a little nervous! The truckie said to us 'do you girls know if they ever caught the murderer from Wolf Creek? I heard he is still out on the loose... do you know if it is a true story?'.... I panicked! I tried to just play it cool and chat about it like I didn't know much about it.. but it was pretty creepy! Then he said 'I wouldn't mind checking it out actually'... needless to say I held my breath as we got closer to the turn off, hoping he wouldn't slow down and make the turn. It was pretty dark by then. Of course... nothing happened, we just cruised on past.. I'm just a drama queen in my own head!

When we got to the town it was fully dark, but there was a concert on in the park, with local indigenous bands playing. The road train pulled up right near the park (those trains are massive) and we had to climb down out of it with everyone watching.. quite the embarrassment!

Turns out we had a pretty sweet night - the local band from our community played (and rocked).. I love the style.. a unique brand of country/rock. Very cool.

So - the car is dead... we had to get our boss to drive in a pick us up the next day. We stayed at the pub courtesy of a friend who manages the place. The kids in my class loved the story when I told them it today - they got so excited about the road train, and they wrote cards to my friend who owns the 'buggered up' car.

Some of the things they wrote:

To Miss C
Im sorry for you for car bunged up.
It will get fixed? You gotta use them legs for walking now.
From L

To Miss C
You got that car all busted up. Hope you have a good time because you is the best.
From S.

And a letter a boy wrote to my brother today said:

To Scott
You got a girlfriend and you send a picture of him?
Do you go hunting Scott? Or just McDonalds?
From B

The kids are adorable. I will scan some pictures they draw and post them soon.

One boy in my class went off on his own the other day with a piece of paper and some coloured pencils. I said he could do a drawing if he sat nicely and didn't bother people who were reading. He was working away really hard for about 15 mins. I was excited to see what he had been drawing, because clearly he was enjoying it. He came back with the paper folded in half like a card and the name of his dad written on the front. Inside it said simply this: "when you can come back? from v"

It broke my heart. He asked me in his broken English if I could send it to his dad. I asked where dad was and he said "He in Fitzroy.. you can send it?"... how upsetting that I couldn't do a thing about it.

So - we see some sad things, some lovely things and some very inspirational things. I am still loving my life here. I do miss having a large group of friends around me. It gets lonely at times. I hang out for that moment when the kids jump off the 4X4 bus every morning and run up for a huge cuddle. It is an amazing feeling to be living here with such beautiful people.

Until next time.. xx

Skudda Munger

2010-03-23T00:27:00.000-07:00

So - Im reading over my last blog post and suddenly realise it has been a long time since I wrote it! So much has happened. I am still really loving my time here. The weeks fly by as if they are three days long. The kids are more and more beautiful and the weekends are packed full of fun adventures. I feel like I am on a giant holiday.

It is hard to sum up what happens here, mainly because every day is a bit different. There are times when I realise where I am and it becomes clear to me that life here is 'normal' now.. I have passed the culture shock phase and am just living it day by day. Im so attatched to the kids. It makes me sad when I hear that a family are choosing to move on to another community. It happens a lot. Im losing a student this week actually. I am sad because she was one of the hardest ones to build a relationship with. It took a lot of work to build trust with her, and now she is leaving :(

Today I spent half of my time babysitting a 3 month old baby girl who was given to me at lunch time. Her mum is a lady who works in the kitchen preparing 'soup-soup' for the kids' lunch. This baby was handed to me straight after having a bath, and she was covered in white baby powder.. so adorable against her dark skin. She has a big mop of dead straight, thick black hair. Gorgeous. So the kids just went about their class work while I held this bubba. Good fun.

The kids have been teaching me kriol, so I am down with the lingo here now. They speak to me in kriol after school, because during school they are encouraged to learn standard english. I love letting them teach me. They are amazing. They take me down the river and show me where it is safe to drink and swim. They teach me all about which berries I can eat, and where to find the real sweet ones. They are so interested in me and my way of life - but then SO enthusiastic to show me theirs. I love it.

I have made friends with a lot of the women here. I have also managed to get to know a few people from the next town, and we catch up on weekends. Mainly nurses, teachers, and tradies. I have met a few too many cowboys too! They are funny funny people. Everyone has a cool story. It is like stepping onto the scene of Man From Snowy River.. the typical cowboy. I find it quite entertaining when they waltz into the pub with their flannies tucked into their uber tight jeans and cowboy hats that are broader than their shoulders. Funny funny.

It is a different world here. I could go on for ages trying to describe it. I guess you will just have to come and see it for yourself to really understand.

Corrie.

PS: One thing I am NOT enjoying - frogs in my toilet. They are my fear.. I can deal with all the other nasties.. but frogs.. no way.

OH BABY!

2010-02-12T03:05:00.000-08:00

I am writing to you tonight from the comfort of my donga, known around the community as 'top donga' because it is located at the very top of the 'hill', that is really just a slope in the dirt. I am still sick from Ross River, with no real signs of progress.. other than it has now been a month and apparently this is the average length of time that the virus lasts. Technically I am still in the accute phase, which sucks. It hasn't hindered my time in my new surroundings though.. and this is good! I have had enough mobility and energy most days to check out the beautiful things around this community - even if it is by car. Im really looking forward to being able to go for walks and see it all again by foot rather than 4WD. Oh! I got bogged the other night.. on a secret mission to find lollies in the school.. managed to get into a nice boggy patch of the dirt road and lets just say our secret mission to find lollies was not so secret anymore!

The kids in my class are SO adorable. The first few days I really struggled to understand them, as they speak quite fast with a lot of kriol combined with minimal english, but now I am able to understand them very well, and even find myself speaking part kriol in class when Im stuck into my lessons. Its quite funny really. I went to the pub in the nearest town (almost 2 hrs away) last weekend for a meal, and I was shocked at how fast I was speaking and the way I kept almost reverting into kriol sounding language.. haha, this place really gets into your skin, in many ways..

The people here are amazing. I wouldn't say it has been a culture shock for me, more of an adjustment. The ladies here are very friendly and are interested in knowing who you are.. they dont speak much, but when they do, you know you are ok with them. The kids however.. they just throw themselves at you and talk a million miles an hour with a truckload of questions. A few days before school started I was walking around the school, and hadn't met any of the kids yet... I was walking to my classroom when I saw a girl with fuzzy hair sticking her head around the corner of a building peeping at me and then hiding when I looked at her.. I said "hello... whats your name? Can you help me find my classroom?" ....the next thing I heard was about 30 kids erupt with laughter and giggles and from all directions they came running out screaming and laughing their hearts out.. they all jumped all over me and played with my hair and my legs and my arms.. they were facinated with my 'wobbly bits' and my smooth legs. I was pretty much on the ground with all these kids jumping all over me asking me heaps of questions and wanting to know what I was carrying in my hands.. I ended up hanging out with them all outside my donga all afternoon giving them cold water to sip from plastic bottles and chatting about all their favourite things to do around here. They are just gorgeous. Most nights at least one or two groups of kids will come knocking, asking for 'justa cold water miss, and a little bit food?'.. it is a very special time of getting to hear their stories and learn about their culture.

I thought I would list some of my favourite things the kids have said to me so far:

"miss, why you got so fats guts? you like the fat cheeeeese?"

"your hair is a lubbly one miss"

One of the girls spotted a freckle on my arm and said "miss!!!.. you got a booty spot!"

"im paining in my guts - needa rest or shit...(I look at him in shock that he said "shit", and he says..) gaaaaaah sorry miss, a poo!"

When I was attempting a hiphop move that involves a bit of hip action, one of the boys got up and said "ah miss, that not dance, that a bad wiggle" and burst into laughter.. I joined him. It was ridiculous, and these kids have so many dance skills, not sure why i ever thought I could pull off more than just a bad wiggle.

Last night we had a 'killa', which is where the locals kill a beast to chop up and eat for the whole community. It was cool. The grade 10 blokes put on a bingo game and we all sat outside in the 49 degree heat playing bingo in the shade of the basketball court. After bingo and killa, the Walkabout Boys (a local band) played some tunes and the kids all ran around playing basketball and doing their hiphop moves to some country tunes pumping through the amps. The adults all stuck around, some getting up for a boogie, others just watching... I danced with the kiddies and held about 7 babies that were thrust into my arms over the duration of the evening. The babies are gorgeous.

So - it is safe to say that I am stoked with my decision to move here, and I am falling in love very quickly. I love the people, the culture, the artworks, the school, the staff, the isolation, the scenery, the sunsets, the animals, the bush tucker, the rivers, the waterholes, the heat... and even the hiphop music is becoming something I am enjoying more than I ever imagined I would!

I have some special friends I have made here. I intend to stay for a long time. They say it takes a special person to live here.. but I think 'as if you wouldn't!' I can't imagine why anyone would not want to live in this amazing place.

xxxx

Ross River

2010-01-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

So I made it to Broome after a 14 hour drive in forty something degree heat with a busted aircon and a burst tube in the radiator. I became quite familiar with my cars engine that day. And my best friend was a roll of electrical tape. I whipped out a dodgy job on the burst tube and somehow managed to make it to Broome from Kununurra with only a few roll starts and three stops due to the engine overheating.

Since being in Broome I have met loads of people and really enjoyed my time relaxing and preparing for the year. I am constantly feeling that this was the right move to make. I know I am where I'm meant to be in this moment.

I met my new principal and staff crew over the week (bumped into one guy who is staying at the backpackers here and worked out he is one of the teachers). They are all very very nice and so supportive!!

Support is something I need at the moment because I've just been diagnosed with Ross River Virus. If you aren't familiar with it, it is passed on through mozzie bites and can vary in it's impact according to the individual. Unfortunately for me, I have lost a lot of movement in my small joints (fingers, toes, elbows, jaw) and it is very painful too. I also have a full body rash going on that looks like I've been eaten by little bugs. It's pretty nasty. There is no treatment as such, just pain relief, and is likely to last a month before improving. Sucks to be me. So I'm in bed resting up.

Looking forward to kicking it in the head and enjoying my year(s) at Yiyili!

blogblank

2010-01-12T03:09:00.000-08:00

So I've hit a bump in my blogging where there is just too much to write about so I just stop.

I'm currently in Darwin. To sum up my experiences in one sentence I would say:

I'm loving the travel, never bored, seeing all I could dream of seeing, meeting amazing people, missing time alone, yearning for a home, needing more quiet space, excited to adventure, probably been a bit too adventurous at times, wishing I was invincible, new found love for swimming, the heat is awesome, the rain and floods are more awesome, lightening and thunder are entertainment, frogs are not friends, and vodaphone is not either.

I'm sitting at a crossroads tonight between Struggle Street and Growth Grove. I think I need to hang a hard right onto Growth Grove after a good night sleep. Yiyili in 7 days and I can't wait!!

I get to see my place and set up but only staying one night. From there I cruise to broome for a week followed by training in fitzroy crossing for a week. So really, another three weeks on the road.

Now time to journal the stuff that won't make it onto this blog..in the words of a close friend "turning my emotions into a masterpiece"...hmmm or a mess of random thoughts.

lingering dreggs of past experiences

2009-12-09T22:24:00.000-08:00

in the vacant lot
stale and stagnant
a tiny tear falls
put away for safe keeping
she knows it is hers
lying still till sadness calls

her luring voice
sensitive and sweet
invites herself to the vacant lot
familiar, heavy, unwelcomed but strong
forces peace to leave and sits snug in her spot.

she imitates goodness
and fools me to believe
her binding lies of reason
a striking manner to deceive.

who is this thief who has stolen my hope
the voice singing of sorrow and despair
you will find her dwelling deep in my lot
-but I didn't invite her there-

you are not welcome and you will not stay
I'll know next time you call.

piss off 'sadness',
I won't prepare a bed for you
I'll just let the tears fall.

touchy topic

2009-11-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

Is it racism? Or culturism? Or socio-economicism? How about locationism?

When I tell people about my plans to go north and teach in an aboriginal community, they usually respond one of two ways...

1. 'That's awesome.'

Or

2. 'Why?'

There have been quite a few negative comments thrown my way by close friends recently..

"why would you bother living with people who will treat you like shit no matter how hard you try to fit in?"

"they are dirty and rude-you won't last"

"surely you could have found a job somewhere else?"

Now, I'm not naive..I know this is going to be a challenge.. And I know that the culture is going to shock me.. But these comments are made with a vicious undertone of judgement and ...anger?

Similar things have been said by supportive friends and I've felt encouraged. It isn't so much the words, it is the intention of their impact.

I'm not too bothered by the amount of negative feedback I've received because it is massively outweighed by the support and positive comments, but it just makes we wonder..

I honestly don't think it is all racism..I think people would make the same comments if I said I was moving to a prodominently non-aboriginal community in the same location...same economic background and population size. Obviously there is also an element of racism too. It worries me that it is acceptable in our culture to make these comments, and that it is almost unacceptable to dispute them.

In my opinion - every community in the world has its challenges. I am looking forward to enveloping myself in a culture I'm yet to experience... challenging as it may be.

Thanks to those who are supportive..

And bigger thanks to those who aren't- because you are reinforcing how important it is that I go.. and your comments just make it easier for me to leave.

2002

2009-11-20T01:01:00.000-08:00

It is a mystery how I manage to forget or temporarily misplace memories that hold the reasons and ways I have become who I am in this moment.

In 2002 I had my life planned out. I was going to become a farmer's wife with lots of kids and take over MrFriends dads farm.

MrFriend was my closest mate. An innocent teenage companionship between two friends longing to be grown up and mature enough to make our own decisions, but not ready to embrace maturity. Neither of us were looking to live the Christian dream of getting hitched by 20 and popping out the first by 21..we were just keen to hang at the river and kick balls along the beach. My favourite memory was riding 4WDs around the farm and chasing cows around the paddocks.

A leader in our church decided to spook us out by making us watch DVDs about not kissing until you are married etc.. And suddenly our innocent friendship became awkward. Bit by bit it all fell apart. We were never in love-but we did love each other a lot. Looking back, it seems the simple suggestion of us being more than friends tore our relationship apart. Damn.

I forgot all about MrFriend until recently..it's been years since I thought about him. He is married now. To a friend of mine. I'm glad for him...but more glad for myself that I didn't end up being a farmers wife.

Strange, slightly awkward, and rather pointless blog post..but I just thought I'd share.

stones

2009-11-10T03:23:00.000-08:00

So.. Jesus goes for a walk along a stony road with his disciples and tells them each to pick up a stone to carry. John picks up a large one and carries this, while Peter picks the smallest stone to carry. Smart idea? Well.. I guess he wasn't struggling to carry it.. and he was still obeying the commandment of Jesus, right? John, however, chose the big heffa stone to carry and is most likely struggling to lug the over sized chunk of Earth with him. I can just imagine them walking along the road.. Peter probably slipped his stone into his pocket or playfully tossed it as he walked along the road, whilst John sweats and aches carrying the large stone. They get to a point where they are hungry and tired from their walk and Jesus says 'stones..turn into bread' and bamshabam each of the stones carried by the disciples turns into bread. Obviously Peter's stone being small is not enough to satisfy him, so John shares some of his with him. Jesus then says, 'lads, choose another stone, we are going to walk again'... so Peter, feeling as though he has this all worked out and knows how the game runs chooses a massive stone. He struggles along carrying the stone believing the at the end of the walk he will be rewarded for his efforts. When they stop, Jesus says 'throw your stones in the river' and Peter is left dumbfounded. I can imagine his frustration and confusion, because he had struggled to carry this stone all the way and then WHAT THE?!?! What good is a stone thrown in the river?? Jesus turns to Peter and says 'Who did you carry this stone for? For me?... or for yourself?'

SO many times in offering sermons I hear the same old, 'God doesn't need your money, but what a blessing it is to give to him! Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Isn't it wonderful knowing that our offerings are refunded ten fold?! Let's give church, lets give give GIVE'.

Yes - cool.. give ten percent.. that is great.. but if our motives for giving aren't 100% out of pure desire to give without the expectation of receiving.. then surely we are being just like Peter was that day on the stony road? If we carry a heavy load in life expecting that blessing will follow... and aren't prepared to carry that same load purely because it has been asked of us.. aren't we doing a Peter? I believe God blesses. No doubt about it. But I don't believe we can earn his blessing or his favour. It is already there. We can't become MORE blessed.. we just become more aware of our blessings. He doesn't favour or love us more according to what we do.. we just learn to recognise his love. I feel most blessed when my attitude is 100% for the kingdom. Let me define what I mean by 'blessed'... I'm not talking an extra $100 in my pay packet, or winning a small lottery, or being given gifts, or anything human in fact.. When I think of blessing, I think of that indescribable feeling/knowing that I am connected to God in a way I simply can not explain. Somehow, in the times I am fighting against a million blows and burns coming at me, I feel most blessed. There is power in knowing that I am capable of forgiveness in the most unforgiving circumstances, that my heart attitude towards life's blows and burns is what gives me reason to carry the stone..

I stuff up. All the time. I say 'yes..erm.. it is ok that I am struggling with this now because I know it will all work out and I will be so much better off because of it and wow, how much is God going to bless me after this!?'... it is quite a common thought pattern. I think back to the stony road. Hope is good. And Peter hoping for a nice chunk of bread at the end of the road is fine.. in fact it is great.. hoping in God for fulfillment and blessing is wonderful.. but simply living knowing that you are blessed already, and that you don't need to earn it, that is when you carry that heavy stone without even considering opting for the smaller one. That is how I want to live.

Just a thought.

I said a bad word

2009-11-09T02:53:00.000-08:00

A series of events filled my day, each with their own unique style of ruining my optimism. I was pissed off. So angry at the world and I wanted to tell everyone just how mad I was, but I didn't want to talk to anyone...so that made it a little hard for me. I ended up sprawled out on my bed staring at a tiny spider crawling along my window. I stayed there for hours just letting my thoughts pass into a haze of ignorance and denial. I didn't feel angry in that state, just numb. I felt no sadness and no worry. I love that our minds have the ability to escape our feelings.. At least long enough to calm down and wait long enough for the dust to settle. Today was crap. Tomorrow will probably reflect and respond to today's happenings...who knows? I'm not about to pretend that my life is meant to be peachy. It's not.

A friend told me today she thought I'd had above and beyond my fair share of 'bleh' moments...and that life doesn't seem to deal them out equally. It's strange, because even though she sees my life as being unfairly overindulged in rubbishy events, I still feel like I've got it good and often wish I could take some of someone elses problems on behalf of them because I don't think it is dealt out fair. Bizaarro.

A part of me is glad to have trials. A very small part. But a part. I'm choosing to tap into that miniscule part of me and try to enlarge it for the sake of my character. I know that trials are opportunities to extend myself and amplify my faith, I'm just not sure I have wired the amp right, and wouldn't want to blow a fuse.

teachinthekimberley.blogspot.com/

2009-11-08T01:02:00.000-08:00

www.teachinthekimberley.blogspot.com/ is the link to my new blog (Walkabout), purely dedicated to stories about my experiences teaching in the Kimberley. This blog (Welcome to the Misconception) will remain one for all other blog posts not relating to my teaching experiences. I decided to create Walkabout for my friends and family to stay in touch with what I am up to, and also because I think it would be helpful for future Kimberley bound teachers to have a read. So subscribe.. read.. and enjoy.

Corrie.

Berlin Wall Irony

2009-11-05T23:29:00.000-08:00

Fans hoping to glimpse U2's free concert celebrating 20 years since the Berlin Wall fell were outraged Thursday to find that a 12-foot (3.6-meter) metal barrier was installed to block the view for those without tickets.

Both Berliners and tourists alike saw the irony in building a wall around a concert dedicated to the wall that has already come down.

"It's completely ridiculous that they are blocking the view," said Louis-Pierre Boily, 23, who came to Berlin even though he failed to get U2 tickets. "I thought it's a free show, but MTV probably wants people to watch it on TV to get their ratings up."

Boily, from Quebec City, was among several hundred people who gathered Thursday against the new fence, which was draped with a white tarp that blocked the view of the stage from the street. Some fans were already trying to tear down the tarp before the concert, which was being held in front of Berlin's iconic Brandenburg Gate.

The music network MTV, which organized Thursday's concert, said it worked with the local promoter, the city and Berlin police to install a temporary fence "around the site to ensure the safety and security of the attendees at the event as well as residents and businesses in the area."

U2's publicist RMP refused comment about the barrier.

Some 10,000 tickets were made available online for the Irish rockers' free show — and they were snapped up in just three hours.

U2 was performing four songs but only one song was being shown later on television Thursday as part of MTV's European Music Awards, according to MTV.

The Berlin Wall fell on Nov. 9, 1989, ending almost 30 years of Cold War division between the communist East and the democratic West.

Throughout those decades, the Brandenburg Gate stood just inside East Berlin. In 1988, musicians such as Pink Floyd and Michael Jackson performed in a three-day "Berlin Rock Marathon" on the western side of the concrete barrier, with the landmark as a backdrop.

Concertgoers in the West hurled bottles and firebombs at the wall, while some 2,000 youths gathered on the eastern side to listen, many shouting "The wall must go!"

grade 2

2009-10-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

know that this is complicated
a puzzle with no pattern
no picture or straight edges
and I don't hold the plan

easiest pieces first
the corners set in place
but know that this is complicated
because I still can't see your face

looking for the bigger picture
in the mess spread across the table
task deemed impossible
without guidance I'm not able

but it is all there...the picture
every piece that is needed
know that this is complicated
it seems looking won't help me see it

im not a stoner

2009-10-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that I downloaded an application on my iPhone that let me smoke weed at any time...just put your lips on the screen and take a chuff.

I dreamt that I was sitting next to my mum at the family house I grew up in and I took a chuff. She asked me what I was doing and I had to confess to her. I was so upset!

It's strange. It actually felt pretty awesome in my dream. It was so real. I woke up and considered not going to work because I was worried you could smell it on me and that I was still under the influence. I felt so bad about it too!

Haha strange. I put it down to watching The Mighty Boosh before bed and drifting off to sleep while listening to 'The Drugs Dont Work'.

***I do not take drugs or condone the use of illicit drugs unless in a dream because that is actually pretty bonkers***

heat of the moment

2009-10-13T00:50:00.000-07:00

So I've decided after today's classroom antics that I am...

1. Not getting married.
2. Not having children.
3. Never teaching highschool grades again.

Over and out.

LIOR - I'LL FORGET YOU

2009-10-11T02:32:00.000-07:00

I like this song a lot. Mainly the lyrics, but it has a catchy tune and quite a sweet little melody that is sung by Lior and Sia together. I like it :)

I left you out

Inside my heart

How easily

This could be the start

And rip my life apart

Like a bowerbird collecting blue

See me gather words

To let you know

It's hard to let this go

But I'm making up my mind

I'll forget you in time

You still make me cry

Like a song of the east

That loses its centre

But always finds its way back home

How this bird has flown

So I'm making up my mind

Gonna rescue myself tonight

Yeah I'm making up my mind

I'll forget you in time

I am leaving you

You are leaving me

We've sung our song

And we chose to roll on

Although this love never fades

It's time to forget the road we never travelled along

So I've made up my mind

Gonna rescue myself tonight

Yeah I've made up my mind

I'll forget you in time.

high fives and smiles

2009-10-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

six thirty we gather
high fives and banter
she's got a new headband
and he's rockin the raybans
loud 'yo bros' and flashy smiles
greeting strangers in youthy style
everyone is impressed with the funky coloured lights
the girls on the stage in short skirts and tights
high fashions roll, the leaders are blingin'
the moshing gets pumpin' as the band gets singin'
hands held high and voices shouting
everyone's up the front and the 'praise pit' is bouncin'
adrenaline rush as the concert begins
everyone cheers when the pop song ends
slow down the tempo and forget the jumping
this slow synthy tune is serious worship or something
the keys keep twinkling right through his talk
the carpet wears a hole from his back and forward walk
his language is hip and he's holding the book
this guy must be alright because he's got the look
clap, clap, clap and cheer and banter
service is over - time for pizza and fanta

the universal language

2009-10-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

so they say that music is a universal language.. but obviously some styles/artists appeal to people in different ways. Lately I have been indulging in new musical goodness as opposed to my couple of months recently where I was content just listening to old stuff and had no real desire to buy a new album. I love my CD collection for its randomness and almost embarrassing selection of tunes. It tells a story about my musical appreciation journey..the things I listened to along the way that have lead me to loving music the way I do.

So I thought I might enlighten you with some of my most recent musical loving.

A band out of France called Pheonix are my current favourite. They use a lot of synth coupled with odd but catchy beats and a very unique vocal sound that glides over the complex synth action going on. They use a lot of tempo and timing techniques that intertwine to create depth to a rather simplistic melody. It is quite fascinating to listen to the way different timing and tempo is used for different synth parts in unity...strange but good.

then there is this guy who sells himself as Bon Iver which means 'Good Winter' in French (I'm sensing a French theme) but this guy is from Canada? I think? Anyway, he wrote his most recent album after a breakup with 1.his band and 2. His girlfriend. The album is called For Emma, Forever Ago. It is beautiful. It is acoustic based with stacks of vocal multitracking and a lot of random sounds thrown in that create a very emotional and touching theme. Bon Iver is an artist that I appreciate for his ability to write a good song and portray his emotions brilliantly through that medium, not so much for musical genius.

MuteMath - wow. I won't go down the line of trying to use words to describe them..just buy the album. Armistice. It is fab.

Now for a talent that I am looking forward to further releases from. Florence and the Machine out if London. She has an awesome voice and I love her style but she is quite new on the scene and although I do appreciate her music I am more excited about things to come. Worth a looky if you are into jazzy but poppy but soulful female vocal greatness.

Muse - hmmmm. I should be careful with this one because I know there are a lot of diehard fans out and about who are loving their 2009 release but for me personally I am quite disappointed. I am not too sure what I expected but I didn't expect Bellamy to be Beyoncè. Granted, they are still Muse and haven't 'lost' their brilliance...they just didn't really infuse it into this latest release.

And that brings me to the end of my blab.

gifts

2009-10-08T03:56:00.000-07:00

I love gifts. Giving and receiving. When I give a gift I think a lot about what I would like to bless someone with -big or small- it is something I have lots of fun doing. Tonight I got a gift in the mail from a friend back home. It was so heartfelt in that I could tell a lot of thought had gone into it -coupled with a handmade card- it made me feel so special :-)

It was a copy of the book, 'Seven Seasons in Aurukuu'...a story about time spent living and teaching in a remote aboriginal school. How exciting! The picture on the cover brought tears to my eyes. I know I am doing what my heart is demanding by going to Yiyili. My emotions react so strongly with the things I have been reading as preparation and I am becoming more and more certain of my choice being a positive one! I was scared, and didn't really want to follow through (not scared of there...scared of leaving here) but now I am feeling affirmed in my decision and the encouragement from friends has made a huge impact on me. It really hit me last weekend just how much humans need each other. I will expand more on this in future posts.

Until such a time,
Goodnight x

mission: solo

2009-10-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

It seems whenever there is change or transition I like to go solo in figuring out my next moves. It's habit I think, and I also believe I'm not alone in this, that I go for as long as possible on my own mission to fill the gaps in my story so I know things will be ok tomorrow.. instead of trusting now and forever.

The 'now' bit is alright for me.. I have no worries taking each moment of each day and trusting it to God but when it comes to the forever part..I start filling my 'now' with worries about 'forever'.

The proverbs talk about a lot of things...mainly wisdom in living out a faithful life. I don't usually like to separate verses from their chapter or book (to maintain context) but this one kind of speaks for itself anyway..

Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

I like this verse because it reminds me that we are all on our own paths (plural) and that they are indeed OUR paths that he will straighten. It makes me wonder exactly what the metaphor for a 'straight path' is referring to..it is often interpreted as being 'righteous and without sin', or in the more religious sense of doing all the right things to get into heaven... but I wonder if it is perhaps suggesting something more literal, and more practical. I don't know, and I haven't thought about it enough to make a call but all I do know is that no matter what 'straight' means, God is making my paths that way and I'm up for that.

I get caught up in thinking it's so terrifying to make decisions because I might be stuffing up my destiny...how selfish of me! I spend so much time worrying about the decisions I'm making that I don't get out and let myself be used. And if I look at my life so far..I never really chose to do the things I've done or have the passions I have..they have just become a part of my life.

My friend said this to me on the weekend, and it has stuck: "too many Christians worry so much about what they are meant to do to the point where they end they end up doing nothing."

I don't want to get to heaven and have God say "well done good and not-so-faithful servant."

When I think of the word "faithful" I think of 'loyal' and 'obedient', but when you look at the word, these things are merely fruits of faithfulness.

Faith= being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.

Therefore, faithful= living that out = acknowledging your beliefs in everything you do = proverbs 3:5-6.

'nuff said.

last leg

2009-10-04T03:43:00.000-07:00

So...I've been on holidays for the past two weeks but it feels like about 3 months. I go back to work tomorrow and I'm almost positive that as soon as I arrive I will feel like I had no holiday at all.

I love my job but I feel like I've already left. The past 2 weeks have been spent doing two things
1. Relaxing/traveling
2. Preparing to leave in 3 months.

In my head I'm already there...so going back to work for another 10 weeks is painful!

On the upside, this holiday has been very productive. I had a great time away, satisfied my craving for adventure (for now), scored the job, finished reading my book, caught up with all the people I have been missing because work takes up too much time AND I even started clearing out my junk and giving away loads of things I will never need.

So my plans at this point in time are to teach for a year minimum at Yiyili and travel as much as I can during the breaks. I would still love to move to Romania and get to see Lietchtenstein at some point..whether that is in the next 5 years or the next 50 I don't know..and I'm ok with that :)

zodicrap

2009-10-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

Why do people search for the answers in their zodiac signs? A close friend of mine finds identity in knowing she is a Libra. She says reading her signs each week gives her a heads up and stability.

Two thousand years ago the night sky looked completely different, and so when you get right down to it, the Greek conceptions of star signs as related to birth dates are grossly inaccurate for today's day and age. It's called the line of procession: back then the sun didn't set in Taurus, but in Gemini. A September 24 birthday didn't mean you were a Libra, but a Virgo. And there was a thirteenth zodiac constellation, Ophiuchus the Serpent Bearer, which rose between Saggitarius and Scorpio for only four days.

The reason it's all off kilter? The earths axis wobbles. Life isn't nearly as stable as we want it to be.

sparks

2009-10-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

...how great a matter a little fire kindleth...

raspberry twisters

2009-09-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

forever from here when i think of now
will i feel so torn when the future has come
and the now is gone?

will you find?
in someone else?
probably
just dont tell me
...but make sure i know

will i still hear the words you wrote
come alive with their own pulse
will my words still read the emotions stagnant in me?

time will tell
when my decisions turn to change
is it enough to remove the stain
he spilt on my shoulder?

your words and ways are wound tight around my everything
cut me down, i cant hang here forever
and forever from here i will think of now
i will wonder if you knew
that raspberry twisters will always remind me of you

Australia

2009-09-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a holiday around South Australia and Victoria. I went with one of my friends from uni. We spent most of our time in SA because it was so beautiful. In true corrie style we made no plans, just booked a flight into Adelaide and out of Melbourne. The journey in between would be determined day by day. It was amazing. It's hard to explain everything we did because we did so much. I will write out some highlights.. We stayed one night in Adelaide where we went to the Woolshed- the pub known for its country vibes and mechanical bull rides. Hilarious. I met loads of people there and decided I like farmers for their gentle open nature. It was a great night. I also met a guy called russle from The Alice. He is an indiginous aussie from the bush. He taught me some of his language (how to say cigarette and lighter) and told me some stories about his life. This was cool because I'm going to be teaching in a school very similar to the one he described as his primary school. We decided to head as far north of SA as possible. We ended up in Hawker. Check it out on google. Not much there, but beautiful landscape. It is at the foot of the Flinders Ranges. We got up early and watched the sunrise over the cliffs. It was insane. At this point I fell madly in love with outback Australia. Then we needed to head to somewhere with phone reception because I had a job interview. We had been through Port Augusta and knew coverage was good there, so off we went. Had lunch at a place called Tassie. Got a phone call and had my interview with the indiginous elders of the community I applied for...and...got the job :-) big smiles from me! So I'm moving to Yiyili next year..and going up to see the school in a few weeks too. Another adventure ;-) So after that we made our way to Freeling, home of McLeods Daughters. I'm not a fan but had seen the show and recognized the town. We stayed at the Gungellan Pub and THAT was an experience!!! Let's just say I had to sleep with my bed jammed up against the door so no one could get in...those outback fellas haven't seen girls in a while. I was scared but we survived! I also had stacks of fun there though.. Quite a bit of bootscooting went down. So we took off from there and drove through a billion towns until we reached Mount Gambier. We got there at night so we bought a torch and went to see all the limestone sink holes lit up at night. It was beyond describable. Amazing. We had no accommodation booked that night so we drove into a caravan park and found a spot between two empty cabins. I slept in the boot. Interesting times. Went to blue lake in the morning and watched the sunrise over the ancient volcano. It was gorgeous and quite eery being the only people there. We passed through Warrnambool and saw a couple of whales dancing along the coast and then headed along the Great Ocean Road. We stopped at every lookout and admired it all. It was a sweet time to be there because the winds and waves were so huge that you actually got wet standing up on the cliffs. It was magical! And scary! I loved it. Somewhere in there we went to Port Fairy which was awesome too. We walked right out across the river mouth to the island on the coast and went for a bit of an exploration. Great fun. From Lorne we drove to Queenscliff and caught the ferry across to Sorento. We drove the Nepean Hwy through to Melb city where I hung out with my big bro and surprised my big sis. Then we came home! I've missed out so many of the little coastal towns that were awesome but I wanted to keep it reasonably readable! Haha. If you read through this far, well done good and faithful blogger.

Now some visuals for your eyes...

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

creative space

2009-09-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been lacking creativity and inspiration in my writing and thoughts. I have found it really hard to think and write like I love to.

I used to lay awake just thinking, reading a few verses, mumbling into the nothingness, and writing.. I would spend hours each night doing this and the creativity just came naturally.. words would appear in my vocabulary that I had never uttered before.. I was filled with inspiration and the desire to write until my eyes wouldnt stay open anymore. What I loved most was the passion building up inside me.. my heart demanding action and my spirit overwhelmed by purpose.

Earlier this week I saw a picture I drew as a self-portrait about 5 months ago. It looked nothing like me. It had a few random scribbles that represented what I thought was a true reflection of my heart. I saw that picture earlier this week.. it is stuck to my desk in my office.. it has been stuck there all year. I just never looked at it.

When I looked at the picture I felt sad. I feel that I have lost myself in all that is me.. make sense? It is bizarre you know, just doing the 'right thing' and living a 'good life' is pointless. It is one of the saddest misunderstandings about christianity.

I think it is time to whip out the leatherbound, grab a fineliner and get back to basics.

these streets

2009-09-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

these streets are cold
they hold no truth
trial and trust
these streets are used

with each step
she knows the way
worn and faded
her tracks decay

cracks in the stone
taking your stride
these streets lead you deeper
to where the real people hide

I told

2009-09-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

I told my boss I'm leaving.
It seems so much more real now.

I'm terrified. But so keen. Adventure time. Life change. Potential screw up.

The thing I'm struggling with most is knowing I'm leaving a perfectly satisfying life here. I've got it all. No worries. Beautiful friends. Supportive church. Great job. Family. Love. Ocean. Nice house. Car. Cultural acceptance.

Where I'm going there is none of that...yet.

gone to nowhere

2009-09-14T04:13:00.000-07:00

she still wonders
how far is gone enough
to forget the ties
draw new lines
choice equals broken
pain not sin
his failure to notice
equals her reason to give in.

catholic haunting

2009-09-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

I'm considering my movements for next year.

I can stay in the cushion comfort easy job i'm in, or I can satisfy my spirit of adventure that is just begging to be set free.

A sweet opportunity came up this week. It is definitely an adventure. It would take a lot of guts. I tick all the boxes and just have to do an official application to score it. I wanted to make sure I was in a job where I can be serving a higher purpose than just doing what I get paid to do. I was keen for this job, especially when I realised it was based in the heart of a mission community. I almost tricked myself into thinking it must be the Christian community lifestyle I'm being called to...then I realised it was catholic. Shattered. The one religion I struggle with the most. I would rather throw myself into a job filled with Christian hating athiests instead of Catholics.

I know it sounds prejudice and nasty.. Not how I intend it to be. I'm actually terrified...but almost more driven to apply for this position because I've been praying for challenges and a job that will extend my skills, but more so, my faith. I've found that when you are in a position where you have to question your faith and justify why you choose to live it out, you grow deep roots.

a sequence of thoughts about a photograph

2009-09-08T03:31:00.000-07:00

I kept a picture of you
fuzzy edges
blurred colour across your hand
I took it and kept it
It makes me warm
And somewhat sad

do you know about this picture?
We took so many
Who would notice one gone?

The emotion breaks through the print
You were laughing - so much
It looks like tears
Sometimes I look at it and I see you crying
It gives me a strange unfamiliar comfort

I love this picture
the blurry out of focus darkness
It reminds me of the time I knew you were careless about what I thought

little love

2009-08-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

I know you are there
but I choose to ignore
because my little imagination
can't keep up anymore

le mar

2009-08-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

even i
-won't settle for less-
am a castle in your sand
here you come
you got that confidence now
let's skip the part
where we dig for more
change your tide
let me know for sure

my mother warned me about you

2009-08-24T03:14:00.000-07:00

you are the one she warned me about
her words, a tale of her own misfortune
just as her mother had said
her words told me nothing
her hold said it all

fully embraced by her
she warned me about you
beware of the one
who makes you want to feel

christianarchy

2009-08-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

Democratic, communist, dictatorship, capitalist, hippie freedom fighters, whatever... It hit my heart today that the laws and systems of this world fail no matter where they are or how they are executed or who by, because they are in the shadows of the devine law.

I was thinking about the hundreds of systems currently in place around the globe..the governing bodies that are there to create order, structure, justice and welfare..all of which fail and fall short of the demands of their people.

I always struggle at election time..hmm which one of the evils do I give my vote?! It seems no political party uphold the values that are important to me..or anyone.

Why? You would assume that with the multitude of leaders who have attempted such a task, we would have some answers by now as to how to govern a nation... Australia aren't doing too bad in my opinion, but that is in comparison to our neighbouring nations. However, if Australia were a stand alone case, I think I would say the system is a disgrace.

*disclaimer/ I know little or nothing about politics*

people are never quite satisfied with the bloke who is voted in to 'prime the country!' Why so? Well I'm going to break it down a bit, in my opinion. There are stacks of reasons why, but this is just one- a pretty important one!

I believe people are seeking someone or something to restore the damage done in the past from war, greed, racism, and injustice of any fabrication. People are looking for someone who will restore. I will say it again. Restore.

What is restoration? Look it up. Restore. Not 'cover up' or 'pay back' or 'make up for'...people need restoration, and that is why the issues of the past keep influencing their perspective on the goings on of today.

The only leader who can restore is God. If you seek restoration from anything other than God you will not be fully satisfied, rather settling for an imitation that has flaws and holes where pools of bitterness flow through.

Why am I saying this? Because it starts with you.. Not the leader of your nation.. It starts with you letting God govern you. Let Him restore.

I'm not saying that old Mr Rudd and co have no responsibility to acknowledge the past.. but God has the authority and the perfect design to restore our spirit - and He will, when we let Him govern our hearts.

What does it mean for your life to let God govern your heart...

Just a thought.

secreta

2009-08-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

A tale of mischief
I'd rather not know
But you proceed to share the details
Make me promise to keep it on the down-low

I hate that you've told me
I despise the moral downfall
There are rules made for keeping
But it seems you've forgotten them all!

Don't tell ANYONE!
Ok, ok, I won't.
Just spare me the details
If you think I wanna know more - I don't.

Now the beans are spilled
and word is out
I kept my promise
But paranoid, you doubt.

How dare you accuse me
Of 'having a big mouth'
While being loyal to you
I betrayed myself

I hate that you told me
I hate that I knew
I hate that I said nothing
...but I still forgive you.

emo

2009-08-14T00:44:00.000-07:00

Tonight i was chilling with some people i havent seen in ages, and some who i see all the time. We got chatting about blogs and it came up that a few of the people there read this blog. It's kind of strange knowing that people actually read what I crap on about, but cool too. So later in the evening a guy I know pretty well started talking to me about my poems on this blog. He said "you get pretty deep and personal and if I didn't know you well I would probably think you were some emo...Christian Emo'... Hmmm thanks? Ha..so now I'm blogging about that!

Well... It's funny, because I see my blog as the toned down version of my thoughts, and it's really quite a shallow representation of what I think about..because my thoughts are not for public reading when it comes to the deep ones. So, it was kind of strange hearing him say that I reveal a lot of deep stuff..but then he said 'I don't really know what you are talking about some of the time so I make up little stories and that is quite cool'..I liked that. My blog is one giant story (the poetry)... It all follows a theme and the story itself is quite a cool one. I love reading over my words because they represent the journey I've been on and I'm hoping you enjoy composing your own little stories to make some sense of it! It is like lyrics to a song that you don't really understand, but it means something to you - then you watch the film clip and suddenly you realise it means something different. I like lyrics best when they are my interpretation. So I won't explain my poems, I will let you interpret and think as you will.

women

2009-08-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

I am the inner strength,
the essence of this contender,
a sterling heart,
fragile and tender.

Feeding off love,
the fuel that burns,
an instinctual desire,
to invite the raging fire.

Built to withstand,
the blows and burns,
the stabs and strikes,
a welcome fight.

This part of me,
I did not know existed,
stands her ground when tempted,
shows her face, force and resistance.

The essence of woman,
the true hidden beauty,
is not the manicured perfection,
but her honour and duty,
to deny the imposters,
generous and misleading,
and stick with her promise,
to never stop believing.

The reason she fights,
waits and perseveres,
is not a call of the common,
but a choice her heart fears.

The essence of woman,
the meticulous art,
of protecting herself,
by hiding her heart.

nasty

2009-08-06T04:23:00.000-07:00

So tonight my ladies team played basketball, as usual for a Thursday evening. I have always prefered mixed team sports instead of all girls because of one reason - boys seem to play competitive but fair, whereas girls are just rude and bitchy, especially tonight.

These girls were something else.. I could tell from the start it was going to be a bad game but kept my cool and just went with it, until the ref started egging on the other team. Loser. His comments stirred up the girls enough to start taking it all a bit too seriously and before I knew it I was copping a ball to the face because one girl got a bit too into it. I was just playing the game! Nasty. Now I'm sporting a healthy shiner.

I don't get angry very often - never enough to actually show how I'm feeling. I'm that girl who goes silent and walks away from it. I stew over it for long enough to realise it's not worth stewing over, and then it's all over and done with. Refresh. Move on... But tonight I am left with such a bitterness towards the ref (not so much the girls), because he was so unfair and quite cruel. Do I speak up to the organisers? It bothers me that he works there and is meant to be the one moderating the game, but instead he is stirring up anger.. Hmmm I'm not usually one to 'complain' or write letters or make a fuss..but maybe I should.

tried

2009-08-05T03:57:00.000-07:00

loaded words that struck my core
I tried to shut them out
but bullet by bullet they sank my soul
until mercy stood up for her encore

flat on the slats
my time has come
to bare a beating of guilt and shame
mercy oh mercy show your face
let the onlookers stand to applause

the rope is tight
the hand is ticking
one more bullet is sure to kill
but mercy can only save so much
she needs a saviour, one that will.

caught myself again

2009-08-04T05:17:00.000-07:00

too easy to cave that way
when the lids don't open and the child won't play
so suddenly the shutters draw
when the drag is too strong and heart no anchor
caught myself again in time
a moment longer and this cruel knot would not have space to unwind

in the desperate days now
when I find myself this way
with nothing to cling to
no tracks left to trace

thank you for waiting
my saviour, my truth
because this constant debating
somehow leads me back to you

the sacred soul
I will never comprehend
how I can let my life be so low
but in the distant times
you are my closest friend

being driven

2009-08-04T01:50:00.000-07:00

I was at a thing my school do each week where one person gets up and does a little devo thing for the town. This was a few weeks ago - and it was the founder of the organisation who was doing the devo on this specific day.

I won't mention the name of the guy or the organisation, but let's just say that to most people involved with the place, this guy is pretty much their god. It's sad to say that, because I'm sure he doesn't actually want to be looked upon as 'the almighty leader' and I'm positive he is a pretty sweet genuine bloke who has done some amazing things...but... He is no different in ranking to you or I.

So...in saying that. I would now like to crap on about what he spoke about all those weeks ago.

His devotion was called 'being driven' and his posing question was 'what happens to you when you become driven?'.

Now...in my mind I was thinking that being driven was a good thing...and I actually think that he started out thinking that too, until people started saying stuff like 'I get quite selfish when I'm driven', and 'I become authoritive when I'm driven and people don't appreciate that'..

I sat there thinking that maybe my view on 'being driven' is completely different to theirs..

Mr speaker continued his devo and began highlighting all the bad things about being driven and concluded that it is best to remain with a focus of helping others and being hospitible to others needs.

Hmmmm... Now here's what I think about being driven.

We are like cars.

If you aren't moving anywhere, you can't be steered. So it is better to get those wheels moving and be heading towards something even if you don't know what it is yet.

And in regards to the whole 'focus on helping others and being hospitible to others needs' - yes, do... but... you might just be ripping off yourself and the world if you don't let yourself be driven by Gods amazing plans that NO ONE can match with their own. So...you have more purpose (I believe) than following around some guy who thinks he needs you to devote yourself to achieving the things he is driven to do.

Just a thought.

ladies size nine

2009-08-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

Someone is playing a cruel joke on all the women in launceston with size nine shoes. A pair of joggers shouldn't be hard to find in size nine-but aparently the only pair left in the world (k-mart) is missing the left shoe. Fantastic. I thought I struck gold when I found cathy freeman spunky looking green joggers in size nine...but without the left shoe it was a bit of a rip off..so I settled for a pair of mens, fun. Probably should invest in some proper ones next time.

In other news- my brother turned 18 this weekend so we had a Baxter bash and had the whole family under the one roof for the first time in a while. Spent a day with all my bros and sisters and their partners (6 kids in the family in total)..interesting being the only single, felt a bit out of it all, as you do. It was a bit of a stab in the guts to realise that everyone is growing up and taking the 'appropriate steps' to securing a good future...and here I am living with mates, no savings, no long term plans, no house that I'm renovating...no recent business ventures...some would say I'm the black sheep, but I say I'm normal...but it would be a lie to say it didn't upset me a little. It's times like these when I could easily become too distracted by what the structures of this world say that I need... or I could take this as another reason to focus on what I know is true and worth waiting for..I think I'll take that option!

So it was lovely seeing my family, and I was so pleased to see my little bro celebrating with his friends, it's something quite special for an older sister to see her brother grow up into a man she respects a lot... I love that guy :)

The flu was gross but it's all gone now! Yay!

And finally - I bumped into a friend of mine in town on the weekend and he had just been to the dentist...people with numb mouths sound funny.

That's all folks!
Corrie.

swine

2009-07-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

I'm having a day off work today because last night I had a horrible fever and had some pretty wacked dreams that kept me awake all night, along with coughing and such.

Yesterday I was feeling sick but went to work anyway because I didn't have a fever or anything. I had a total of ONE student turn up for class. The rest all called in sick with fevers and aches. Fantastic. We had a couple of cases of swine flu in the small town where my school is, but they were isolated and we thought we escaped it infecting the town... Perhaps not? I'm kind of hoping it is swine so that I'm done and dusted with it.

My principal called today to tell me that there were no students at school today. Everyone has been hit by it, probably good that it happens all at once!

In other news... I have my phone back :-) its funny how much I rely on it without even realising. It was quite nice not having it for the week, but very frustrating too.

Consider yourself updated.

weak words

2009-07-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

dont say it
dont write it
dont imply it
dont hint it

dont come out, I'm not dressed to play
dont trouble me with it
if you will just take it all away

the words are weak
the tone is deep
the timing is out
the mouth dry like drought

dont trouble me with it
if you will just take it away someday
because I hold tight to the notion
that you mean every word you say

Justice vs Payback

2009-07-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

A post about justice.. and the way the world seems to understand the word.

This morning i found myself reading articles about a 6wk old puppy named 'Buckley' who was found in a school yard in VIC earlier this month with his ears and tail hacked off. A 32 year old man was charged and is now spending time in a rehabilitation unit for an undetermined amount of time.

Ive never really looked into animal cruelty - never really experienced anything that spurred me to. I used to live with a vegan who was dead set against any form of cruelty.. which is probably what most people would claim as their stance. She was pretty extreme - but had a different understanding of justice compared to those who have posted their opinions about the recent puppy attack.

While reading through some comments that were posted online I began to feel a real sense of evil at work. Here are some comments posted on a forum about the puppy

Moresio:
"If he is allowed to live, one day he might try it on humans. For all the 'Do Gooders' out there that think this person should be rehabilitated, i hope he tries it on you or your kids. He should be killed to avoid another occurance of this type of behaviour. Amen."

Selitti:
"There is NO excuse for that bastard did to poor Buckley, If i had my way i would cut his Ears and Testicles and see how he feels"

Dunk:
"hand the gutless 32 year old over to me ... i'll show him what pain really feels like .... he'll wish he had the death penalty when i've finished with him .... the same goes to anyone that harms an animal ....."

Terrence:
"why put em in prison........just shoot the basteds and free up the system ??"

Singh:
"The fucken prick that did this should be killed how would he like it if i cut his ears, dick,balls off and let him bleed and let him feel the pain he is a sick person , who needs help people like him should be killed .some people are fucked in the head."

Marquis:
"I think people who have this stuff in their right mind, should be punished with what they did to the victim then strung out in the desert to die slowly! Obviously put on you tube so all can see and laugh!"

I could post thousands.. literally. Reading through all the comments there was probably 1 in every 100 that didn't suggest hurting/killing the guy who did this. I spent a few hours reading these because I became so intrigued with the way people view justice. It seems the word justice = payback.

This makes me really sad. Justice is something that is talked about more in the bible than most other things that Christians focus on. It is so sad to have lost the true meaning and essence of the word.

The comments that upset me the most are the ones that acknowledge this guy has something wrong with him, but then proceed to suggest he should be killed because of it. I don't know about you, but this gives me the chills and it is something we need to start educating people about.. not in a 'come to a lecture and hear what I have to say about justice' way.. more of a live it out and show grace and mercy and compassion in the little things as well as the big things in our lives that show the true essence of justice.

Godbumps

2009-07-22T01:32:00.000-07:00

There are 3 things that give me goosebumps and send shivers (good ones) right through me.

1. Spiritual moments of amazement
2. Seeing people achieve
3. Music

It is a physical reaction in my body that I can't control, and it actually feels quite uncomfortable - but in a way its pretty rad too. It happens quite often in the job that I am in.. I see students 'click' with certain concepts and achieve goals most days, which is cool. I listen to music constantly, and would consider myself to be quite in touch with my spirituality- so, I get the shivers quite regularly..but each time it is still a weird feeling and hasn't become normal just yet!

I have lots of favourite songs.. a new one each day.. and people often tell me that I always say "this is my favourite song"... hmmm I think I have quite a few that I would find it hard to choose between if I had to decide on a favourite.

There are lots of aspects of a good song that I love... but recently it has been the lyrics that grab me more than the quality or talent of the music itself.

This is the chorus of one of my favourite songs...

"The closer I come to you

the closer I am to finding God

You're a miracle to me"

-Cadence by Anberlin-

I don't really get what the song is about because looking at the lyrics it could be about a chicky or a daughter or a few other possibilities..perhaps not even about a person.. but I love it because I know there are definitely a few people in my life who have this effect on me... one in particular.. it seems the closer we become, the more I find God - and not just mushy fluffy good stuff.. I mean the more I am challenged to love certain people, the more I am also challenged to love that they are one of God's own.. its a rather interesting journey!

So.. in saying that.. I realised today (mid-rant about how annoyed I am about something) that these times are actually a blessing and perhaps they are a little miracle at work in me.

in the alone times

2009-07-21T01:14:00.000-07:00

hidden in the pillowslips are the words she set free
buried in the fabric lay her tears - a stream
a fallen tear at night, leaving no tracks
her hollow cry to the stitches
the ones who don't talk back

When An Athiest Promises God

2009-07-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

it is as though his heart is purpose built
to withstand the piercing strikes of resounding guilt
infront of her eyes he disguises his hesitation
but my eyes saw past those of the content congregation
why would he stumble on words of a promise and cease
if he has no faith, no conviction to believe
in the moment he lacked confidence to maintain his stance
i saw his heart rip, a strike to counter the balance

reflecting

2009-07-17T01:54:00.000-07:00

On my way to work this morning I was thinking and reflecting on recent events/feelings/choices and my mind was chucking a psycho. I couldn't focus and think without all these crazy thoughts popping in and out and clouding my mind. I gave up on the reflecting and just turned up the tunes and enjoyed a nice drive to work.

On my way home from work I drove past a lake that I drive past every day - today it took my breath away! It was SO still and clear and it was a perfect mirror reflecting the gorgeous mountains and blue sky that surrounds the valley I drive through. It was amazing - literally stunning. I started thinking about this - I see that lake every day, and I see the mountains and the surroundings twice a day, every day.. but Ive never been stunned by it.. until I saw it reflected in the lake in the most perfect way..

I thought about life - and my attempt to reflect earlier in the day... and I came to the conclusion that life is like a lake. Go figure.

Basically - we can't understand what happens in life, and we cant reflect and see things as they are unless we be still, clear our mind of all the pond gunk, and just let our thoughts see our circumstances like a still lake sees the world.

time will pass

2009-07-15T05:45:00.000-07:00

Time will pass and I won't think of you anymore

A sad thought

My eyes will find brighter lights to see and I won't look for you anymore

A distant picture

Plans and dreams will take over my focus and I won't rely on you anymore

A freedom I need

Louder voices will interfere with your words and I won't hear you anymore

A waste of good ground

I will look to others to share my deepest thoughts and talk only the surface with you, my friend

A rich relationship come to an end

I will run from you and not chase after you anymore

Because I would rather trip over my own feet than tread on yours

We will forget each step that got us here and remember the ones that pushed us away

a shame, a waste, a lesson learnt
- heart that's left taught, but burnt-

empty half gone

2009-07-14T05:52:00.000-07:00

When you wake up with a melody on your breath, a beat in your soul, and a rhythm in your step - you have found your song.

Today I got back from 'music camp'. I took my students to a little camp site out in the middle of some mountain ranges in Tasmania. The site is right down in a valley, soooo cold and wet.. We spent a lot of our time inside by the fire learning new instruments and jamming. It was tiring, but sweet. At one point we decided to climb up one of the mountains (not the whole way!) just high enough to get to the waterfall that was in full action - gorgeous. It was a fun treck... Slippery and scary and quite dangerous... But it made me realise how much I love that kind of thing. I'm considering doing a hike up one of tasmanias bigger tracks sometime soon. I think it could be quite an adventure.

Watching the students pick up new instruments and give them a go was an interesting experience... I think it's a lot like life... One girl picked up the flute and persevered with it for about 45 mins. She could get a sound out of it and was doing alright, but as soon as she picked up the sax she knew she was on the money! Some people are just naturally talented at some instruments.. Got the right physical make-up for it.. I was like that on sax, but had to teach myself how to sing and really practice hard at guitar... Not a natural at either of those, but with sax it took nothing for me to become quite good.

Life can be like that. We can persevere with something because we can do it if we work hard at it... But I believe we will exceed all our expectations when we find the path we are made to walk on... Not suggesting we won't need any practice!

fallen mans praise

2009-07-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

desperate
a heavy heart
confused but determined
wanting to hear from you
but not quite ready to talk
admiration - but frustrated with those who 'know the way' and 'what to say'
cut out the thoughts that push for an explanation
questioning purpose
asking for confirmation

when his mouth is empty of words
all he has are doubts and questions
he chooses to deny
but still fears to know
when he lets his heart rage
you should know -
this is a fallen mans praise

hard knock love

2009-07-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

In the words of katy perry

"you're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down... Blah blah bollocks blah blab"

I don't care too much for katy perry's musical whatever- apart from the fact that her songs are quite catchy and aren't too bad for jumping around the kitchen while cooking savoury scones.

Today I have been contemplating recent events and have realised that in this moment I am developing into who I am yet to become. I could get all bitter and narky about people when they aren't what I expected them to be - or I could accept that they too are on a journey and tomorrow will be slightly different than today (perhaps?).

Sometimes when it is your close friends it is harder to accept that fact, especially when I love them too much to stand by and see them not loving themselves.

Sam Cawthorn

2009-07-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year I was taking part in a leadership camp for young christians who want to be inspired to live their life in a way that inspires others, and particularly the young ones who attend their youth groups and camps. I was invited to run a workshop at the this camp and I enjoyed doing it, to the point where I became a bit inspired to continue teaching young adults and perhaps one day train in adult learning or something of some sort... but what really inspired me on this camp was a guy called Sam Cawthorn. He was the 'keynote speaker' of the camp and also considers himself a worldwide motivational speaker. You may have heard the story of Sam..

Sam was in a very nasty car accident a few years ago on the NW Coast of Tasmania. His story is amazing. I have been watching a few of his youtube clips and this one stuck out to me.

He says in one part "problems define you - if you dont have problems, get down on your knees and ask for some!"

Check it out - you might find yourself inspired :-)

If you want to check out his official website you can have a squiz here.

a call to persevere

2009-07-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

He who is able to keep me from falling and to present me before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore.

Jude 12:24

Great joy- he presents us before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy... Exactly what my heart needed to hear. What an amazing God. I often wonder about the way God is represented.. how many
Non-christians (and quite a large percentage of believers) would not think of God as someone who takes great joy in us.. Who longs for our presence with him because it brings him great joy.. It blows my mind just thinking about it.. seems like such a far off amazing ideal.. but it's as real as it gets.. amazing.

in between

2009-07-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

harsh words
ive heard them before
no offence to me
but my heart hit the floor

something so simple
such a complex reaction
I knew it, I guess
I just never adapted

I did it again
ridiculous mistake
time taught me nothing
feelings a fake

but it wasn't just me this time
others saw it too!
encouragement is not guaranteed good
the current state of my heart is proof.

content

2009-07-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

How is it that I can be content in my situation, and have things in my life that make me happy- but still not be satisfied?

I've been sitting in coles carpark eating a banana and some rice crackers in my car. While I've been chillin I've been observing and pondering and questioning and confusing myself.

People walking past me (I assume are husband in wife) not saying a word to each other, just plodding along into the supermarket to do the groceries just like every other time. Routine - something my life lacks a little, but I like it that way.

Today in the docs surgery the ladies behind the counter all had little black suits on and their hair all primmed and proper and their fingers were laced with a million different gold rings with big chunky stones sticking out of them. Their lips all had plum lippy perfectly applied and their nails were all long and painted the frenchy style. As I walked up to the counter one lady looked at me expectantly, and I looked back at her also expectantly... When did people stop asking how your day is and how they can help you? So I smiled and waited for her to ask.. It took an awkward moment or two but eventually she said "is there anything I can do for you?"..

Are people becoming a little numb?

I remember going to maccas a few years ago and there was a young chubby blonde girl working there, obviously her first day. She was bright and bubbly and so willing to help out as much as she could.. Not sure if she was just trying to impress her new boss or not but I felt like she genuinely wanted to serve me my cheeseburger.. Not something that's too common these days! A few weeks later I was at the same store ordering some deep fried health and that same girl was there doing her thing. It made me sad because it only took a couple of weeks for this young bright bubbly girl to lose the eye contact, the smile, the tone, and the evident attitude of a willing servant. It had numbed her.

So in conclusion to this random rant, I want to protect myself from ever becoming numb to my surroundings. I like my job because it keeps me actively thinking all the time and I get to be creative.. but one day I might get sick of that job..so I will try somethng else.. Who knows!

Bring on the randomness and bring on the journey.

a song I like

2009-07-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

We all get burnt sometimes
Lately I've had mine
Starts off in your mind
Runs right down your spine

Cracks all start to show
Sooner than you know

We all get taken in
By dreams we'll never be in
Problems that we face
Soon will be replaced

You're looking for something
You already know
I'm down upon my knees
I see you're ready to fall

acrostic crapè

2009-07-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

Beyond the Physical

Priorities clash with pleasures
Reasoning gets shot
Obscure desire to temp fate
My insecurities forsake my fighting will
Indecent excuse
Something the 'old man' would say
Even still, I let it be said.

I will keep - this promise - is kept

Wanting to skip the faith part
It could just be an esteem crank
Lies from the inside
Love a fake

Keeping it is the easy part
Every step just follows the other
Envy those who don't need to
Promise to believe in and trust in another.

mr squiggle

2009-06-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

I believe god is a little bit like mr squiggle.. so often we give him a mess of little scribbles we started drawing and he turns them into a masterpiece.. Even if that means turning them upside down!

rainbow

2009-06-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

The booklet asked me
if my reward is strong
enough to keep me
on track.

goal

I laugh
in the face of the booklet
assuming I'm just another hopeful
girl who is temporary in her task

results

I fight
A battle
Everyday

No 'reward' can maintain that spirit
But your promise does

halfway to forth

2009-06-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to my local bar for a chill session with my housemate after a long and tiring last week of term.

When we got there we were stoked to see that a band from the coast, Halfway To Forth were playing. I first heard of these guys a year or two ago when I walked past them playing on the side of the road in a town called Penguin. The band is made up of two brothers, dan and kyle. Dan exchanges between a snare, tambour, and stomp pad setup, and guitar, along with mostly lead vocals. Kyle also has a great voice along with the skills of guitar and banjo. These brothers are pretty amazing musicians, and together they compliment each other creating what I would say is blues and roots awesomeness.

I love going to my local because it is always laid back and the crowd is 80% regulars with the other 15% backpackers and 5% drop-ins. It's always a good vibe- but last night was something else. Everyone was grooving to the sounds and loving the mix of covers and originals. At one point a guy called Zac Lister jumped up and whipped out an amazing cover of Billie Jean. That was a treat! Zac Lister was a bit of a musical legend in launceston over the past 4 years. I believe he has relocated to Melbourne and is playing in a three piece there. I could be wrong?..

Anyway, next time you are in the mood for some good live tunes, hit up the Halfway to Forth myspace page and get amongst the madness.

obviously

2009-06-25T03:01:00.000-07:00

sometimes we dance around it
you think i tip-toe
i think you beat around it
but we both know

obviously - we just haven't found it.

mr not-so-perfect

2009-06-22T05:33:00.000-07:00

A part of me sees that side of you,
the shallow and selfish traits.
The rest of me sees the heart of you,
the selfless, faithful man.
A part of me likes that side of you,
it gives an unlawful right to judge.
I only hope that part in you sees the rest of me,
because my judgement I don't trust.

old man

2009-06-21T08:01:00.001-07:00

Hope became a stranger when the old man became a friend.

hold

2009-06-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

I will never understand how one conversation has had the power to completely take hold of me and change the course of my thoughts for years gone by and I'm sure years to come. I want so desperately to forget it, but more desperately to believe it.

At what point do you accept defeat and walk away from what you believed was right for so long?

Perhaps the day that it all seems so final, but I've been here before, and that day lasts but a moment in the grand picture.

And here I am again.

kwit

2009-06-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

Hollow thoughts repeating themselves
No substance
Distraction

Jealous heart denying itself
No mercy
Distraction

Dangerous words revealing themselves
No reason
Distraction

Hatred fire consuming myself
No right
No place
No need
No life.

even the beautiful

2009-06-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

Even the beautiful are scared
To let their skin feel the breeze
Cover me now
Before it's revealed
Mask my intentions and limit my words
They can't know I'm just a child

morning tea

2009-06-18T18:33:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me today that no matter what walk of life, or financial situation, or family circumstance, or religion, or career, or status- we all have desires and needs that nothing in this physical world can satisfy.

feel

2009-06-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

We can't touch them - but they touch us.

We can't control them - but they can control us.

They don't have an off switch - but they have the power to completely shut us down.

You can feel without acting, but you can't act without feeling.

Feelings change you, but it is often so hard to change a feeling.

You can't sell them
You can't walk away from them
You can't offload them without creating more in the process
You can't ignore them
You can't get plastic surgery on them
You can't adopt them out
You can't buy them
Cheap imitations don't last long

I like it that way. Sometimes.

for the now

2009-06-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

I was young
He stood still
We talked about fear
On my doorstep
Literally

I was waiting
He was talking
We were growing
He was moving

I was vulnerable
He was firm
We shared and laughed
His words have stuck

Time has passed
In no time at all
I know I'm still waiting
Unfortunate fool

My Escapade

2009-06-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

I love music.

I also love it when good musicians come together and create a unique sound that represents a deep love for their art. A band called My Escapade have done exactly that! I strongly recommend you check them out. They have just posted their new video on this website

http://www.channelv.com.au/v/channelu/?ucode=U1266

If you like their video you can vote for it to be featured on Channel [V].

If you want to check out more of their tunes you can visit their myspace by clicking here.

Anyhow - I really dig their tunes.

guilty as sin

2009-06-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

she's tried to rewind
unbutton and untie
a battle with greed
no sinner could deny

her thoughts riddled with guilt
a heavy mistake
retreating to her knees
bowing at his gates

she looks up to see
he casts no eye down on her
too close from far
so far from there

her soul lies shattered
his body once broken
give these words justice
live them as spoken

her sin a reminder
to live a sacrifice
because his gift was death
and his death equals life

adorable

2009-06-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

I have some pretty crazy characters in my class.. they come up with some funny things that make me laugh.

Today a grade 6 boy made an honest mistake and introduced his creative writing story called 'The Adorable Snowman'.. It made his story awesome - all throughout his story the abominable snowman was referred to as the adorable snowman.. quite an unintentional comedic piece of writing!

There is another older boy who is constantly in my personal space - and today I asked (in a very polite, caring, and loving manner) to back off and stop getting all up in my grill!
His response was
"But I like your personal space - I like being in it"

And my personal favourite ***tune out now if easily offended***

The little legends in my class get all rugged up with hats and scarfs at this time of the year. The boys are quite loosely romantic and are always coming up with 'awesome' pick up lines and such.. recently there has been a bit of flirting going on and today is was 'scarf-based flirtatious activities' ... at one point one of the grade 7 girls tugged on the scarf of a grade 8 boy and pulled him in close to her face and pretended to kiss him.. the class erupted in fits of laughter and she was suddenly the coolest chick out there for coming up with such a smooth move... but the line that followed her smooth move is what made me almost lose it!

"When I grow up im going to tug a boy and then kiss him!"

terrible. but i had to laugh.

skin deep

2009-06-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

stretched like leather
worn and tired
holding all the life inside

tainted and dry
semi-precious and dated
this is what time has long created

inject!
inject!
you cannot be seen
strip back all the rust and see me as clean

i stand beside you
not touched or held
night cast its shadow
and time cast his spell

come in close so you can be heard
whisper - i feel your breath
no need to hear each word

temple

2009-06-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

If today tells me this
that tomorrow is uncertain
it brings no new revelation
just another confirmation

That this moment is all
is the only proof we go on
because the future is but an ideal
for only this moment is real

If my body fails me
it gives my spirit strength
to hope for the ideal
with a purpose now I find
a reason to pray and trust and depend
because today is soon tomorrow
and tomorrow soon the end.

my eye view

2009-06-09T01:26:00.000-07:00

I made a promise
Perhaps too soon
But I will follow it through
Trusting in you

I made a promise
We made it mine
A daily reminder
To let loose with time

I keep this promise
In secret I know why
But my pride takes face
And the promise is replaced

With a cover so superficial
Everyone is proud
Pride for pride
The true promise inside

Hidden from whispers
Gossip and lies
This promise is sacred
Behind those eyes.

thankful

2009-06-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

Let me start with this: I am not going to be able to justify my feelings in words.. but I will try!

Today I felt joy - not just happiness... but joy. Last night I was visiting friends in B-Town and got a text from my dad telling me he got a full time job.

I believe god had this all sorted. While dad was in the running for this Egypt job, I was praying for my family..that they would be together..even if that meant Egypt.

Dad went for this job not knowing where it was or what it was really about.. Turns out it is in our home town and he is perfectly trained for the position. He started full time on Friday.

The significance of this is that 11 months ago my 64 yr old dad was going to a have a job interview (he retired but decided he wanted to go back to work). The day before his interview he fell and broke his leg quite badly and life changed for him from that day on. He couldn't do anything for himself anymore and has only recently been able to put shoes on again.

This job is a massive thing for him and I could not be more thankful for my god and his amazing ways.. even though dad doesn't know it yet.

XxX Corrie

alright with me

2009-06-04T06:53:00.001-07:00

I love to see you speak
Your words, muddled as they may be..
Say them loud and make it yours
You make perfect sense to me.

I love to hear your song
No need for a score or melody
The lyrics are your life
-Rise and fall of your talk-
As you share I am chased
As you trust i am caught

Capture me again
I love it when you do
When all the other voices cease
And all I hear is you

your face is

2009-06-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

Facebook.

It's rubbish.

I love that I can go on there and catch up with peeps from all over the place, particularly when my friends are all off traveling or getting hitched or having kids and other exciting things. It's great for that - but rubbish when people use it to cure boredom and post all their worries and opinions as status updates.

There is one girl who I used to get along with well. She's now married and living abroad. Her status is changed twice daily at least and is ALWAYS stating an opinion about someone or something. It sucks because I know she is so much deeper than her online character represents her to be. She comes across as a racist, ditzy, complaining, stuck up, spoilt, self obsessed, rich girl... But that's not at all what she is when you get her in the flesh for a chat! It's crazy- and- her pictures are all of her wide eyed, brows raised, perfect Hollywood smile rubbish... Makes her look like an idiot to me. Grrr. I often wonder if my online identity is representing me as a much different person to what I really am.

Dont get me wrong - I'm all for the looking your best in pics... But not when you start looking like a goldfish out of water who has just heard Andrew O'Keef call your name to play for 2 million big ones. No... That's when you stop looking good and start to look like an idiot.

skewer.. or?

2009-06-01T03:38:00.000-07:00

Last week i was in the local souvlaki place ordering a damn fine chicken souvi to go. As i waited for the two old ducks to prepare my meal I had a little listen to their conversation that could be heard by anyone passing by two blocks away. The older lady (late 50s) was obviously greek, and i assume she runs the place.. the younger one (late 30s) perhaps a daughter?.. just guessing.. but they seemed to know a lot about each other.

Now - to get the full effect.. imagine a greek accent tainted with a Tasmanian twang for Older Lady, and your typical cliche thick Taswegian accent for the Younger Mullet Lady.

Older Lady: When's young Steven going to introduce you to that girl whos been hanging around?

Younger Mullet Lady: Ahh he's taking her to the school dinner sooo...

Older Lady: Awww he'd like that!

Younger Mullet Lady: Aww yeah, like christmas on a stick!

Need I say more?...

its official

2009-05-31T04:34:00.000-07:00

So it is finally official... i am in love... about a year ago i discovered a band who have been around for about 3 years, called Starsailor. I posted a thing about them on this blog but I dont think it was very insightful.. just mentioning that I liked their stuff.. so since then I have been getting more and more into them and with their recent release I have come to the conclusion that they are probably my favourite band out there at this point in time. I don't usually have favourites.. but always have one band that I am getting into at any one point in time.

Its funny because they haven't really made it in Australia, but in the UK they are all the rave. Australian music lovers are usually all over the UK scene, but this band seem to have slipped through without much notice.. and Im kinda glad because it means no overkill on the radio etc.. but.. i am not one to be greedy.. so I share around the good music that I stumble across.. and these guys are definitely worth checking out if you are up for some melodic rock with smooth sounds of Tim Buckley inspired vocals. James Walsh (vocals) has such a unique sound.. I absolutely love it. Anyhow, enough of me carrying on about them.. now its in your court.. check them out and let me know your thoughts :-)

She Just Wept

2009-05-31T03:54:00.000-07:00

She just wept
Like I could not ignore
How can I act
When my heart's on the floor?

She just wept
'Til her eyes became sore
I knew who she was
But I don't anymore

She just cried
To the ruins of time
That kept us apart
We were doing just fine

She just wept
She was put to the test
Those that she loved
She had learned to detest

Daddy I've got nothing left
My life is good
My love's a mess

netiquette

2009-05-28T04:10:00.000-07:00

Work has been quite interesting lately. I'm loving my job- but getting quite passionate about things to come. It seems that being content, happy, challenged but comfortable, and satisfied is not enough... I still know there is more to come and although this is a great little job I've landed, there is more!

I am having to do a bit of a self edit and moral check in recent times.. It seems that my values and beliefs don't quite line up with those of the organisation I work in.. or perhaps they do line up but the process of embracing those beliefs and values doesn't line up with how I personally choose to live them out. I'm finding myself getting a bit high and mighty about it all and thinking I'm right and they are mislead- but I am just as failable as the next man. So- I am having a bit of an inner battle between my morals and my work ethic.. And then there is the whole "there is more" thing.

It's such a bizarre circumstance to be completely satisfied with my job, loving the people and the position and everything about it... But still wanting that something more.

I love the challenges I'm facing re the values and morals because when you have to fight for your beliefs you really have to be sure of them and that takes a lot of self editing and reality checks.. So I live for those opportunities to extend my faith and need to call on god for his wisdom and grace and such. I live for those moments.

I guess this post is an unorganised, unedited, ramble about my life and where it's at.

Consider yourself updated, loved, missed, and lucky to read such a damn sexy blog.

Corrie x

kosher

2009-05-23T23:14:00.000-07:00

where I stand
and how I say this
-its just not kosher-

defying the rules of society
we make our own and that's alright with me
b
u
t
-its just not kosher-

they whisper their secrets of their desire to be with you
suggesting they are the only ones who really do
I nod and smile, but all the while
-its just not kosher-

how dare they try to make that claim
when the secrets I hear are all the same

you're a gift to this world
but a bastard to love
because every eye you've looked into
thinks there's something there to continue...

...and then there's me.
the most foolish of them all
if I couldn't run to you, I'd damn well get down and crawl

and you like it that way
or so it seems
because when I finally shut you out
you're back; pursuing my dreams

I will keep denying it until this ridiculous idea is over
because someone like you with someone like me...?!
Its just not kosher.

for me to be

2009-05-18T05:47:00.000-07:00

The somersaults take my breath away
Each time I'm unprepared
A tiny cage of emotion- i won't let it out!
But it has it's way of letting me know it's there

It turns me weak
To hear your words -reverberating
Echoing through my thoughts
Addictive, cliché and simply ridiculous
But it is there, I can't ignore it

Please leave me alone
I don't want to feel
I'd rather reason- and reason says 'no'.
But what say have I got?
I've been 'saying' for years
It's got me nowhere-it's time to stop

So I'll wait
And hope
And trust
And try
To kill the gymnast inside my tummy
But I will probably wait
Wait just as before
Until I realise you are waiting for me
To be the one you are waiting for.

still

2009-05-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

there is no time
where the maker rests
but still, he waits for me
no tick of the clock
no start nor finish
but still, not a second to waste

there is no grudge
where the maker rests
but still, he knows my heart
I deserve nothing from him
no blessing nor glory
but still, his grace prevails

there is no language
where the maker rests
but still, he speaks to me
with words of fire
not written nor spoken
but still, his words I receive

there are no tears
where the maker rests
but still, he weeps for me
when I am too proud to cry out
not intentional nor planned
but still, he intentionally plans for me

lub da nilla

2009-05-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

Yo Foolio.

This is what happens when I take a day off work.

Introducing.. Mo' Flava.

Mo' Flava is dooooown wit da lingo ya'll... he's in da hood ta learn ya'll a thang or two..

iron curtain

2009-05-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

It is my new endeavour to learn Romanian... Next time you see me I will be speaking it like a local.

break that

2009-05-05T01:44:00.000-07:00

when she is your treasure
you will find her,
in the same place you found change.

seeking out counterfeits
do you desire to pursue your faults?
temping, not true
but something all the same.

lose your preconceived ideas
and you may just find the you that got lost.

mood ring please

2009-04-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

You know, its strange. In the past few weeks ALL i have been able to think about is how true God's love is.. I have felt overwhelmed by His presence in my life recently, and it has been quite the journey. I sound so cliche saying this - but as someone once pointed out to me - some things just are cliche, because they are... and that's the way it is (I really need to get over the whole issue of sounding cliche - but in this case I just feel like my words aren't justifying what I mean).

So anyway, if you have been a reader of my blog for some time now you will know I have had quite an emotional (would prefer a different word, but I guess thats what it is) journey over the last few years (not that I have written much about it).

I caught up with a friend tonight and we got talking about deep stuff, and I was suddenly reminded of how much I have grown in this last year. It was about June last year that I had my last depressive episode, and it was probably the worst one out of the lot. I'm not denying that I have had my bad days since then, but I know the difference between a bad time and depression. So - anyway, my friend kept talking and it was all fine and dandy, he went on for about 2 hours as per usual and I listened and thought and didn't really say much as per usual..but during this time I felt God reminding me of those dark times I've been through and really pulling at my heart, telling me I was stronger now and that those days have brought me to these days.

When we finished our drink and chat we got up, had a cuddle, and said our goodbyes. Straight away my phone rang. I looked at it and saw that it was someone I wasn't too keen on talking to so I ignored it. They called back. I felt bad and answered it, and much to my disappointment they had called to remind me of something I wasn't too keen on being reminded about! It didn't take me any longer than 3 seconds to feel that horrible sinking feeling - the one that makes me lose any real sense of being reasonable and sends me into a bit of a stress. One thing I can't stand about myself is that when I know I have let someone down I beat myself up about it big time and that sends me into a stress and stress shows itself in the form of anger (yes, it took me a while to work this out)... and then it doesn't take long for the anger to turn on itself and I begin to feel hatred towards myself and as you can imagine this is not a good process.

So.. why am I sharing this on a public blog? Well... yes, I am slightly crazy but the real reason I guess is because my biggest problem is being ashamed of feeling like this, and thinking that I'm not normal for feeling like this, and so I hold it in and then it overloads and I go into a shutdown and before I know it I don't even know I'm in too deep.

The poem I posted before this (which I actually have decided I don't like, but will leave there for sake of well, nothing) is a bit of a reflection about where I see God in all this. I have been so close and personal with God recently, and I know He has been preparing me for...something.. not sure what.. but something. This is the point I seem to have reached in my whole journey of faith so far. I get to the fired up and madly in love with God and seeking His kingdom every minute of the day and talking to Him constantly.. and then something comes along that turns me against myself and I lose all sight of the kingdom, and I lose myself to the ugly feelings. I am determined not to let this happen this time. I know I am going to regret posting this because it reveals a little bit too much about me - but now is not the time for hiding.

forecast: gloomy.

2009-04-30T04:45:00.001-07:00

I see a pattern emerging
He is consistent, yet unpredictable.
He loves loves loves - till I overflow
This trend is becoming typical.

My mind cannot comprehend
That part of me has a will of its own.
It beckons for more
Feeding - preparing for the unknown.

In the moment I am fueled
Anticipating fire
I tease the flame -
- a dangerous game
Begging to be ignited.

I always know it is His way of forecast
He tells me in His own cryptic style.
My heart hears His words - my head refuses to listen
I should have learnt by now, but this could take a while.

widower

2009-04-28T03:34:00.000-07:00

departure of the cruelest kind
a lingering affliction
impending sorrow
he aches for her misfortune
wanting to ease her discomfort
with the touch of his sturdy hand to hers - frail.

emptiness

there she lies, depleted.
the wrinkles across her eyelids tell the stories of her years
thin, fragile, worn and tired
clay - the vessel for her soul

all
that
is
left

he weeps for her tragedy
how she deserved to live it full
overwhelmed by anguish and confusion
why her?

he turns to god in skepticism
how he could bare to see her ill?
he let her die a heinous death
did he filter out our prayers?

his eyes are dry
but his spirit is drenched
weeping for you, his child
let him fill you, recharge, you have a battle to fight
but may you know she rests well
and with god, you need not be polite.

...

2009-04-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

to live that life
what it must be like
to learn to love
but not too close
to know the only ones who wont
are the ones who have

another rant

2009-04-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

I am just amazed at the ways God has chosen to protect me throughout my life. One of the ways I honestly believe he has protected me is by making me cynical.

This weekend I was on a leadership training camp thingy and I'm pretty sure I spoke up a bit too much and perhaps offended people who live in a smug little world of their own. I'm SURE these people don't actually believe what they are regurgitating, but are just so used to saying what pleases others and are stuck in that cycle of spewing out words that they have said a million times before just because they sound right... I'm positive these guys haven't actually thought about it - if they have I am quite sad.

I'm talking about young people who are trying so damn hard to fit in with what is the 'right' thing to do...and then older people not wanting to face facts that these young dudes are just copying what they do.. instead of having a conviction and actually believing what they are saying. I think I stepped on a few toes when I shoved a bit of reality into their thoughts this weekend.

At one point all of the senior leaders got together (about 10 of us) and we were chatting about what steps to take as far as programming and such. **I should mention - this is a leadership training camp that trains youth as cabin leaders on a christian camp for kids**. So we got talking, and a few people mentioned that 'devotion time' was good at night time for girls because it calmed them down and made them sleepy...and the boys said that it just didn't work at night for the guys because it almost had the opposite effect, with boys wanting to stay up late all night chatting. This began to frustrate me. The girls were crapping on about how effective it is blah blah blah and all I could think about was how INEFFECTIVE it was! Reality check - is the purpose of devotion time to 'calm them down so they get all sleepy and go to bed'?? And isn't it a good thing that the boys want to chat lots about it?

I probably got a bit carried away when I voiced my opinion - but seriously.. I think the idea of devotion time is crap if it isn't reflected over the entire course of the camp anyway. We shouldn't sit down in a group and flick a switch in us that says 'now we are going to be spiritual and holy and such'.. ugh. So I had my rant and they all looked at me like stunned mullets.

I don't do camps much these days - well.. sort of.. I go there as support staff to encourage leaders but that's about it. I used to have such a passion for camps (the kids) - but now I am finding myself passionate about the older ones.. the teens.. who are leading the kids.

Its funny - I did a workshop at this leadership training. As I was preparing for the workshop I really felt like I had nothing to offer - until I got up there and started going for it and all of a sudden I felt passion and I was literally saying things I had never considered before and the lights were coming on in the eyes of these youth. I just think its cool to feel passion.

I'm one of those people who is pretty self directed and does something if I feel its right - but as for passion, I have lacked in that department, and anyone close to me would know that when I'm asked what my passions are I get totally stumped and can't actually name any. I now have two. One is this young people kinda thing and the other is something I will share with you at another point in time :-)

bouncy bouncy

2009-04-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

I would like to bounce some ideas off you so please let me know what you think!

Matthew 5:38
You have heard that it was said 'eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' but I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also.

I just got thinking about this. This verse is often used as a 'don't get angry.. Show the love of Christ' kinda thing. And I thought... Does god really want us to just keep getting slapped around or what? Then I thought about it logically... Why the direct reference to the right cheek? Let's think about it.. Most people are dominant in their right hand.. So going by the assumption that people would hit with their dominant hand it would be a reasonable assumption to say that the bible is referring to someone hitting you on your right cheek with their right hand..which would be a backhanded slap (which is an act of disrespect) Because it's pretty hard to punch someone on their right cheek with your right hand. You with me?

So.. Assuming this is all ok so far.. I'm going to suggest that what this verse could really be saying is that if we get slapped (maybe not just physically, but metaphorically) that we should not take that disrespect, but to turn our other cheek so that it then becomes an even battle so to speak, instead of a master slapping a servant kinda thing. When you turn your left cheek they cant slap you anymore - they have to punch you if they want to hit you. When you turn the other cheek, suddenly you are on even standing... Instead of being the one disrespected.
I'm struggling to think of a better way to explain it, but it's like when you turn that cheek you are saying "hit me like I'm worth hitting.. Not just like I'm a piece of slavery that means nothing to you.. Hit me like a man."

"do not resist an evil person"... Sometimes I think this part of the verse gets overlooked. Don't resist it... Turn that cheek and take them on.

I'm not sure..I just think there is a reason for the detail in the scripture.. And it is worth thinking about.

I have no idea how valid any of my thinking is on this.. And I'm not 100% convinced I'm right or anything.. I never am! It's always good to explore things and bounce ideas.

The verse continues and I have a few more theories that follow on from this.. But I will start with this!

Corrie